S1 Ep06: Favorite Son

26 July 2021 / 20 August 2021 by Victoria

Lucifer: (Singing and playing piano at LUX)
Oh, sinner man, where you gonna run to?
Sinner man, where you gonna run to?
Where you gonna run to, all along them days?
Well, I run to the rock
Please hide me, I run to the rock
Please hide me, I run to the rock
Please hide me, all along them days
But the rock cried out, “I can’t hide you”
The rock cried out…

(Lucifer sits at piano inside LUX and sings and plays Nina Simone’s “Sinnerman” while in a warehouse a crime is being commited.)

(Man on forklift is moving a shipping container as a warehouse employee approaches. We hear Lucifer continuing to sing in background.)

Erwin: Where you got this one going to?

Worker: San Diego.

Erwin: Who gave that order?

All along them days
So I ran to the Devil
He was waitin’, I ran to the Devil
He was waitin’
I ran to the Devil
He was waitin’
All along them days
And I cried, “Power…”

Erwin: Yeah, yeah, Pete. Erwin here, 413. I got a guy bringing down the Morningstar thing here.

Lord
Bring down the power, Lord
Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lord

(muffled grunting)

Bring down…

(gagging) (sudden snap)

Man over radio: Erwin, what’s going on? Are you okay?

Power… to… the…
Lord…!

(thud)

Chloe: (Speaking to someone off camera) What made you think you’d get away with it? If you come clean now, I’ll go easy on you. So, tell me… did you eat… the chocolate cake?

Trixie: (Trixie is sitting at dining room table with obvious smears of cake on her face.) No, Mommy.

Dan: (suppressed laugh, coughing) (chuckling): I’m sorry.It’s just cake, Chloe.

Chloe: Cake is so not the point, Dan. This is about honesty and personal responsibility.

Dan: Fine. I got this. Hey, Monkey. Do you remember when we had that talk and we said that lying is a really bad thing? Well, some of your birthday cake is missing. Now, I didn’t eat it, and we know Mommy didn’t eat it, so… is there something you want to tell us?

Trixie: I ate it.

(Chloe is silently shocked and exasperated.)

Dan: Mm-hmm.

Trixie: But Lucifer said it was okay.

Dan: Oh, really? (scoffs)

Trixie: He said, if you really want to do something, you should. And I really wanted to eat some chocolate cake.

Dan: Huh. That’s… interesting. Why don’t you go grab your stuff. (clears throat) Oh, I am so glad to hear advice from Lucifer is on the personal responsibility lesson plan.

Chloe: Dan, it’s not what you think.

Dan: You know what, Chloe? Your private life is none of my business, but when it comes to Trixie… (phone ringing) .. keep Lucifer out of it.

Chloe: Decker. Yeah, yeah. I’ll hold. Okay, just don’t forget tomorrow night’s Taco Tuesday, okay?

Dan: I can’t do it.

Chloe: Why?

Dan: I’m working a stakeout in Van Nuys.

Chloe: We agreed on planned family time so that Trixie can maintain some normalcy during the separation.

Dan: I know, but… this is important.

Chloe: I thought you wanted to work things out.

Dan: I don’t have a choice, Chloe. This is work.

Chloe: Yeah, I’ve never heard that one before. (Talking n ow on phone)Yeah. Long Beach? Okay, I got it. Thanks. (Speaking to Dan) You know, when Trixie asks where you are tomorrow, I’ll be sure to tell her that something important came up.

(Maze is walking with two woman, they are all arm-in-arm)

Maze: Oh, Lucifer. I brought the after… after party. Meet Brittany… and Brittany. (Maze slaps their butts)

Lucifer: Wow. Hello, Brittanies. (Lucifer chuckles) Yes, very nice to meet you. Hello. Hello.

(both Brittanies laughing)

Maze: Shall we move the party upstairs?

Lucifer: (sighs) I’ll need my clothes on, actually. Sorry, girls. I’m late.

Maze: For what?

Lucifer: Work.

Maze: Please don’t tell me you actually believe you work for the police.

Lucifer: Work for, work with. I’m a civilian consultant. The detective called. There’s been a murder. My services are needed. Brittanies… why don’t you make my friend feel better, hmm?

(siren wails in distance)

Chloe: And, uh, this bruising is from what?

Man: Possible imprint. I’ll know more once I’m back at the lab.

Chloe: Okay. Call me when you get something.

Lucifer: Howdy, partner.

Chloe: We’re not partners.

Lucifer: (chuckles) Right. So, what unpleasantness felled this heap of unrealized ambition then?

Chloe: Suffocation, a crushed trachea. And this heap has a name. Erwin Scovell, 55. He worked security here for 20 years.

Lucifer: Ooh, talk about suffocating.

