S2 Ep11: Stewardess Interruptus

Lucifer: I, um…

Chloe: What?

Lucifer: Well, I-I got you burgers and fries, but I forgot the ketchup.

Chloe: I hate ketchup.

Lucifer: (chuckles) Foolish condiment.

(elevator dings)

Jana: Lucifer!

Jana: Hello! This is your flight attendant speaking. Please buckle up.

Lucifer: Jana?

Chloe: I didn’t know you were expecting company.

Lucifer: I wasn’t. I…

Jana: Surprise layover in L.A., I thought we could rack up some miles. She’s welcome to join, if she’s game.

Chloe: Excuse me.

Lucifer: Wait. No… Detective. I had no idea that Jana was coming over.

Chloe: It’s okay. I’ll let you two catch up.

Lucifer: Detective, please! Come on. I mean, we were… we were having a moment. Don’t be angry.

Chloe: I’m not angry. I’m… glad she showed up.

Lucifer: You are?

Chloe: Yeah. She just kept me from making a big mistake.

Lucifer: Detective! I… Jana…

Jana: Wheels up, Captain?

Lucifer: I’m afraid this flight’s grounded.

(Trixie is sitting at the kitchen island. Chloe is making breakfast.)

Chloe: You want some juice with your eggs, honey?

Trixie: I don’t like eggs.

Chloe: What? Since when don’t you like eggs?

(Trixie plops a box of cereal on the counter. )

Trixie: They’re a wondrously scrumptious start to your day.

Chloe: Give me that. Who got you this? Maze?

Trixie: They’re my favorite. Please, please, Mommy?

Chloe: (groans) Honey… Okay. But only because I missed story time.

Trixie: Were you working last night?

Chloe: Uh, no. I had a little dinner.

Trixie: With who?

Chloe: Uh, Lucifer.

Trixie: Oh. So if you weren’t working, was it, like, a date? With flowers and candles and songs about naked stuff?

Chloe: No! Definitely no. It wasn’t a… it wasn’t a date. It-it really wasn’t.

Trixie: Then why are your cheeks getting red, Mommy?

Chloe: My cheeks aren’t getting red…

(Chloe starts to tickle Trixie just as Maze plops a newspaper on the counter in front of Chloe.)

Maze: Check it out.

Chloe: Oh. Yeah. I had no idea you were so concerned about L.A.’s water shortages.

Maze: What? No. Yeah. Wrong side. Someone got his a*s.

Chloe: Yeah. Monkey, go get your backpack.

Trixie: I’m good. I’ll stay here.

(Chloe looks sternly at Trixie, who backs down and leaves the kitchen.)

Chloe: Yeah. Someone told me he died this morning. I heard.

Maze: Wait, why aren’t you happy? Your father’s k*ller finally got what he deserved.

Chloe: What Perry Smith deserved was to rot in jail for the rest of his life.

Maze: But still. Pretty awesome that someone took him out, right? I bet it hurt. A lot.

Chloe: Whoever did this is no better than he was.

(Maze is taken aback. Upset, she pours vodka into the cereal bowl and starts to angrily eat it.)

(Lucifer is sitting at the piano as The Goddess arrives.)

Goddess: Lucifer.

Lucifer: (groans) There’s something very important we need to discuss. New visitors policy. Hot women turning up unannounced are no longer welcome. Especially those who are secretly my mother.

Goddess: Well, I think you’ll make an exception when you hear what I have to say.

Lucifer: Well, spit it out. I don’t have an eternity here. Oh, yes. Actually, I do. I just want you gone.

Goddess: It’s about Chloe.

Lucifer: What have you done this time?

Goddess: Son, I don’t know how to tell you this.

Lucifer: What is it, Mum?

Goddess: I… was wrong.

Lucifer: (scoffs)

Goddess: I wanted to prove to you that Chloe wasn’t worthy of you. I gave her every incentive to turn on you. But she didn’t. She impressed me. I’m starting to understand what you see in her.

(both chuckle softly)

Lucifer: But, uh, regardless, it’s a moot point.

Goddess: Why’s that?

