S2 Ep05: The Weaponizer

20 August 2021 / 20 August 2021 by Victoria

(In a quiet residential neighborhood, a man in a trench coat walks into the middle of a large front yard, stops, and calmly stands looking at the building. There are several toys scattered about the lawn, including a skateboard. He stoops down and moves a skateboard about 6 inches to the right and then walks away. Just then a car parks in front of the yard and a hurried, distracted woman rushes out and across the yard stubbing her toe on the skateboard.)

Woman: (yells) Son of a biscuit! Dylan! Dylan…

(She angrily enters the home and through the large kitchen window, we see she and her son have an argument)

Woman: How many times have I told you to pick up that stupid skateboard! I am not your maid!

Dylan: God, why the hell is your panties in a bunch?

Woman: Don’t you talk to me like that! You are grounded, young man!

Dylan: I’m going camping with Tyler!

Woman: No, you’re not. Go to your room! Grounded!

Dylan: (yells and throws a sandwich in the sink)

Woman: Don’t waste food! Get out of here!

Dylan: You’re ruining my life!

Woman: No, no. Not through there, the dog’s in there!

(A dog barks and bursts through the front door the woman has left open. The dog runs across the street and an oncoming vehicle swerves to miss the dog but runs into the side of Chloe’s car.)

(tires screeching)

(horn blaring)

(Chloe, dazed, staggers out of her car. The woman comes over to see if she is okay and helps her to the side of the road. As the camera pulls back, we see the trench coat man from earlier calming watching them.)

(Packing boxes, large plastic tubs, and dishes are everywhere as she unpacks as she and Lucifer talk.)

Chloe: It was a random car crash.

Lucifer: Are you certain?

Chloe: Yes.

Lucifer: But you didn’t see anything strange or out of the ordinary?

Chloe: Like I told you at the hospital and several times before that, no. What’s going on with you?

Lucifer: (sighs) Well, there’s a minuscule, albeit highly unlikely, chance that your car accident was a result of my father trying to send me a message.

Chloe: Lucifer, it was a freak accident. A dog ran into the middle of the road. You had nothing to do with it.

Lucifer: Right. Okay. Well, you’re about to be in another disastrous wreck that is avoidable.

Chloe: What?

Lucifer: Living with Maze. Potential for sexy pillow fights notwithstanding, you and Maze are like snow pants and elephants. You don’t mix.

Chloe: Maze and I have become friends. Sort of. And I think it’s gonna be fine.

Lucifer: Oh, really?

Chloe: With a short adjustment period.

Lucifer: Mm.

(Chloe’s phone rings)

Chloe: (to Lucifer) Yeah. What is that? (answering phone) Decker. Yeah, what’s the address?

Trixie: Hi.

Lucifer: Ah, um, toys. In there. Go.

Chloe: Yes. Thank you.

Trixie: Can you read this to me, Mommy?

Chloe: (sighs) No, Monkey. I just got a new case. You have to get to school. And besides, that’s your bedtime story. I’ll read that to you tonight.

Trixie: (loud and demanding) No, read it to me now!

Lucifer: This… best birth control in the world.

Chloe: (Chloe calmly walks around the counter and squats down to Trixie’s level) Come here. What’s going on, kiddo?

Trixie: Landa says your job’s really dangerous. That cops get hurt all the time. I don’t want you to get hurt.

Chloe: Oh, baby. The car accident was just that… an accident. And Mommy’s job can be dangerous, but I’m really careful, okay? I’m not gonna get hurt.

Trixie: I love you, Mom.

(They hug.)

Chloe: Oh, I love you so much. (whispers in her ear) I love you.

Lucifer: (seeing the hug from across the room) Oh, no, actually, this is better birth control. (groans)

(Ella is kneeling next to the body and Chloe and Lucifer walk in.)

Chloe: Hey, Ella.

Ella: Hey.

Chloe: All right, any I.D. on the victim?

Ella: Uh, yep. His name is…

Lucifer: It’s Wesley Cabot!

Chloe: What? How do you know that?

Lucifer: How do I know th… Star of the Body Bags movies. Eighth-degree black belt. Absolute icon in the action genre. I adore his work.

Chloe: It’s just a bunch of people pretending to punch each other.

Lucifer: (scoffs) It’s much more than that, Detective. It’s a chance to escape your reality for a moment. Some people need that. Also, ninjas and tons of nudity in the first three, so…

Chloe: He had a drug problem, right?

Lucifer: Well, only if you consider ingesting millions of dollars worth of cocaine a problem. I call it a Tuesday. But, apparently, it’s frowned upon. Yeah, so no studios would hire him anymore.

Chloe: Hmm. No wonder he resorted to teaching karate in Hollywood.

Lucifer: Yeah.

(Looking through an open door they can see a mattress on the floor and personal items inside the room.)

Chloe: Looks like he was living here.

Lucifer: And I thought I fell a long way.

Ella: Okay, so body temp’s cooled five degrees. That pegs time of death around 7:00 a.m. Doesn’t look like there’s any money missing. No forced entry. It’s not a robbery. What’s the cause of death?

Ella: Dude was hit with a…”nunchuck statue”? That’s a first for me. “The Golden Nunchuck Award for Best Fight Sequence, 1998.”

Chloe: So, you think the award came from the box?

Ella: Yep. It’s got all of Wesley’s Body Bags 4 swag. Memorabilia, contracts. Once I get all this back to the precinct, I’ll see what I can find.

(Lucifer lays down next to the body and attempts to take a selfie.)

Lucifer: For the Insta.

Chloe: No!

Lucifer: No?

Chloe: Nope. (grabs the phone out of his hand) Not cool.

Lucifer: (standing up he points at a movie poster on the wall) Uh… Oh, hold on. I know who the killer must be.

Chloe: Who?