Chloe: Vice suspects this place has been used by criminal organizations to store illegal contraband. Container went missing, so Scovell probably walked in on a robbery in progress. Security cameras were disabled, so no video. Probably gonna need to canvass the…

(Lucifer is kneeing down and playing with CSI flashlight and goggles)

Chloe: Lucifer, it’s a dead body.

Lucifer: (chuckling)

Chloe: A little respect.

Lucifer: Do you know, I am amazed by the deferential regard you people hold for rotting flesh. I mean, this poor sap’s either already in Hell or in the Silver City enduring Uriel’s welcome speech, which is far worse than Hell, if you ask me.

Chloe: Let’s pretend for one second that you’re someone else. Someone nice, someone mature.

Lucifer: Ooh, I love role-play.

Chloe: Great. So, since we don’t have any leads, let’s focus on the next steps of the investigation, like what was in the stolen container.

Lucifer: But I’ve already solved it. I know what killed Erwin.

Chloe: What?

Lucifer: Boredom. I mean, getting murdered is probably the most exciting thing that ever happened to him. When do we get to raid a drug house or shoot someone? I mean, I gave up an epic foursome to be here.

Chloe: A man died, and we’re going to do everything we possibly can to catch the killer.

Lucifer: Pass. (He starts to walk away.)

Chloe: Are you joking?

Lucifer: Hard pass. (Continues to walk away.)

Chloe: Hey! After all of your manipulations to get to work with me, you’re really gonna walk away because you think this case is boring?

Lucifer: Just call me when you’ve got a murder with a pulse. Or at least someone good-looking. I mean…

Lucifer: (To Maze who is on the phone) Is the Brittany buffet still serving?

Maze: Okay, got it.

Lucifer: Huh? God, I was hoping for a good shag just as a palate cleanser to wipe the foul taste of boredom from my mouth.

Maze: We need to talk.

Lucifer: Well, as long as it’s not the detective’s homicide/robbery snoozefest at the docks, I’m all ears. You know, I don’t know how they do it. 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, 50 years. I mean, I didn’t leave Hell just to step into another one.

Maze: Yeah, well, about that robbery/homicide snoozefest. The container that’s missing, it was yours.

Lucifer: What container?

Maze: THE container.

(Lucifer does not show any concern.)

Maze: Didn’t you hear what I just said? The container is missing.

Lucifer: I heard you.

Maze: Then why aren’t we out there recovering it?

Lucifer: Why fuss? I suppose if somebody wants it badly enough to steal it, then perhaps they should have it, then.

Maze: Really?

Lucifer: Mm-hmm.

Maze: This doesn’t upset you?

Lucifer: I don’t know what to tell you, Maze. I guess it’s not that important to me after all.

Maze: Well, it’s your container… and your reputation.

Lucifer: (Now he looks concerned…) What about my reputation?

Maze: Well, apparently, it’s okay to steal from you now. But… if it doesn’t bother you… doesn’t bother me. (wry laugh)

Lucifer: (groans quietly)

Officer: We’re canvassing the entire area for witnesses now, ma’am.

Chloe: Okay, good. Let’s check with the nearby businesses, All right. and check the…

Officer: Yeah.

(Lucifer arrives)

Lucifer: Excuse me.

Chloe: What? Have you thought of all new offensive things to say?

Lucifer: No, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve come back to help. Any leads yet?

Chloe: I need your help like I need a third boob.

Lucifer: Mmm!

Chloe: Wait. Don’t say a word. Knew it was a mistake the minute it came out of my mouth.

Lucifer: We’re partners, and I’m offering you my services.

Chloe: I think you need a refresher course on how a partnership works. You left me hanging, remember?

Lucifer: Yes, but now I’m here because of the robbery.

Chloe: Robbery? Why?

Lucifer: (Hesitates looks a little embarrassed) Because the container that was stolen was mine.

Chloe: You somehow left that out before.

Lucifer: Well, I didn’t know before. Maze handles logistics… storage and such.

Chloe: And did you know that this facility was used to house illegal contraband?

Lucifer: (playfully) No. But what better place to store my stuff than somewhere people hide illicit goods?

Chloe: Asking the obvious here, but was your stuff illegal contraband, too?

Lucifer: Define “illegal.”

Chloe: What was in the container?

Lucifer: A personal item, insignificant.

Chloe: Yeah, but what was in it?

Lucifer: The only thing I brought with me to Los Angeles.

Chloe: I know, but you’re not answering the question.

Lucifer: (annoyed) Look, I was storing some stuff, it was stolen, the theft sets an awful precedent, so I’m obliged to make the person responsible pay. Now, if you let me help, I’m certain we can solve this case quickly. And I have a lead.

Chloe: Snow cones? This is your lead? We don’t have time for this. We should be working.

Frankie: (speaking from inside truck) What can I get you?

Lucifer: Uh, yes. I’ll have two Tropic Wonders and your face smashed into the ground.