Lucifer: Because what you couldn’t destroy, I did all on my own.

Goddess: Oh?

Lucifer: (sighs) Look, just call it a case of stewardess interrupts. Perhaps it was for the best.

Goddess: I know you don’t believe that. I don’t know what happened between you two. But I do know that Chloe proved herself to you. Maybe now it’s your turn. Maybe now it’s time that you prove yourself to her.

Lucifer: (chuckles softly)

Chloe: You don’t have to prove anything to me.

Lucifer: Well, normally, I would agree with you. But you insist on letting an impossibly attractive flight attendant come between us. And not in a fun way.

Chloe: Lucifer, we are very different people with very different personalities, and I’m not judging. I’m a homicide detective, not the sl*t police. And I mean you, not her.

Lucifer: Nothing happened after you left.

Chloe: Not my business if it did.

Lucifer: No. But what I’m saying is things have changed now, since we had our moment.

Chloe: We didn’t have a moment.

Lucifer: Yes, we did. And I can assure you, Detective, I will never lay eyes on that flight attendant again.

Chloe: You sure about that?

Lucifer: Oh, no. Jana. Always with the tragic timing.

Chloe: Doesn’t seem to be a mugging. Cash, credit card, keys, all still here. (to officer) Can you look for her phone?

Officer: Yes.

Chloe: Thanks. (to Lucifer) I’m sorry about your friend.

Lucifer: I don’t think I deserve the term. We hardly knew each other, really.

Chloe: So a woman showed up to your house for sex, and you barely knew her? Of course, that’s what happened.

Lucifer: Guilty as charged.

Chloe: You want to tell me what happened last night?

Lucifer: Jana left five minutes after you did. Alive.

Chloe: I believe you, but can anyone else confirm your story?

Lucifer: Well, I was with 300 of my closest strangers in Lux. I went to the bar right after she left.

Chloe: Well, what about the five minutes before she left?

Lucifer: Are you jealous, Detective?

Chloe: No. I’m just trying to piece together a timeline. A lot can happen in five minutes.

Lucifer: You can’t be suggesting…

Chloe: That you slept with her? I’m not.

Lucifer: No. That I’m a two-pump chump. If we’d slept together, she wouldn’t have left until the morning. Believe me. Maybe she’d still be alive.

Chloe: Okay, what else can you tell me about Jana? I need to put together a victim profile.

Lucifer: Well, I mean, she gave incredible…

Chloe: And I’m not talking about her sexual skills.

Lucifer: Right.

Chloe: Maybe her last name, friends, family, where she was staying when she was in L.A.?

Lucifer: I’m a lover, not a Rolodex.

Officer: Detective. Found it in the tunnel. (hands Chloe the phone)

Chloe: Thank you.

Chloe: All threatening texts. All sent from the same number. This last one, just before she got to your place.

Lucifer: “Ditch the loser from Lux”? Oh, this is terrible. She was seeing someone else at Lux?

Chloe: I think it means you.

Lucifer: (laughs)

(Dan holding folder and walking out of Crime Lab towards his desk.)

Dan: The number on Jana’s cell belongs to a wealthy Silicon Valley guy, Andy Kleinberg. We tracked his phone’s GPS to some swanky Malibu beach house. I’ll send you the address, Chloe.

(Sees Maze sitting with her legs up on his desk.)

Dan: What the hell are you doing here?

Maze: You see this? (Shows him a newspaper.) We’re basically famous.

Dan: Are you nuts? You brag about what we did in a police precinct?

Maze: Dude. Chill. I was coming to get my check. Yeah. (laughs) And I thought that we could, uh, celebrate our righteous k*ll. (giggles)

Dan: (shocked) We didn’t k*ll anyone, okay? We just… We gave karmic justice a little nudge.

Maze: Oh. Is that what we’re calling the Russian mob now?

Dan: Shh!

Maze: (chuckles) Come on! Let’s grab some vodka; we’ll make it a theme.

Dan: Maze, we’re not having a drink. We shouldn’t even be seen together until all this blows over. Do you get it?

(Dan storms away, leaving Maze frustrated.)