Lucifer: The dreaded ninja Ozaki, from Body Bags 6: Tokyo Fire. I mean, who else would get the jump on Wesley Cabot? (looks at body and sighs) I will avenge you.

Chloe: (to Ella) Who found the body?

Ella: A kid. Said he saw a Hummer driving away.

Lucifer: Hmm?

Chloe: I’ll see if he saw a plate. (she walks to the front of the Dojo to speak with the boy.)

Ella: Hey.

Lucifer: Yes?

Ella: So I was wondering…

Lucifer: (he thinks Ella is going to suggest they have s*x) Okay, all right, but, uh, we’ll need to be discreet about it, ’cause the detective hates it when I mix business with pleasure. The, uh, bed in there looks a little skanky, but I’m up for it if you are. (begins to unbutton his shirt)

Ella: (happy) Uh, wow. Okay. Yeah. (chuckles) Okay. (then realizes it’s a bad idea) I mean, no!

Lucifer: (confused) Oh.

Ella: I was just wondering, why do you like this Wesley Cabot guy so much?

Lucifer: (rebuttoning his shirt) Well, he rips men’s hearts out, wipes out entire villages, never says thank you, and he’s applauded for it.

Ella: Oh, him… as opposed to you. That’s right because you’re the (whispering) son of God.

Lucifer: Exactly.

Ella: (clicks tongue) Yes. I get it. I mean, Stanislavksy would be very proud of you.

Lucifer: (annoyed) Okay, for the last time, I am not a method actor.

Ella: So method of you to say. Damn, you are good. Hey, can you cry on cue?

(As Ella is talking Lucifer sees the man wearing a trenchcoat walk past the dojo front window and seems to recognize him.)

Lucifer: Sorry, excuse me.

(Horn honking outside, Lucifer leaves the Dojo and stops on the sidewalk, looks up, and sees the trenchcoat man standing on top of a building looking right at him.)

(Lucifer hurries onto the roof and looks around for the man. The man enters the roof from the same direction as did Lucifer.)

Uriel: Hello, brother.

Lucifer: Ah. Uriel! I thought it was you. Welcome to Earth. Clearly, I got the fashion sense in the family. Word of advice… I’d lose the trench coat, ’cause as it stands, it’s less cool, brooding angel, more sort of “pedophile chic.”

Uriel: One joke down. One to go.

Lucifer: (chuckles)

Uriel: Why can’t you take anything seriously.

Lucifer: What do they say? Laugh like no one’s listening? Dance like you’re standing on the corpses of your enemies?

Uriel: And there’s the other. Predictable as ever.

Lucifer: What do you want, Uriel?

Uriel: I came to tell you that you have 24 hours.

Lucifer: I’ll bite. 24 hours or what?

Uriel: Either return here with Mom, or I’ll finish what I started with your detective.

Lucifer: The car accident.

Uriel: You made a deal with Dad. Time to pay up. So… bring Mom to me, or I’ll take back what Dad gave you.

(Lucifer pours himself a drink from a decanter on the bar. Amenadiel stands in the living room area and Maze is stretched out on the sofa.)

Amenadiel: Uriel is here?

Lucifer: Pleasant aroma and all.

Amenadiel: And he’s after Chloe?

Maze: No. He’s after Chloe or that classy bitch you call “Mom.” You made a deal with Daddy. Time to pay up.

Lucifer: (scoffs)

Amenadiel: Uriel can come after celestial beings like us, yes, but angels aren’t allowed to kill humans. Chloe should be safe.

Lucifer: Yes, but remember, dear brother, that Uriel can play with patterns. He makes a butterfly flap its wings and a housewife gets chlamydia.

Amenadiel: Or Chloe gets into a seemingly accidental car wreck.

Lucifer: Correct, for ten points.

Maze: Well, too bad there isn’t an easy way to make this all go away. Oh, wait, there is. Send your mom back to Hell.

Lucifer: (chuckles)

Maze: (standing up) A solution which you will, no doubt, avoid.

Lucifer: Well, worry not, my little s*x thug, because Uriel won’t be a problem. We have a nuclear weapon.

Amenadiel: What’s that?

Lucifer: You. Well, Uriel doesn’t know that we’re working together on this. We all know he won’t listen to me. But he will if it’s someone from the home team. So, you will go and convince him that he needs to go back. Or, you know, just punch him in his smug face. Dealer’s choice. (chuckling) God, it’s nice having a super-powerful angel on your side, isn’t it? (pats Amenadiel’s shoulder as he walks by and leaves)

Maze: Good luck with that.

(After they leave him there, Amenadiel is obviously concerned as he has kept a secret from everyone he has lost his powers.)

(Chloe sits at her desk writing. Lucifer pulls the pen out of her fingers.)

Chloe: Huh.

Lucifer: Saved your life. (chuckling) Maybe. You never know. (continues to remove sharp objects from her desk)

Chloe: What are you talking about?

Lucifer: Well, it appears that I was correct this morning. You are being targeted by cosmic forces. But fear not, it’s all being dealt with. And I’m here.

Chloe: (she walks over to the coffee area with Lucifer right after her) Now… what is with every one and this car accident? I’m fine.

Lucifer: No, I’m afraid that you’re not. (pushes two officers out of her way) And so, for the next day or so, I’m gonna need you to be unpredictable. Whatever you’d normally do, just, you know… ah, ah… do the opposite. (takes a coffee mug she just picked up out of her hand)

Chloe: Too bad. I was totally gonna have s*x with you today.

Lucifer: Really? Oh. (realizes she was kidding) Well played, Detective. (chuckles) Yes, but until the threat has passed, just to be safe, I won’t be leaving your side. So just think of me as your Guardian Devil. (softly) Okay.

Dan: (joining Lucifer and Chloe) Guys, Wesley Cabot’s dead. I can’t believe it.

Chloe: Oh, God. Not you, too.