Frankie: What? (Lucifer grabs Frankie by the shirt and pulls him out the window and onto the ground and holds him there.)

Frankie: What the…?

Chloe: Lucifer, what are you doing? Stop!

Lucifer: I believe they call this interrogating.

Chloe: Lucifer, stop!

Lucifer: He needs to tell me where my stuff is.

Chloe: Don’t.

Frankie: I just sell snow cones.

Chloe: Lucifer! This isn’t how we do things.

Lucifer: (pulls Frankie up but still holds him by the neck) This pathetic sap’s real name is Frankie Costa, and his real job is transporting and storing illegal goods. Maze set up the warehouse through him. So if someone knew to rob it, he’d be involved.

Frankie: (grunting nervously) I wouldn’t steal from my own operation. That warehouse is off-limits. Hey, man. I’m trying to get out of the storage racket.

Lucifer: Yes, focus, Frankie. Who took my property?

Frankie: I don’t know. I’m trying to find out myself. This is bad for business.

Chloe: And who would know about the storage service?

Frankie: Who are you?

Chloe: (Chloe shows Frankie her badge) I’m someone with one of these. (motions towards Lucifer) But this guy doesn’t have one. So say if I were to walk away, he can do whatever he wants to you. Of course, if you’re not responsible, you can point us in the right direction of someone who is. Cool?

Frankie: (gasping): Okay, okay. Los Diablos.

Chloe: The biker club?

Frankie: Yeah. I run the warehouse, but they run the docks. If anything went down, they would know about it. That’s all I know. I swear.

Chloe: All right, all right.

Lucifer: Fine. (Pushes Frankie up agaist the truck and reaches in the window for some ice cream.)

(Chloe is walking quickly. Lucifer, walking slightly behind her, is eating a cherry snow cone with a spoon.)

Lucifer: That was incredible. It was musical, poetic really. We were like fish and chips, salt and pepper. Hipsters and condescension.

Chloe: Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t arrest you for assault.

Lucifer: Fine, Frankie’s a complete scumbag, and he skimps on the cherry syrup. So that’s two, actually.

Chloe: Uh, something’s going on with you, and it has to do with that mysterious container, so no more games… what’s in it?

Lucifer: (huffs) It was a gift from my father.

Chloe: That’s still not an answer. I mean, what, was it his memoirs? Some priceless p0rn collection?

Lucifer: Look, if we’re gonna work together on this, you’re gonna have to trust me, all right?

Chloe: You’re right, we shouldn’t work together on this.

Lucifer: (scoffs) Aren’t we being a touch dramatic?

Chloe: You know, I put up with a lot of crap to let you in on my cases, and that’s because thus far you’ve been honest with me, but now, for some reason, you’re not telling me the full story.

Lucifer: I’m telling you everything you need to know to help find my stuff.

Chloe: A man was murdered, and all you can talk about is your property?

Lucifer: Yes, but if we find it, then you find out who killed the security guard… it’s win-win. So, please, enlighten me. Under what rock will we find Los Diablos? It’s a very on-the-nose name, if you ask me.

Chloe: We won’t find them anywhere. It’s a conflict of interest.

(Chloe walks off leaving Lucifer standing there.)

(cell phone rings)

Dan: Look, Chloe, I told you, there’s nothing I can do about tomorrow.

Chloe: Truce. This is a call for Dan the detective. All right? I need your help.

Dan: Okay.

Chloe: It’s about my case.

Dan: Homicide at the docks. Security guard killed during a robbery.

Chloe: Yeah, that container that was stolen, it was Lucifer’s.

Dan: That storage facility was filled with black market goods.

Chloe: Yeah, it was.

Dan: You think what Lucifer had stored in there may be illegal.

Chloe: Whatever is in that container, he won’t tell me. And for a man who’s all about over-sharing, says a lot, so I want you to look into him, try and find out what he might be hiding.
Absolutely.

(Dan comes down the stairs into the empty bar room. Maze sits in a booth looking at her phone.)

Maze: (without looking up) Boss is out.

Dan: Yes, I know.

Maze: What do you want?

Dan: I need to see your books.

Maze: Without any foreplay?

Dan: Your boss has reported an operating loss for the last five years.

Maze: So?

Dan: So this club is packed every night. At 20 bucks an appletini, it doesn’t really add up.

Maze: (Stands up and walks over to seductively stand face-to-face with Dan.) You’re Chloe’s ex, right?

Dan: And you’re Lucifer’s pet on a leash. Now answer the question.

Maze: Well, technically, that wasn’t a question. Is your divorce final yet?

Dan: That’s none of your business. Now, are you gonna show me your records, or do I need to get a warrant?

Maze: We have nothing to hide.

Dan: That’s great. I’ll be right here.

Maze: Mm-hmm. Actually, the books are in the office. And there are way too many of them to carry all by myself. But if you come out back with me, I’ll let you see whatever you want.