Chloe: Trying to blend in?

Lucifer: Well, it’s not often I get to break out the linen. Speaking of style, I’ve got to get one of these for Lux. Yeah, that would really tie the place together. Look, for the last time…

Woman: Hey, Lucifer.

Lucifer: (to woman) Yes. Hello. (to Chloe) For the last time, Detective, nothing happened with Jana after you left.

Chloe: I believe you. It just doesn’t…

Woman 2: Hey, Lucifer.

Chloe: …change anything.

Lucifer: Well, why not?

Chloe: Well, look at this party. I bet this is your definition of fun, isn’t it?

Lucifer: Well, I mean, I prefer scotch in a lowball to sex on the beach… and the drink, I mean. But dealer’s choice.

Chloe: Okay, well, fun for me is being home with Trixie, reading her a book.

Lucifer: Really?

Chloe: Yeah. And that’s okay, but we’re different. Like, too different.

Lucifer: Well, as a wise man once said, “opposites attract.”

Chloe: I believe that was an animated cat in a music video.

Lucifer: A wise animated cat.

Chloe: (walks up to a man standing by the pool.) Excuse me. Hi. I am looking for Andy Kleinberg. Do you know where he is?

Man: Don’t waste your time with him. Let me get you a drink.

Lucifer: (angrily steps towards the man) Keep it in your pants, Tommy Bahama. She’s spoken for, thank you.

Chloe: (chuckles, pushing Lucifer away) No, I’m not. So do you know where Andy is?

Man: Your loss. (he points towards some lounge chairs.)

Chloe: Oh. Thank you.

Chloe: (standing in front of a man and woman in lounge chairs) Andy Kleinberg?

Andy: You’re blocking my view.

Chloe: The view from a jail cell sucks, too.

Andy: What? Is this a joke? Wait, is this one of George’s pranks to get me back for that stripper? Hey, are you a stripper?

Lucifer: I’d recommend you stop talking now.

Chloe: Jana Lawrence was found m*rder*d this morning.

Andy: She was my stewardess on my flight yesterday. So?

Chloe: So you sent her a threatening text. “Ditch the loser from Lux.”

Kleineberg: Yeah. She said she was hooking up with some DJ named Lucifer.

Lucifer: DJ? How dare you!

Chloe: “Meet me now, or else.”

Andy: Yeah, or else this (pointing to his body) is shut off. No mas. Look, I sent that text to, like, 25 girls last night. It’s called a “booty call.” You ever have one?

Lucifer: Of course not. Booties call me. Sometimes.

Chloe: Look, is there anyone who can prove you not having sex?

Andy: Oh, I had sex. Meet Sharon.

Sharon: Hey, Lucifer. (touching him seductively as she walks by)

Kleinberg: Oh, yeah. She can attest to my whereabouts all night long. And she can, too. (motioning towards the woman in the lounge chair) Now… (sighs) if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go somewhere where you two are not. (he walks away)

Lucifer: Charming.

Chloe: You know… You and him have a lot in common.

Lucifer: We are nothing alike.

Chloe: Really? Right.

Lucifer: Well, that is clearly off the rack. Inferior linen. Not remotely the same.

Chloe: Regardless, I don’t think he’s our k*ller. Let’s go talk to your friend Sharon. See if his alibi checks out.

Lucifer: She’s not my friend. She’s just a woman that I… No, actually, that’s worse. Right, where to, then?

Chloe: (reading text on her phone) There’s been another m*rder. Ballistics match our flight attendant.

(Police are milling around a dead body on the floor, naked with only a towel wrapped around his waist.)

Dan: The victim was in the shower when he was k*lled. Signs of a struggle. Looks like he was tortured, too.

Lucifer: So Jana’s k*ller had it in for this poor chap as well, did they?

Chloe: On the upside, looks like he didn’t have anything to do with this case after all. Pretty sure you didn’t sleep with this guy.

Lucifer: Uh, actually, you’re wrong about that, Detective. Raj. So fit.

Chloe: This isn’t good.

Lucifer: What, that a man was one of my lovers? Come now, Detective, it’s the 21st century.