Dan: Oh, man. Body Bags 1 through 6. First in line. I mean, I even skipped out on some of our wedding planning to see Body Bags 6. Remember?

Chloe: That was the big emergency?

Dan: It was totally worth it. It was a great movie.

Lucifer: Yes, it was. Better catchphrase, wasn’t it?

Dan & Lucifer: “Not on my watch.” (both chuckling)

Lucifer: Maybe I should get a catchphrase.

Chloe: You don’t need a catchphrase. (to Dan) And you. Do you have anything constructive to add?

Dan: Uh, yep. Yep, I do. (jogs to his desk, Chloe and Lucifer follow) The boy who, uh, found the body remembered the first three plate numbers of the getaway car. (hands Chloe the list of vehicles) Thirteen matches.

Chloe: Thirteen. That’s a lot of legwork.

Lucifer: (takes the paper from Chloe because he recognizes one of the vehicle owners) Jamie Lee Adrienne.

Chloe: The, uh, the Playmate? The ex-party girl? Yeah. What does she have to do with Wesley Cabot?

Dan: She’s his ex-wife. They met on the set of Body Bags 4.

Lucifer: Apparently, Jamie and Wesley’s divorce proceedings were very contentious. Maybe she went to “renegotiate.”
(Lucifer and Dan chuckling)

Lucifer: (to Chloe) By “renegotiate”, I mean kill him.

Chloe: Yeah. Uh…

(Chloe walks off and Lucifer hurries to stay by her side.)

(The Weaponizer’s ex-wife, Jamie Lee, sits at the table. Dan and Lucifer sit across from her.)

Jamie Lee: Yeah. I can’t believe Wesley’s really gone.

Dan: When was the last time you saw Mr. Cabot?

Jamie Lee: Um… a few weeks ago. Maybe.

(Chloe is standing near her and walks over behind the guys.)

Chloe: Interesting. Then can you explain why a witness said that they saw you speeding away from Wesley’s dojo this morning?

Lucifer: (leans in and says in a deep voice) Welcome to Devil Time.

Chloe: What are you doing?

Lucifer: Trying out my new catchphrase.

Dan: “Welcome to Devil Time”? What the hell does that mean?

Lucifer: She knows what it means.

Jamie Lee: I have no idea what that means.

Lucifer: Oh.

Jamie Lee: Okay, yeah. I… I was at the dojo this morning. But it’s not what you think. I went because of this…

(She plays a voicemail on her phone.)

Wesley: (on voice mail) My life is destroyed. And it all started with Body Bags 4. Call me back.

Dan: What “started with Body Bags 4“?

Jamie Lee: I have no idea. That’s why I went to go see Wesley. But he was already dead and… I panicked and then I ran… But I swear I would’ve never hurt Wesley. Even though we were divorced, I really cared about him.

Chloe: Where were you at 7:00 a.m. this morning?

Jamie Lee: With Raphael. My Pilates instructor.

Lucifer: And how does the Weaponizer feel about all this?

Chloe: (whispering in Dan’s ear) Who the hell is the Weaponizer?

Dan: He’s a character played by Kimo Van Zandt, Wesley’s co-star and her current husband.

Chloe: So you used to be married to an action star, only to divorce him and marry another action star?

Jamie Lee: Yeah. It was the ’90s. We did a lot of coke.

Chloe: Well, how did your current husband feel about you visiting your ex?

Lucifer: Oh, that’s easy. Kimo and Wesley hated each other. Long-standing feud.

Jamie Lee: God only knows what Kimo would’ve done if he knew I went to see him.

Dan: Where was Kimo this morning?

Jamie Lee: Uh, at ActionCon in Reno. Signing autographs.

(Chloe, Lucifer, and Dan are watching an online video of Kimo and Wesley arguing.)

Wesley: Where’s my money, partner?

Kimo: I will end you!

Wesley: Without Body Bags 4, you are nothing, man!

Chloe: (to Lucifer) How does Body Bags 4 figure into all this?

Lucifer: Well, Wesley, our victim, uh, was the hero of the Body Bags franchise.

Dan: Ooh, and in Body Bags 4, newcomer Kimo Van Zandt appeared. He played this shady CIA operative, who acted as Wesley’s foil and his eventual ambiguous ally, but…

Lucifer: Then Kimo’s character got spun off into his own, more successful franchise, The Weaponizer. Personal fave… Weaponizer 4: The Last Arsenal.

Dan: So good, right?

Lucifer: At the end, with the whole…

(both imitate explosion)

Chloe: Okay, I so regret asking you guys this. Although, you’re oddly adorable.

(Lucifer and Dan look uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed)

Chloe: So, it seems like Kimo has always had it out for Wesley. Stole his wife, stole his film franchise. So maybe he really did “end” it for him once and for all.

Lucifer: But Kimo was in Reno.

Chloe: At ActionCon. But that convention happens the last week in August.

Lucifer: How do you know that?

Chloe: My mom used to go to it every year.

Dan: So Jamie’s lying.

Chloe: Or Kimo’s lying to her. Either way, we gotta find him.

Dan: I’ll put out a BOLO.

Chloe: Okay.

(The Goddess dressed in business attire enters Charlotte Richards’ office struggling to carry a large pile of legal file folders in one arm while speaking on her cell phone to Charlotte’s children’s school with the other.)

Goddess as Charlotte: (on phone) Please, hold on. Um… Again, I apologize that the children were late for school. And, yes, I understand that pants need to be worn every day, now.

(She sighs and gets off the phone just as all the files fall through her arms to the floor. She whimpers.)

Goddess: Ooh!

(Exasperated she leans on her desk. Ammenadiel enters the office behind her.)

Amenadiel: Rough day?

Goddess: Oh… Since returning to my employment, I have found the number of daily tasks to be almost insurmountable. (She picks up files off the floor.) But hey… at least you’re not here to take me back to Hell.