Dan: Just the books is fine.

Maze: (chuckles) Right this way.

(Dan and Maze Enter Back Hallway)

Maze: Straight ahead, to the left.

(Dan walks in front of Maze. Halfway down the hall she hits him in the head and knocks him out.) (grunts)

Dr. Linda: When Chloe told you to leave, how did that make you feel?

Lucifer: Well, pissed off, of course.

Dr. Linda: Whatever was stolen from you must have been very important.

Lucifer: No. Actually, no, it’s the principle at stake here. I mean, nobody steals from me and gets away with it.

Dr. Linda: This loss brings up an issue that we’ve been skirting since we began our work together.

Lucifer: Right.

Dr. Linda: Your identity.

Lucifer: (wry laugh) It’s still the Devil, darling.

Dr. Linda: Yes, but who are you trying so hard to become?

Lucifer: Nobody. I’m completely unbecoming. (chuckles)

Dr. Linda: And yet you keep trying on many hats to hide your horns. Playboy, cop, club owner…

Lucifer: Yes, you forgot “master of all things tongue-related.” Speaking of which, shall we? (He starts to unbutton his shirt.)

Dr. Linda: That’s for later. (Lucifer stops.) I think we’re onto something very important here. One of the hardest things we ever do… is learn to be ourselves. I want you to tell me who you believe… is the real you.

Lucifer: I… (Seems at a loss for words and stuggles to know what to say. He sighs) I am… second-guessing your skills as a therapist.

Dr. Linda: You’re feeling judged.

Lucifer: (chuckles)

Dr. Linda: So you’re lashing out and judging me. But that’s excellent. It’s transference. Which means you seek my approval.

Lucifer: (Angrily) I seek no one’s approval. And time’s up. Suddenly I’m no longer in the amorous mood. (Stands up an moves towards door to leave.)

Dr. Linda: (Stands up and motions with her hands to calm down and wait.) Okay, hold on… Hold on, Lucifer. You think that’s a fight. I think it’s progress.

Lucifer: Or maybe I’m just realizing what a waste of time this is. (Opens the door, walks out, and closes door behind him.)

Dr. Linda: (sighs. Turns to go to her desk.)

(knocking on door)

Dr. Linda: (She opens the door expecting to see Lucifer.) I’m glad you came ba… (Sees Amenadiel, who she knows as Dr. Cannan, has entered.) Oh.

Amenadiel: Is everything okay?

Dr. Linda: (chuckling): It’s-it’s you. Hi.

Amenadiel: I’m sorry, it’s just, uh, thin walls.

Dr. Linda: Oh. Yes, everything’s fine. (Amenadiel gestures to ask if he can enter.) Uh, please.

Amenadiel: Thanks again for drinks the other night, Linda.

Dr. Linda: Uh, yeah. Yes, that was fun.

Amenadiel: Yeah. All right, so what kind of parent names their kid Lucifer? (chuckles) I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be unprofessional, but…

Dr. Linda: We’re colleagues. Cone of silence. And I don’t believe his real name is Lucifer. We talk in metaphors.

Amenadiel: Mmm. Patients with delusions. They can be really challenging.

Dr. Linda: Mm, he’s actually quite charming.

Amenadiel: Yeah, but even Satan disguises himself as an angel of the light. 2 Corinthians, chapter 11, verse 14.

Dr. Linda: Ah.

Amenadiel: Two years of seminary school before I decided I wanted to help people in a different way.

Dr. Linda: Ah. Interesting. I thought you seemed… pure.

(both laugh)

Amenadiel: Listen, you really helped me with my patient the other day, and I would love to return the favor. I know the Bible inside and out, so if you ever need a consult, just let me know.

(Amenadiel walks out, Linda closes the door behind him.)

(Dan is waking up and is laying naked on pull-out sofa.) (gasps) (groans quietly) (Sees photo of his family and realizes where he is. He hears Chloe at front door so he grabs two pillows to cover himself and dashes into Trixie’s room nearby.)

Dan: Whoa.

(Chloe and Trixie enter front door. Chloe is on the phone with her mother.)

Chloe: Just quit defending him, Mom. You know Dan’s never gonna change. Mm-hmm.

Trixie: What’s for dinner, Mommy?

Chloe: Greens, you little cake monster. (Going back to her phone conversation.) Yeah. I mean, I don’t know why I even bother telling you. He’s-he’s not gonna change, Mom. You know, Dan’s just the way he is, and I wasn’t asking for the world. I just wanted to see a little effort, and it’s probably too late. Ah, it’s pointless to discuss this with you. Why? Because you always take his side. Look, Mom, I…

(Trixie opens her bedroom door and sees her father sitting on her bed holding a pillow in his lap.)

Trixie: Daddy!

Dan: Shh! Hey, Monkey!