Chloe: It’s not that; it’s that you slept with both victims. We’ve been trying to find a connection between the two, and so far, all we have is you.

Lucifer: Well, I wish I could help you.

Chloe: What, you didn’t get details between the sweet nothings?

Lucifer: Quite a few, actually. But they were mostly about what he desired, which I doubt you want to hear.

Chloe: What if this whole thing is about desire? You’ve been with a lot of people. What if one of them got jealous and wanted you all to themselves?

Lucifer: What, you think one of my exes is k*lling off the others?

Chloe: Look, I’ve seen what your exes are capable of. Charlotte Richards, to name one.

Lucifer: Bloody hell, for the last time, she is not an ex.

Chloe: Either way, we should warn them that they could be in trouble. While Dan’s looking into other connections between our victims, we should talk to anyone you’ve slept with.

Lucifer: Oh, that’s a brilliant plan.

Chloe: It is?

Lucifer: Well, what better way to prove my word to you than a bevy of exes singing my praises?

Chloe: (chuckles) Sure. That’s definitely what’s gonna happen.

Lucifer: Yeah.

Chloe: Okay, a list of everyone you’ve slept with in the last eight weeks.

Lucifer: Right, you’ll need a much bigger notepad.

(The hallway is lined with many women and men Lucifer has slept with)

Dan: (Looking out into the hall and then coming back into the interrogation observation room where Lucifer is looking through 2-way mirror.) Wow. You slept with all of them?

Lucifer: Yes. Bit of a dry spell the last couple of months.

Dan: (scoffs)

Lucifer: This is a waste of time. I refuse to believe that one of my former lovers would k*ll another.

Dan: Yeah, well, so far we don’t have any other connections. And people will go to crazy lengths for the ones they love, even if they’re the ones who suggested the split… and still have feelings, even though they shouldn’t.

Lucifer: What on earth are you talking about?

Dan: Did I just say that out loud?

Lucifer: Yes.

Dan: Oh. Never mind.

Lucifer: Right.

Woman 1: (over speaker) It was an amazing, amazing night.

Chloe: But the next day, Lucifer was with another woman, so did that make you jealous?

Woman 2: Jealous? Why?

Chloe: Well, because he basically used you for sex and moved on. Did that bother you?

Woman 3: I knew what I was in for.

Chloe: And what were you in for?

Woman 4: The best night of my life.

Woman 1: The best night of my life.

Woman 5: The best night of my life.

Woman 3: The best night of my life.

Woman 2: The best night of my life.

Lucifer: (to Dan) You know, this is actually feeling a bit masturbatory, even for me. Though clearly not the words of a k*ller.

Woman 2: He knew exactly what I wanted.

Man 1: And he did this thing…

Chloe: (grunts)

Woman 4: He did this thing…

Chloe: (clears throat)

Woman 2: He even did this thing with a Pan flute and a butternut squash…

Lucifer: I was improvising. I didn’t have any zucchinis.

Woman 4: He did this thing with my Tibetan singing pot and artisan honey.

Lucifer: It’s a game I play called, “Do I make you horny, honey?”

Man: …with some Vaseline and a car battery.

Dan: What?

Lucifer: That was a move I call, “Gentlemen, start your engines.” It’s bloody brilliant. (chuckles)

Chloe: Did you and Lucifer have any intimate moments?

Woman 2: Obviously, we were intimate.

Woman 5: We were hella intimate. Mm!

Woman 1: Did you not hear about the honey? I mean…

Chloe: (clears throat, voice cracks) We’re talking about, um, emotional intimacy. Like, um… did Lucifer, uh, bring you dinner? Or did he do anything special for you? Get you a burger, fries?

Woman 1: (laughs) What? No.

Woman 3: Look, it was a rad night.

Woman 4: …and morning…

Woman 5: …and afternoon…

Woman 2: But… that’s all.

Chloe: Mm.

Woman 2: I mean, I certainly wouldn’t hurt anyone over him.

Woman 1: What? No. There was no reason to hurt anyone. I mean, he was just a meaningless one-night stand.

Chloe: Mm.

Man: It was just about sex.