(They exchange a long look at each other.)

Goddess: You are here to take me back to Hell?

Amenadiel: No, Mom, I’m not. I’m just… Listen, I was just wondering if your being here is just postponing the inevitable. I mean, at some point… other siblings will come down here looking for you.

Goddess: And I’ll convince them to let me stay, just like I did you and Lucifer.

Amenadiel: You were gone for a really long time, Mom. You might not know your children as well as you think you do.

Goddess: You may be right. But, at least for now, I have you and Lucifer. My brave boys. (She walks over and puts her hands on his shoulders.) So if I’m here on Earth for two more years… or two hours… (touches his face) I will take every moment that I can get.

(He smiles sadly as she turns and goes back to her desk.)

(Chloe and Lucifer sit in her car on a stakeout watching for Kimo to arrive.)

Chloe: Yeah, the tip said that we’d find Kimo here. I guess we have to just sit tight.

(She unwraps a sandwich and tried to take a bit.)

Lucifer: Where did that sandwich come from?

Chloe: The patrol guys give them to us when we’re on a stakeout. I’m starving. (Lucifer grabs the sandwich and throws it in the backseat.) What the hell?

Lucifer: What part of “opposite day” don’t you understand?

Chloe: It was a random car accident.

Lucifer: (chuckles) Well, let’s agree… that you’re wrong.

Chloe: What is with you? Why are you suddenly so concerned for my well-being?

(Lucifer looks at her for a long moment thinking what he can say back to her. We hear the bar’s backdoor opens. Lucifer looks and recognizes someone.)

Lucifer: Oh, m… Kimo Van Zandt. In the flesh.

Chloe: Here we go.

(Kimo is following another hipster-man out of the bar and into the parking lot. A car lock beeps. Kimo slips on a ski mask and grabs the man.)

Lucifer: What?

Chloe: What the hell?

(Man grunts. Chloe and Lucifer get out of the car. Chloe draws her gun.)

Chloe: LAPD! On the ground, now! On the ground. You. Over there.

(Kimo falls to his knees, hands over his head. Chloe puts handcuffs on him and removes the ski mask.)

Hipster: Dude, no way! The Weaponizer just tried to jump me?

(Hipster laughing and takes a photo. Lucifer is excited to actually see Kimo in the flesh. Chloe shakes her head.)

(Kimo sits at the table.)

Chloe: Why did you attack the guy in the parking lot?

Kimo: I swear, I wasn’t going to hurt him.

Lucifer: (leaning in close to Kimo) Was he a terrorist about to plant a bomb? Leader of a murderous cult, perhaps? He must be someone really evil for the Weaponizer to get involved.

Kimo: He’s just some guy in trouble with the Mob.

Lucifer: So they’ve got his family and they’re forcing him to kill the president.

Kimo: No. He’s got gambling debts.

Chloe: H-Hold on. So you, former A-list, B-list actor, you’re now breaking legs for the Mob?

Kimo: It’s to pay the bills. I’m broke.

Lucifer: (chuckling Lucifer does his mojo) Oh, come now. Look at me. You’re the Weaponizer. What is it your badass-kicking self truly desires, hmm?

Kimo: For my wife to be happy. That’s why I’ve been willing to take any job. So she won’t find out. She’s my… lighthouse.

Lucifer: (angrily) What happened to you, man? Your lighthouse? Pathetic. (sighs)

Chloe: Was killing Wesley Cabot another case of leg-breaking gone awry or what?

Kimo: No! I-I’d never hurt Wesley. We were friends.

Chloe: Huh. Could’ve fooled me.

Kimo: We had a public rivalry, but-but it was just for business.

Lucifer: (scoffs) In reality, we share everything. The same managers, agents, lawyers…

Chloe: Wives?

Kimo: I’m not proud of how it went down with Jamie, but we fell in love. And Wesley forgave me. We even kept our friendship secret from Jamie so it wouldn’t be weird.

Chloe: Then where were you this morning at 7:00 a.m.? We know it wasn’t ActionCon.

Kimo: I was signing stuff at a small comic book store. I lied to Jamie because I don’t want her to know how bad it’s gotten.

Officer: (enters room and hands a file to Chloe) Detective.

Chloe: Yeah.

Officer: You should look at this.

Chloe: (sighs) Your prints were on the murder weapon. Kimo Van Zandt, you’re under arrest for the murder of Wesley Cabot.

Kimo: (shocked and scared) N-No. No! No!

(Officer handcuffs Kimo. Lucifer looks genuinely sad his hero may be a murderer.)

(Lucifer and Chloe are walking down the stairs headed for her desk.)

Lucifer: I don’t think he did it.

Chloe: Why? ‘Cause he’s the Weaponizer?

Lucifer: The Weaponizer once bit a man’s ear off for looking at him funny… this puddle of whine doesn’t have it in him anymore.

Chloe: He breaks legs for the Mob.

Lucifer: Yes, but he’s not a killer. All he cares about is his well-preserved wife.

Chloe: Maybe he can get a jury to buy that. I don’t. And, personally, I’m happy the judge set his bail at half a million. Now Dan has time to check his alibi, and…

(Indistinct chatter in the open area near the stairs as Kimo is surrounded by officers wanting to meet the star.)

Chloe: (to Lucifer) I thought he was broke.

Lucifer: Oh, I paid his bail. Even in this woeful, pathetic state, the Weaponizer does not spend one minute in jail. “Not on my watch.” (chuckles) See what I did there, with the…

Chloe: I literally don’t know what to say to you right now.

Lucifer: (chuckles)

Ryan Goldburg: Mr. Morningstar.

Lucifer: Yes.

Ryan Goldburg:Uh, Ryan Goldburg. (shaking Lucifer’s hand) Uh, Kimo’s business manager. I wanted to thank you for making his bail. Uh, you know, Kimo sure as hell couldn’t pay it himself.