Trixie: What are you doing here? And why are you wearing a pillow?
Dan: Well, those are… that… those are great questions, and I’m gonna answer both of them later. But right now, I need you to do something for me.

Trixie: What?

Dan: Get me some clothes, and don’t tell Mommy that I’m here.

Trixie: I thought you said lying was a bad thing.

Dan: It is, it’s terrible, but this-this is different. Because we’re gonna play a game. It’s called “Sneak Daddy Out of the House.”

Trixie: That still sounds like a lie.

Dan: (sighs) You know, it’s complicated, Monkey. You’re just gonna have to go with it, okay?

Trixie: What’s in it for me?

Dan: What do you want?

Trixie: Chocolate cake.

Dan: Done.

Trixie: For a whole year.

Dan: Absolutely not.

Trixie: (yelling so Chloe can hear her.) Mommy, I’m thirsty!

Dan: Okay, fine. Done. (Trixie smiles.) Now will you please go get me some clothes?

(dance music playing, low and indistinct. Dan comes down the stairs wearing a pink running suit and a grey *NSYNC t-shirt.)

Dan: What the hell did you do to me?

Maze: What do you mean?

Dan: One second, I’m standing here, next second, I’m in my ex’s bed naked.

Maze: Well, you’re welcome. So, did it work? You two have s*x?

Dan: No. Why would you think that putting me in her bed naked would get us to have s*x?

Maze: (sighs) Always works for me.

Dan: And why would you even want Chloe and I to have s*x?

Maze: So that you and her will get back together, and she’ll be out of Lucifer’s life.

Dan: You’re not from around here, are you?

Maze: You have no idea.

Dan: You can’t just smash two people together like Barbies, and think that that’s gonna fix things. Relationships, they take time and effort. And you got to work at it, like… (he suddenly realizes what when wrong with his marriage to Chloe) it’s your job.

Dan: Humans are so exhausting. Here are the books you wanted to see.

Dan: Oh, no, we’re not through here. You assaulted a police officer. I’m taking you in.

Maze: And what exactly are you going to say happened? (Picks up his orignal clothes and shoes and pushes them to Dan’s chest.)

Dan: Hmm?

Maze: That a tiny female bartender knocked you out, stripped you naked and put you in your ex’s bed? (She smiles and puts out her arms to allow him to put cuffs on her. Dan scoffs and walks out.)

(Dan and Chloe talk on phone.)

Dan: I can’t explain it. Lux’s books are clean.

Chloe: How is that even possible?

Dan: I had them run for discrepancies with receivables. I looked for hidden payments. Whatever Lucifer’s into, it’s not running through Lux.

Chloe: All right, thanks for trying.

Dan: Listen, Chloe… I want to talk to you about Taco Tuesday.

Chloe: Hey, Dan, I got to go.

(Chloe hangs up and Dan looks frustrated.)

(Chloe is walking on sidewalk and meets Lucifer standing and waiting for her.)

Chloe: Next time you secretly follow someone, don’t tailgate them. Draws a little attention.

Lucifer: It’s not my fault you drive like an elderly turtle.

Chloe: Lucifer… go home. Detective…

Lucifer: It sucks not getting what you want. Now you have to deal with it like the rest of us.

Lucifer: I’m sorry.

Chloe: What did you just say?

Lucifer: I apologize. I crossed the line this morning with Mr. Snow Cone. It was a mistake. I realize that now.

Chloe: Wow. You must really be desperate.

Lucifer: I prefer determined. Look, I need your help to find my stuff. But you have to admit I’ve proven myself useful. Despite the methods employed, Frankie did give us a solid lead. (They have arrived outside the Los Diablo biker club.) Insanely wild guess, but this is where we’ll find some Los Diablos.

(Chloe gives in. Shows Lucifer a picture on her phone.)

Chloe: There’s an imprint on the victim’s neck that we found under UV light. Killer must’ve worn some kind of bracelet when he strangled the security guard. Cross look familiar? (Motions for him to look at a nearby motorcycle.)

Lucifer: Well, what do you know? Our suspect awaits. Shall we?

(indistinct chatter, blues guitar wailing from jukebox. Lucifer looking annoyed pulls the power cord out of the back of the jukebox. music stops )

Men in Crowd: What happened to the music? Hey! Come on, man! What are you doing, man? What is this? What’s going on here? What’s going on with that?

(grumbling, murmuring continue)

Lucifer: (Jumps up on table above everyone) Excuse me! Pardon the intrusion, you Village People rejects, but one of you has stolen something that belongs to me. So please identify yourself, so I can punish you accordingly.

(crowd murmuring, grumbling)

Man: Who do you think you are?

Chloe: (To Lucifer) I thought we were past you thinking you’re invincible.

Lucifer: I really want to find my stuff.

Renny: What the hell did you just say? Hmm? Harry Potter?