Woman 3: It’s just sex.

Woman 4: It’s just sex.

Woman 2: There was no emotional connection. That was it, it was fun, but completely meaningless.

Man: Just fun… but meaningless.

Woman 5: Meaningless.

Woman 3: It meant nothing. Nada.

Woman 5: I never saw him again.

Woman 2: See where I’m going with this?

Dan: Well, look, man, the good news is… none of them has motive to be the k*ller.

Lucifer: Yes. Because none of them cared enough about me to m*rder.

Goddess: Thanks for calling me in. I actually wanted to speak with you.

Dan: Wait a minute, why is she here?

Lucifer: I don’t know. I keep telling the detective she’s not my ex.

Goddess: I wanted to tell you that you impressed me.

Chloe: Really?

Goddess: Yeah.

Chloe: Mm.

Goddess: I underestimated you. I gave you all the reasons in the world to betray Lucifer.

Chloe: You did. During that case, you went to incredible lengths to hurt Lucifer.

Goddess: I did nothing of the sort.

Chloe: You took that case just to try and get me to call Lucifer a liar in court.

Goddess: True, but I would never hurt Lucifer. I was trying to prove that you weren’t worthy of him.

Chloe: I see. What about the other women that you don’t think are worthy of him? What’d you do to them?

Goddess: (chuckles) Nothing. They are inconsequential. You’re different. He’s different when he’s with you.

Chloe: Does that threaten you?

Goddess: Perhaps at first. Not anymore. It makes me happy. I’m glad he found someone. He deserves a woman like you in his life. Have you slept with him yet?

Chloe: What?

Goddess: See? You’re different.

Chloe: Where were you the night of the 27th?

Lucifer: (exhales)

Dan: Hey, listen, man, you’re not gonna, uh… You’re not gonna tell Chloe about me and Charlotte, right?

Lucifer: Well, as long as you promise to never touch Charlotte again.

Dan: No, it’s not a problem.

Lucifer: Good. ‘Cause the last thing I need is a step-Dan.

Dan: You say some really weird things, man.

(Maze is lying on the sofa, twirling her demon blades.)

Maze: You ever do something awesome for somebody, and they just don’t care?

Dr. Linda: I’m a therapist. Being taken for granted is in the job description. Like, for example, when a friend uses your lunch break for free therapy, and doesn’t say thank you.

Maze: You want me to take care of this friend of yours?

Dr. Linda: Yeah… It’s fine.

Maze: So how do you deal with it?

Linda: I just realize that self-worth comes from within. You can’t rely on others to validate you.

Maze: I don’t care what anyone thinks of me.

Linda: Of course you do, we all do. You know, and that’s okay. That’s human.

Maze: I’m a demon.

Dr. Linda: I actually think you’re more human than a lot of people I know.

Maze: Take that back.

Dr. Linda: Okay, okay, you’re a good friend and a great pers… Demon. You just need to realize it for yourself.

Dr. Linda: Not because I said it.

Maze: (minor gasp) You’re saying I’m awesome.

Dr. Linda: I’m saying that you need to say that you’re awesome. Believe that you’re awesome. Yes, you’re awesome.

Maze: Hell yeah, I am. (grabs a boiled egg from Dr. Linda’s lunch) Thanks, Doc.

Maze: (opens door and leaves)

Chloe: Do you notice anything out of the ordinary? Did anyone threaten you?

Woman 2: I mean, there was that one girl.

Chloe: What girl?

Woman 4: The creepy weirdo.

Woman 5: She was always in a corner of the club. She just gave this death stare.

Woman 2: Daggers.

Chloe: Okay, can you give me a description?

Woman 1: Well, I can describe her aura.

Chloe: That’s okay.

(Chloe and Lucifer leave her car, heading towards the building.)

Chloe: Her name is Suki Price. A number of your exes confirmed seeing her lurking around Lux, so we ran her description through the DMV. Are you sure you don’t recognize her?

Lucifer: No, which is strange, ’cause I remember the face of everyone I’ve been with. Oh, maybe she’s mask girl. Let me guess: Halloween?