Lucifer: Oh, it’s the least I could do for a true national treasure.

Chloe: So, for someone with so many hit movies under their belt, why is he so broke?

Ryan Goldburg: Exotic cars. Private islands. You know what costs more than an albino tiger? The upkeep on an albino tiger. He blew through his money. Didn’t listen. And now there’s no more coming in. (to Lucifer) Thanks again.

Lucifer: Yes.

(Ryan leaves.)

Lucifer: Such a tragedy.

Chloe: Well, it’s always a tragedy when someone gets killed.

Lucifer: No, I’m talking about his tiger. I would have bought it if I’d known.

(Looking over again to the open area Chloe sees Dan taking a selfie with a picture of Kimo.)

Chloe: Why isn’t Dan checking the alibi? Dan…

(Siren wailing in distance. Lucifer looks up to see Amenadiel on the landing above stairs and goes up to talk to him.)

Amenadiel: I want to talk about Uriel.

Lucifer: Well, what’s there to talk about? Punch, taunt, punch, groin stomp. Repeat.

Amenadiel: Yeah, listen, Luci, I’ve been thinking, there might be a better way to handle this without violence.

Lucifer: What, like hugging him back to Heaven?

Amenadiel: Like hiding Mom. Hiding Chloe. And wait Uriel out.

Lucifer: What?

Amenadiel: Look, just because he told us his plan doesn’t mean that’s his plan. It’s Uriel. It could be a trap.

Lucifer: Brother, you’ve been here too long. It’s changed you.

Amenadiel: (fearful Lucifer has guessed his secret) What do you mean?

Lucifer: Meaning that ever since you’ve been here, you’ve had to restrain yourself. But this is Uriel. You’re you. Amenadiel. Firstborn. Unleash yourself. Enjoy it. (sighs) Look, you do know that he was always afraid of you.

Amenadiel: Don’t mock me.

Lucifer: I’m not. It’s true. All right? Growing up, we… well, we all looked up to you. You were like our very own action star.

Amenadiel: Even you?

Lucifer: Well, don’t get me wrong. You were a major power-hungry dick about it. But trust me. Just the sight of you will send quivers down Uriel’s spine.

Amenadiel: You’re right. All he needs to see is me in all of my glory.

Lucifer: And there’s that angelic ego I’m talking about. Right. You know what to do.

(Amenadiel is dressed in his angel robes and acting powerful.)

Amenadiel: Uriel.

Uriel: Amenadiel.

Amenadiel: It’s good to see you, little brother. You’re a welcome sight for sore eyes.

Uriel: I am?

Amenadiel: Of course you are. (sighs) But, Uri, you must go home. I really do have everything under control.

Uriel: Are you sure? Lucifer’s still on Earth. Now, Mom’s here, too. Uh… It almost looks like you’re in over your head. But don’t worry. I’m here to help.

Amenadiel: (angry and belittling) Yeah. You really think I need your help? You. Pathetic, small Uriel. Not the eldest son. Not the young rebel. But an angel buried somewhere deep in the middle. (Amenadiel approaches Uriel getting louder with every step.) Lost in the crowd of your betters.

Uriel: That is not…

Amenadiel: (yelling in Uriel’s face) If God wants something done, he sends me, Uri. (softly) Me. Not you. I am Amenadiel. (He takes steps forward forcing Uriel to walk backward) The fury and the righteousness of our father. And you, little brother, are standing in my way.

Uriel: (raising his hands in defeat) Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll return home.

(Uriel walks past Amenadiel to leave. Amenadiel looks relieved.)

Uriel: You know what? Something’s bothering me.

(Amenadiel turns just as Uriel punches him in the face and knocking Amenadiel to the ground.) I knew it. “Fury of God” doesn’t usually talk so much. More a man of action. Amenadiel, at full strength, I could never beat this easily. Something’s happened to you. (Amenadiel attempts to get up. Uriel kicks him to keep him down. Amenadiel grunts.) I saw this coming, you know. I mean, not this exactly, because patterns are never that precise, but your pride was always gonna be your undoing. After all, the bigger they are… Well, I think even you can guess what comes next. (Uriel unfurls his wings) I’m glad you came instead of Lucifer. And I’ve waited so long for this. Forgive me if I enjoy it.

(Uriel raises fist and punches. Fade to black.)

(Lucifer sits and happily looking at Weaponsizer memorabilia scattered around the table.)

Chloe: So did Kimo’s alibi check out?

Dan: Uh, yeah. Yeah. According to the owner of the comic book store, Kimo was there all morning, signing merchandise.

Chloe: So you had to confiscate all these toys just to tell me that?

Dan: Uh, yeah. Yeah, it’s a visual aid.

Chloe: Right.

Dan: Look, those dolls, they’re selling like hotcakes. The owner said that ever since Body Bags started streaming on Netflix, he can’t keep them in stock.

Chloe: And that relates to the murder how?

Dan: Well, at the scene, Wesley was going over all of his old Body Bags 4 stuff.

Chloe: Mm-hmm.

Dan: Including his old contract, says he’s entitled to one percent of all merchandising revenue. It’s not much. So I had the studio send over a copy of their contract.

Chloe: Mm-hmm.

Dan: Look at that. Says Wesley should be getting ten percent. Yeah. I also took a look at Kimo Van Zandt’s contract. Same thing happened to him. Kimo and Wesley shared everything. Wives, agents… business managers.

Both: Ryan Goldburg.

Chloe: Wesley figured out Ryan’s scam, confronted him, and then Ryan killed him to keep him quiet.

Dan: Yeah. But how did he get Kimo’s prints on the murder weapon so that he could frame him?

Chloe: I’m gonna ask him. (to Lucifer) All right. You coming?

Lucifer: (standing and putting on his jacket) No, no. You got this covered.