Lucifer: (chuckles and gets down off table)

Man: There you go. (men grumbling, murmuring)

Man 2: Mess him up, Renny.

Lucifer: Well, since you’re obviously lower on the human evolutionary chain, perhaps your hearing hasn’t developed as well as it should, so I’ll repeat myself. (Speaking slow and distinctly in Renny’s face) Who… stole… my… property?

(Renny raises fist to take a swing at Lucifer. Chloe grabs Renny and throws him to the ground. Renny grunts.)

Chloe: Everybody back the hell off or you’re going to jail.

Hank: (whistles to get everyones’ attention. Slowly walks up to Lucifer and speaks calmly.) Pardon my boys. They don’t always have the best, uh, people skills. (chuckles and yells at Renny.) Take a breather, Renny. Now! Be cool. (To Lucifer) Hank Cutter. I’m in charge here. Oh, a Mrs. Police. How are you? Why don’t we chat in my office, okay? Follow me.

Chloe: We heard that you control the docks, and if anything goes down, Los Diablos are in on it.

Hank: Really? We’re just a riding club, okay?

Chloe: Whose members have been arrested for guns, drugs, murder.

Hank: A few bad apples shouldn’t paint us all in a bad light, now should it, ma’am?

Chloe: But it does paint you as suspects.

Hank: Hey, look, just because we have a reputation as outlaws doesn’t mean we had anything to do with a murder. (wry laugh)

Lucifer: You like being considered a criminal, don’t you? (both chuckling) (Lucifer leans in to face Hank who is sitting behind his desk and does his mojo.) Yeah, you do. What else do you want? (chuckles)

Hank: To own a clothing line.

Lucifer: (surprised) Oh.

Chloe: Clothing line?

Lucifer: I-I did not see that one coming. Yes, managing bikers must be so exhausting. All that brawling and pillaging.

Hank: I’m 54.

Lucifer: Really?

Hank: I’d rather be in my hammock playing my Stratocaster. All this motorcycle riding’s enlarged my prostate. It’s unpleasant.

Lucifer: That’s an unfortunate occupational hazard.

Hank: Tell me about it. Look, we’ve trademarked our name. We’re selling T-shirts and jackets, and we’re gonna re-brand and… (whistles) go legit.

Lucifer: (speaks distinctly) “Legit.”

Chloe: There’s a lot of money in the apparel industry.

Hank: All the more reason to keep our noses clean. See, we used to cover the docks, not anymore. I specifically ordered them off-limits.

Chloe: Maybe someone missed the re-branding memo. Killer wore a bracelet with an iron cross. (shows Hank the picture on her phone.) Left an imprint on the dead security guard at the warehouse.

Hank: (scoffs) Look, uh, a lot of bikers wear iron crosses.

Chloe: Yeah, well, I’m interested in your guys who have iron crosses.

Hank: Hey, look, I’ve told you everything I know. If you have any more questions, feel free to contact my attorney.

Lucifer: (To Hank) But we’re not finished yet.

Chloe: (To Lucifer) Yeah, we’re done. (To Hank) Thank you.

Lucifer: But why are we leaving? He’s hiding something. It’s obvious. We need to force it out of him.

Chloe: We have this little thing called due process. We can’t just force things out of people. Besides, there’s an easier way to get our bad guy. You saw the look on Cutter’s face when he saw that photo. He knows exactly who robbed the docks. He’s gonna need to deal with this immediately. Or it puts his plan to re-brand in jeopardy. Defying his orders… it’s a huge challenge to his authority. He’s not gonna want to deal with this in public. Bet you the first person he goes to see is the owner of that bracelet.

Lucifer: What, so your strategy is just to sit here, paralyzed, hoping that Cutter leads us to the suspect? What a terrible idea.

Chloe: Hmm, you think so?

Lucifer: I do, I mean, for one, even though Cutter’s no brain surgeon, surely he wouldn’t just…

(Hank leaves the club and gets on his motorcycle.)

Chloe: Wouldn’t what?

(bike engine starts)

Lucifer: Well done, Detective. (chuckles)

(car engine starts)

(Amenadiel and Dr. Linda sit talking.)

Amenadiel: A toast to Dr. Linda Martin, therapist to the Devil himself.

(both laugh)

Dr. Linda: I should put that on the door.

Amenadiel: Mm, well, it sounds like he’s dealing with some genuine issues.

Dr. Linda: I’m just having such a hard time getting through to him.

Amenadiel: Maybe it’s because you’ve been humoring his metaphor without fully embracing it.

Dr. Linda: You mean, completely accept that he’s actually the Devil?

Amenadiel: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Linda: It’s worth a try. If only I knew someone who could help me with the Bible. (laughs)

Amenadiel: I know so much about it, it’s almost as if I was there. If he’s positioning himself as the Devil, right? He must see himself as evil. Mm!

Dr. Linda: No. Actually, he’s struggling. I think he thinks other people see him as evil.

Amenadiel: You seem attached to this patient.

Dr. Linda: I am… very motivated to help him.

Amenadiel: I see. Well, um, every culture in the world and throughout history, for that matter, has its very own myth of the Devil.

Dr. Linda: Mm-hmm.

Amenadiel: But the one thing that they all have in common is that the Devil is essentially a rebellious son.

Dr. Linda: Sounds like my guy.

Amenadiel: I thought it might. Now, if you’re really serious about embracing the metaphor, Linda… truly embracing it… I know how you can get to him. But he might not like what you have to say.

Dr. Linda: But will it help him?

Amenadiel: He may not realize it, but yes.

Dr. Linda: Then let’s do it. (chuckles)

(Lucifer and Chloe wait and watch Hank who is waiting for someone to show up)

Lucifer: I’ve sat in a parked car and not had s*x.

Chloe: Ew.

Lucifer: You can’t enjoy this. This sitting around endlessly, waiting for something to happen.

Chloe: You know, if sitting here not being entertained is so terrible, then maybe it’s a sign you should be somewhere else.

Lucifer: Have I done something to offend you?

Chloe: Only every time I see you.

Lucifer: Ha, ha, ha. No, this is different.

Chloe: For the first time, I don’t think you’re being honest with me. You have this mysterious container that was stolen that someone was willing to kill for. You make shady deals with shady people. You’re violent. Your personal records only go back five years, and the books from Lux are way too clean. It’s… I had Dan go and check it out.

Lucifer: You had Dan deal with Maze alone? Oh, dear. For the first time, I actually feel sorry for Detective Douche.

Chloe: It all points to you being a criminal.

Lucifer: So what’s the big deal? What if I am a criminal?

Chloe: I’d have to arrest you.

Lucifer: Ooh, whip out the cuffs, then. Why shy away from a little bondage fun? (chuckles)

Chloe: You know, Lucifer, this is serious. And despite all your weirdness I… I actually really like working with you. So, anyhow…

Lucifer: What a momentous revelation, Detective Decker. We should celebrate.

Chloe: You can celebrate from jail when it turns out I’m right about you.

Lucifer: I have never lied to you. And I will never lie to you.

Chloe: What was in the container?

Lucifer: Russian dolls.

Lucifer: Russian dolls?

(motorcycle approaches)

Chloe: Here we go.

(indistinct conversation)

Chloe: Oh, I knew it was gonna be that Renny guy.

Hank: About that warehouse…!

Renny: Think I won’t? (Renny draws gun. gunshot, grunt) (Hank gasps)

Chloe: (speaks into police radio) This is Unit 831. Shots fired at 21st and Lewis. We need backup and an ambo, now.

Dispatch (over radio): Unit 831, all units in the vicinity…

(Chloe jumps out of the car with her gun drawn and runs towards Hank as Renny leaves on his motorcycle.)

(Lucifer gets out of car, walks around and gets in drivers’ seat.engine starts, revs. Lucifer takes off after Renny. Chloe hesitates and then goes to help Hank.)

(Lucifer follows Renny through town. Renny stops at a warehouse and gets off his bike slowly thinking he got away. Then sees Lucifer arrive and takes off running into warehouse.)

(Lucifer enters and starts to walk through warehouse when shots ring out. Lucifer grunts and hides behind some objects.)

Lucifer: Bloody mortality.

(gun clicks out of bullets, Renny yells angrily, throws gun and continues to run.)

Lucifer: Been a while since I had a good hunt. That tingling sensation running up your spine… inevitability. And the bit running down your leg? Fear.

(Renny moves a heavy metal drum in front of door then looks for a way off the roof… there is none. Lucifer easily busts through the door. Renny gasping nervously)

Lucifer: Now… you give me what is mine.

Renny: Wasn’t my idea, I swear. He didn’t tell me what was in the container. But I looked. I saw them.

Lucifer: Who stole them?

Renny: Oh, God… Oh, God…

Lucifer: Who… stole them?

Renny: (whimpers, gasps) They were yours.

Lucifer: Who stole them?

Renny: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Lucifer: Oh… you are gonna more than sorry unless you tell me everything.

Renny: Please. Please, don’t… No! No! No!

(Lucifer’s eyes flash red. Renny panics and jumps off roof.)

Lucifer: No, don’t!

(screams) (body thuds)

Lucifer: (sees Chloe is now in doorway) I couldn’t stop him.

(Lucifer stands deep in thought as Chloe walks up to him.)

Chloe: Hey, you all right? Looks like Cutter’s gonna make it. He just gave a statement.

Lucifer: Cutter?

Chloe: The guy Renny shot. Renny was pissed about the direction of the club, he thought they were selling out. So he went out on his own, robbed the warehouse and killed the security guard.