Chloe: What? You’ve been attached to me all day and now that we may have figured out who killed Wesley, you’re just leaving?

Lucifer: Yes. Well, by now, the threat to you should’ve passed. But just in case, I’ve some family business to attend to. All right? (he leaves)

Chloe: Fine. I’ll go alone.

(Chloe leaves Ella and Dan in the lab.)

Ella: It’s like, get a room already, right?

Dan: What?

Ella: Too soon? Sorry. So, um… how-how’s the… the case going?

Dan: It’s fine. Yeah, it looks like the money manager did it. Tried to frame Kimo Van Zandt. Don’t know how yet.

Ella: Man, killed by your own weird award. That’s gotta suck.

Dan: It was actually… (chuckles) It was really, really touching when they got it. (suddenly Dan has a brainstorm) When they got it.

(Dan rushes out and finds Chloe ascending the stairs on her way to the elevators to leave.)

Dan: There were two awards.

Chloe: (who is on her phone gets off the call) Thanks. (to Dan) What are you talking about?

Dan: There were two awards because a fight takes two people. One of the awards was given to Wesley…

Chloe: And one to Kimo.

Dan: Someone must’ve switched out his award for Wesley’s. That’s why Kimo’s prints were on it.

Chloe: Jamie Lee Adrienne was at the dojo. Maybe she had access to Kimo’s award.

Dan: Maybe she’s working with Ryan.

Chloe: Okay, you find Jamie, (elevator bell dings, Chloe steps inside) I’ll get the business manager. His office said he’s having lunch at the Ignacia Hotel.

(Elevator doors open. Lucifer enters and goes to the bar to make himself a drink and speaks to Maze and Amenadiel who are in the living area.)

Lucifer: Ah! Right, let me just make myself comfy because I cannot wait to hear how you sent Urinal packing. (chuckles) And please do not skimp on any of the gory details.

(Maze has been tending to Amenadiel’s wounds. She now turns to face Lucifer who is stunned to see what has happened to Amenadiel for the first time.)

Maze: (angrily to Lucifer) This would never have happened if you’d listened to me earlier.

Lucifer: (scoffs) How is this possible, brother?

Amenadiel: I no longer have my powers.

Lucifer: Well, what happened to them?

Amenadiel: (sarcastically) Oh, I don’t know, Luci, pick a sin. Is it because I released a damned soul from Hell? Slept with a demon? Is it because I’m working with you? Or because of Mom? Or am I simply no longer worthy? (sniffles) It’s time that I faced the truth, brother. I’ve fallen.

Lucifer: Well. Welcome to the club. Meetings are on Tuesdays.

Amenadiel: It’s different for me, Luci. It’s different. I no longer have my powers. My very strength…

Lucifer: Big deal! It’s probably the best thing that ever happened to you. But right now I haven’t got time to hold your hand, because I need to clear up your mess!

Amenadiel: My mess?

Lucifer: Uriel’s still out there. And the clock is up… which means the detective is in grave danger.

(Lucifer rushes out to find Chloe and save her.)

(Uriel stands considering the patterns he is envisioning. He turns and walks into a man who drops his newspaper, who bends to pick it up, and knocking into a woman holding the hand of a child who is holding a beach ball.)

(The beach ball falls and bounces into the street where a construction worker catches it but this causes a car to have to stop suddenly not to hit him. Kimo in the car honks the horn then angrily gets out of the car and confronts the construction worker who is giving the ball to the mother.)

Kimo: Are you serious?

Construction Worker: What?

Kimo: You wear the orange vest, you can do whatever you want?!

(Kimo looks up, then walks towards the hotel as he sees his wife kissing his business manager outside the hotel entrance. The couple enters the hotel. Kimo, fuming, heads back to his car.)

(We now see Chloe drive up, get out of her car and hand her keys to the valet. Chloe goes into the hotel and we see a satisfied Uriel watching her go.)

(The Goddess has one Charlotte’s boy tied to the edge of a soccer goal frame. The boy is constantly barking like a dog and The Goddess is at-her-wits-end. Maze walks determined towards The Goddess.)

Goddess as Charlotte: Stop it! Why are you barking now? What is wrong with you? (continues barking) Oh! I am your mother! (to herself) Sort of.

Maze: Did you make one of them your pet?

Goddess: I figured out the husband, then it was the job, now it’s the children. (exhales) This is supposed to be a time out (barking continues) to teach you a lesson!

Maze: I don’t think that’s how time-outs work.

(Boy continues barking. Maze walks over to him, looks directly in the face, and deeply growls sounding like a real animal)

Boy: (scared) Mommy, I’m sorry.

Goddess: (to Maze) Maybe you’re not so bad after all.

Maze: (seriously) We need to talk.

(Jamie Lee and Ryan are at a table leaning towards each other and happily kissing as Chloe arrives. Ryan suddenly stops kissing and looks scared.)

Jamie Lee: What? (She turns to see Chloe walking up to the table.) Detective Decker. What are you doing here?

Chloe: I could ask you two the same thing.

Ryan Goldburg: Uh, we’re just having a business meeting.

Jamie Lee: Yeah.

Chloe: Mm. You make out with all your clients? What’s the occasion? You celebrating the successful theft of Wesley and Kimo’s merchandising money?

Ryan Goldburg: I would never steal from my clients.

Jamie Lee: (scoffs)

Chloe: Oh, you are clever, Ryan.

Jamie Lee: What is she talking about, Ryan?

Chloe: What I’m talking about is how Wesley realized his action figures were selling like hotcakes, did some investigating and saw that he was getting robbed.

Ryan Goldburg: I think you should go.

Chloe: Unfortunately for Wesley, he shared his concerns about his business manager with his ex-wife, who happened to be sleeping with him. And that voice mail that you played for us, that’s what started this, and that’s what got him killed.