Lucifer: (sighs)

Chloe: We got justice for Erwin Scovell.

Lucifer: (Ironically) Wonderful.

Chloe: And they’ve recovered one container belonging to… a Lucifer Morningstar.

Lucifer: Where?

Chloe: Inside.

Lucifer: You didn’t take a sneaky peek before telling me?

Chloe: You’d never lie to me, right?

Lucifer: (wry laugh)

Lucifer: You’re gonna watch me open it.

Chloe: (Holding bolt cutters) You’re damn right.

Lucifer: (scoffing laugh)

(Lucifer breaks lock with bolt cutters. Opens doors. Lights flicker on. Inside is a single large chest in middle of container. They both open the lid and look inside to find Russian nesting dolls in hay.)

Chloe: Wow. Hmm…

Lucifer: I told you.

Chloe: Why go to all this trouble for dolls?

Lucifer: Oh, come now, Detective. I have to keep some mysteries for myself.

Chloe: (touching Lucifer’s arm) Enjoy your dolls. (And she leaves.)

(Lucifer waits until she has left the area then walks along the contanier wall until he finds a hidden latch that opens the back wall of the container. Lucifer looks inside and sees nothing.)

Lucifer: They’re gone.

(Chloe and Trixie are at center island cooking dinner.) (knocking at door)

Chloe: (To Trixie) Want to grab that?

Trixie: Hi, Daddy.

Dan: Hey, Monkey. (Hands her a clear box with a piece of chocolate cake inside) This is for after dinner, okay?

Chloe: Hey.

Dan: Hey.

Chloe: Thought you had an important work thing.

Dan: Well, it wasn’t as important as having tacos with Trixie. And you. That is, if it’s not too late.

Chloe: Yeah. We’re just making the salsa.

Dan: Great. That smells so yummy.

Chloe: Oh, good.

(Lucifer is sitting on couch)

Dr. Linda: I’m glad you came back.

Lucifer: Well, I needed to get my parking validated.

Dr. Linda: So your items were never recovered?

Lucifer: No.

Dr. Linda: Earlier, you said that the items weren’t that important. Yet now, you seem very upset that they’re gone.

Lucifer: Well, I’m a walking paradox. What can I say?

Dr. Linda: Sometimes we need to lose something before we can understand its value.

Lucifer: I didn’t lose anything.

Dr. Linda: No. No, you were a victim of a crime. It’s only natural that you would feel violated. And often, our feelings of loss connect to how we feel… about who we are.

Lucifer: Oh, right. So we’re back on that, are we? You want to talk about my identity.

Dr. Linda: Yes, because you’re the Devil. You told me your names. But you left out a few others. Abaddon. Belial. Prince of Darkness…

Lucifer: Someone’s been brushing up on their Sunday school.

Dr. Linda: Yes. But before you fell, you were known as Samael. The Lightbringer.

Lucifer: I don’t go by that name anymore.

Dr. Linda: That was a name that connotated your father’s love for you.

Lucifer: (laughing): Right. Was casting his son into Hell also an expression of his love?

Dr. Linda: Oh, God didn’t cast you out of Heaven because he was angry with you.

Lucifer: How can you presume to know God’s intentions?

Dr. Linda: Oh, I don’t. I can’t.

Lucifer: (Angrily) Then maybe stick within the limits of your intellectual capacity.

Dr. Linda: Or maybe my simplicity offers me a different perspective. God cast you out because He needed you to do the most difficult of jobs. It was a gift.

Lucifer: (Enraged) Gift? He shunned me. He vilified me. He made me a torturer! Can you even begin to fathom what it was like? Eons spent providing a place for dead mortals to punish themselves? I mean, why do they blame me for all their little failings? As if I’d spent my days sitting on their shoulder, forcing them to commit acts they’d otherwise find repulsive. “Oh, the Devil made me do it.” I have never made any one of them do anything. Never!

Dr. Linda: What happened to you is unfair.

Lucifer: Unfair? This is unjust. For all eternity, my name will be invoked to represent all their depravity. That is the gift that my father gave me.

Dr. Linda: It was an act of love.

Lucifer: How do you know?

Dr. Linda: Because you are his favorite son, Samael.

Lucifer: Do not call me that, please!

Dr. Linda: You are his fallen angel. But here’s the thing: When angels fall, they also… rise. All you have to do is embrace all that you are.

Lucifer: I can’t.

Dr. Linda: Yes, you can. You just have to be open to the process…

Lucifer: You don’t understand. I can’t!

Dr. Linda: But why?

Lucifer: Because they stole them from me!

(Lucifer stands up screaming and puts his fist through the wall. Pauses. Sees that Dr. Linda is obviously shaken and quietly leaves.)

Lucifer: Someone’s got them, Mazikeen. Someone’s got my wings.