(Both now realize they’ve been caught and turn on each other.)

Jamie Lee: He did it! He’s the one who killed Wesley!

Ryan Goldburg: What?! No, it was her idea! It was her idea to switch out the Nunchuck Award, cover it in blood…

Jamie Lee: (Looking behind Chloe she is scared and yells) Don’t shoot!

Chloe: What? (she turns to see Kimo standing there with a shotgun pointing at the couple with Chloe in the middle.)

Kimo: (angrily) You stole from me, killed Wesley, then you tried to frame me for it?!

Chloe: (trying to calm him) Kimo…

Kimo: I cared about both of you!

(Kimo cocks gun, Jamie Lee screams)

Ryan Goldburg: No, please! (Ryan tries to hide behind Jamie.)

Chloe: Kimo… put the gun down. Please.

Kimo: They murdered Wesley.

Chloe: And they will pay for that, I promise you. But don’t let them ruin your life, too, Kimo. Please.

Kimo: My life is already ruined. Get out of the way.

Chloe: No.

Kimo: I’ll shoot you! I don’t care anymore!

Lucifer: (entering behind Kimo he yells) Kimo!

(Lucifer walks forward with two officers following him.)

Kimo: (he turns and points the shotgun at Lucifer) Stay back.

Chloe: (to officers) Guys, stand down.

Lucifer: Detective, you don’t know what you’re up against. This was engineered to put you in harm’s way. (pleading) You must believe me.

(Kimo turns and again points the shotgun at Chloe.)

Chloe: I know exactly what I’m up against. It’s just a man… who’s in a lot of pain.

(Lucifer begrudgingly stops and steps back.)

Chloe: (in a calm voice she talks to Kimo while very slowly stepping towards him.) Kimo, a couple days ago I was in a really bad car accident. And I’ve spent the last few days trying to convince everybody that cares about me that it wasn’t a big deal. The truth is… I’m terrified. I’m scared of how it can all just end… with no rhyme or reason. And what I want to do right now is just go home and read a bedtime story to my daughter. But… you know… that’s not up to me, either. We can’t control what happens to us, only how it affects us and the choices we make. So, please. Make the right choice, Kimo. (whispers) Please put down the gun.

(Sirens wailing in the background. Kimo is moved by Chloe’s words. He looks sadly at his wife, then exhales, lowers the gun, and begins to whimper.)

Chloe: (whispering to Kimo) Thank you.

(Officers now swarm in taking Kimo, Jamie, and Ryan away.)

Lucifer: (walks over to where Chloe is standing) Well, well done, Detective. Kimo was about to do a very bad thing.

Chloe: Oh, well, not on my watch.

Lucifer: (chuckles) Very good. Let me escort you back to the station.

Chloe: No… I’m-I’m okay. You know, I don’t believe in fate. And I don’t believe in bad luck. And I appreciate your concern, but come what may. I am leaving here… alone.

Lucifer: Very well. But just… buckle up, Detective, please. (sighs) Right. Now, if you’ll excuse me. There’s something I need to deal with.

(Lucifer pours himself a drink at his bar. Someone enters from the balcony behind him.)

Goddess: Lucifer.

Lucifer: Mum.

Goddess: I’m letting Uriel take me back to Hell.

Lucifer: (scoffs) Well, there’s no need to overreact, Mother.

Maze: (entering from the bedroom) Let her go. It’s the right move.

Lucifer: Right. Of course. Remind me at some point to give you a refresher on the meaning of loyalty.

Maze: It’s what’s best for everyone. She goes back to Hell, where she belongs; Chloe is safe, and I don’t have to clean up your mess anymore.

Goddess: More importantly, you get to keep your word.

Lucifer: I am keeping my word. You’re serving out your sentence here on Earth.

Maze: You know that’s not what your Father wanted.

Lucifer: (enraged he screams) Do I?! Everyone thinks they know what He wants! Amenadiel did when he first got here, now Uriel does! Human wars have been waged because of it! Dad showed me an open door. Does that mean I was meant to take you back to Hell or was he insinuating that Hell was getting drafty? Nobody bloody knows because the selfish b*st*rd won’t just tell us! And I’m sick of it. he mellows and sounds weary) No more. No more.

Goddess: (going to him) There’s my Lightbringer. My Morningstar. Uriel was so small when he was a child. All he ever wanted was to play with you and the older kids. But you all excluded him.

Lucifer: Yes. And every time he came back, pestering us again. Which is strange, considering he knew what the outcome would be.

Goddess: That’s how much he wanted to be around you, Lucifer. Uriel is a stubborn boy. When he sets his mind, it doesn’t waver. He’s not going to give up until he has either me or that detective.

Lucifer: Mum… I refuse to believe that. There is always another way.

Goddess: If anyone can find it, it’s you.

(Lucifer sits in a front pew, his head bowed and hands in prayer, calling Uriel.)

Uriel: (enters from the back of the room) For a brief moment, the pattern faltered. I thought it meant you’d actually bring Mom. That somehow, you’d surprise me. ‘Cause for once in my life, I’d like to be surprised, but no. No, here you are. (Lucifer stands) Are you done hiding behind our big brother’s skirt?

Lucifer: (short chuckle) Yes, it’s just me now. Big, bad Lucifer.

Uriel: We’ve already had this fight before, Lucifer. Right here. (pointing to his head) You see, in my head, I’ve seen everything you do. I’ve heard every dumb quip you have to say.

Lucifer: Right, let me guess… in your version, I deliver Mom to you, apologizing, tears streaming down my face.

Uriel: Actually, no. In my version, you refuse to give Mom up and your human friend dies.

Lucifer: Yes, you’ve tried that twice now. Not much luck. Maybe you’re not as good at this as you thought.

Uriel: Maybe I’m building up to a big finale.

Lucifer: (stepping closer to Uriel) All right. Uriel… you don’t know what Dad wants. None of us do. So I think…

Uriel: You’re right. I don’t know what Dad wants. None of us do.

Lucifer: Right. Great, well, I’m glad we had this talk. I’ll see you at the next family reunion. I’ll buy the first round.

Uriel: But I do know what he needs. Mom’s out. It’s only a matter of time before she finds her way back to Heaven, and then he’ll forgive her.

Lucifer: He would never do that.

Uriel: Why not? You did. She’s been here, like, what… three minutes? Now you’re already defending her. Dad’ll do the same thing. He’ll let His guard down. And then she’ll destroy Him. I need to make sure that doesn’t happen. (Uriel pulls out a blade that was hidden, sheathed behind his back until now.)

Lucifer: (Stunned, he recognizes the blade.) That’s Azrael’s Blade. How do you have it?

Uriel: I borrowed it off the Angel of Death when she wasn’t looking.

Lucifer: (now realizing the implications) You’re not planning on taking Mom back to Hell. That weapon will wipe her out of existence entirely. No Heaven, no Hell, just… just gone.

Uriel: Finally, a moment of clarity between us.

Lucifer: (intensely) You’ve gone completely insane, brother.

(Uriel puts the bland back behind his back and moves towards the church’s organ.)

Uriel: I’m doing what has to be done, and you’ve run out of time. See, I don’t care about your deal with Dad. I don’t care about what happens to your little human. But it’s obvious you care for her a tad more than you do Mom. (Uriel holding a finger over one of its keys.) Now, all I need to do is hit this one little key right here. A sequence will begin, and two days from now… your cute little human will finally die. (Lucifer walks towards Uriel) So, Lucifer, you can either let that happen or you can give me Mom. Last chance. You choose.

(Lucifer is now standing behind Uriel, reaches out and holds Uriels’s hand, and gently stops him from pressing the key.)

Lucifer: (whispers) Very well.

(With his other hand, Lucifer punches Uriel hard in the face.)

Lucifer: (angry) Well, you didn’t see that coming, did you? Eh?

(Uriel stands up and puts Azrael’s Blade back in the sheath behind his back.)

Uriel: Actually, I did see it coming.

(Lucifer hits Uriel twice with his fists. Uriel grunts and is knocked down by the blows.)

Uriel: (he stands up) I mean, I knew you were gonna attack. I just wasn’t sure how.

(They exchange more blows. Lucifer still getting the better or Uriel.)

Uriel: Patterns are tricky like that. Takes time to get a real sense of them.

(Uriel motions with his hand for Lucifer to come on and hit Uriel again then puts up his fists. A few more blows are exchanged. And then Lucifer is surprised when Uriel grabs Lucifer’s hand and stops him.)

Uriel: I needed to study you a bit.

(Uriel hits Lucifer again and elbows him in the face.)

Uriel: Took much less time than I expected.

Lucifer: Aah! (Lucifer grabs a large board and with all his strength throws it, missing Uriel but shattering a large stained glass window. Intense fighting between the two ensues. Uriel connects with a strong blow and Lucifer is sent flying and breaks a pew as he crumbles to the ground, hurt and barely unconscious.)

Uriel: You’re lucky I’d never use Azrael’s Blade on you, brother.

(Maze drops from the ceiling and stands in Uriel’s way with both her demon blades in one hand.)

Maze: Why don’t you pick on a girl?

(Azrael’s Blade rings as Uriel pulls it from behind his back.)

Uriel: But I have no qualms about using it on a filthy, scum-sucking demon.

(Intense fighting, grunts, sparks, and the clanging of metal against metal continue through a number of exchanges. Maze knocks Asriel’s Blade out of his hand and it lands away from him on the floor.)

Uriel: You haven’t disappointed, Mazikeen. Your patterns were tough to see.

(Another volley of blows are exchanged.)

Maze: (Aah!)

(Uriel gets the better of her and injures her. Maze is still standing.)

Uriel: But still predictable nonetheless.

(Maze leaps up and gets on Uriel’s shoulders using her elbow to strike him about the head and face. Uriel flips her around and throws her to the floor, knocking her unconscious.)

Uriel: (walking back over to the organ) Because you made it so difficult, now I’m gonna take out Mom and the detective. (he holds his finger back over the key) You can’t stop me, brother.

(Without warning, Lucifer stabs Uriel in the heart with Azriel’s Blade.)

Uriel: (gasping) I didn’t see that coming.

(Uriel falls into Lucifer’s arms and then onto the floor. Uriel grabs Lucifer’s label and pulls him close and whispers something into Lucifer’s ear. He then goes limp and passes away.)

Maze: (now standing behind him) What did he say?

Lucifer: I… I couldn’t understand.

Maze: Prick got what he deserved.

Lucifer: (distraught) He was my brother.

(Slowly he raises his blood-soaked hand to look at it and then he has a look of devastation in his eyes as he looks back at Maze.)

(Chloe sits in bed with Trixie, reading her a bedtime story.)

Chloe: “…As the first stars came out, Coraline finally allowed herself to drift into sleep. While the gentle upstairs music of the mouse circus spilled out onto the warm evening air, telling the world that the summer was almost done.”

Trixie: Read it again.

Chloe: You want me to read it again? Okay, baby. “Coraline discovered the door a little while after they moved into the house…

(The Goddess nervously waits. The elevator doors open and a disheveled Lucifer slowly emerges.)

Goddess: What happened?

(Lucifer cautiously moves forward, looking devastated. He says nothing.)

Goddess: Where’s Uriel?

(Lucifer seems to be pleading with his eyes. He continues to say nothing.)

Goddess: Oh…

(The Goddess gasps as she realizes what has happened.)

Lucifer: What have I done?

Goddess: No… No, no, no

(She goes to him and wraps her arms around Lucifer as he stands there silently crying.)