Lucifer: What? No. President’s Day. (chuckles) Or maybe, I don’t remember ’cause it was just another meaningless encounter.

Chloe: This case not the trip down memory lane you were hoping for?

Lucifer: Oh, it’s almost enough to make a man question the way he’s lived his life. Almost. Well, luckily, this girl gives me hope. At least one of my former lovers might be willing to k*ll for me. (arriving at apartment door) Oh. It’s open.

Chloe: LAPD. Anyone home?

(They now notice the wall is papered with photographs of Lucifer)

Chloe: Well, this isn’t creepy at all.

Lucifer: See? I told you someone cared.

(Picking up two hand-made dolls that look like him.)

Lucifer: Look at this. Multiple chest hair options. Amazing. I can make a lasting impression.

Chloe: Yeah, on someone with serious issues. This woman is clearly deranged, dangerous, and… Why am I on this wall?

Lucifer: Well, maybe she can just sense the inevitable.

(toilet flushes)

Chloe: (drawing her g*n) Suki Price? LAPD.

Suki: What’re you doing in my… (screams) Lucifer! (Goes back inside the bathroom and slams the door shut)

Chloe: Okay, hey, hey. What… Hey, come out with your hands up.

(Suki comes out with her hands up, one holding a bottle of air freshener she is spraying, and then drops it on the floor.)

Chloe: This is one of your exes?

Lucifer: Do you know, I’m really not sure… I… darling, could you do this? And say, “I am not a crook.” No, it’s definitely not Sexy Richard Nixon. I’m quite certain we’ve not slept together.

Suki: Well, I could have told you that.

Chloe: Care to explain the wall?

Suki: Oh… I’m just… really into Lucifer.

Lucifer: (chuckles) And who could blame you?

Suki: You’re my perfect man. Like porn, stuffed-crust pizza, and my Hello Kitty blankie all rolled into one. I’ve loved you from afar.

Lucifer: Right. I see what’s happened here. Not having sex with me drove her into a murderous, psychotic rage.

Suki: m*rder? What are you talking about?

Chloe: We’re investigating the deaths of Jana Lawrence and Raj Daniere. Have you heard of ’em?

Suki: (going over to the wall of photos) I have all of Lucifer’s lovers categorized. Uh, uh… here is the flight attendant section. Here’s Jana with Raj.

Chloe: So the two of them knew each other?

Suki: Raj is Jana’s GBFFN. Was her GBFFN. A g*y best friend for now.

Lucifer: Oh.

Suki: She sometimes crashed on his couch whenever she was in L.A.

Chloe: Hmm. And w-what are these numbers about here?

Suki: Date from two days ago. The last time Lucifer and Jana hooked up.

Lucifer: Right. Much as I admire your dedication to this creepy stalker business, I have to correct you: there was no hookup.

Suki: But I made a commemorative doll. You’re wearing your new suit.

Lucifer: Yes, what excellent detail on the French cuffs.

Suki: That’s what I was doing last night. Oh, you can ask the pizza delivery man. He helped me with these teeny tiny buttons. Ask him. (sniffs Lucifer’s arm)

Chloe: Who’s the third person in this photo?

Suki: Uh, that’s a pilot Jana works with. Those three hang out together all the time. Maybe he knows what happened.

Chloe: Yeah, yeah, I got it. Look, I’m gonna send an officer by to get a full statement from you. Do not leave town.

Suki: And abandon Lucifer? (Suki chuckles) Never.

(Lucifer hands the doll back to Suki, who takes it. Lucifer quickly leaves.)

Lucifer: Right, good-bye.

(door slams. Suki smells the doll and smiles.)

(Man in suit comes in with two small cups of coffee on a tray. The Goddess takes both cups and hands one to Amenadiel. As the man turns to leave, she pats his butt.)

Goddess: Italian beans. Mm-hmm.

Man: Oh…

Amenadiel: And you want me to try this because…?

Goddess: This “espresso” concoction is my favorite thing about humanity so far. Well, besides sex, but…

Amenadiel: (groans)

Goddess: You’re looking well these days. So confident, so cheery. (chuckles) I almost didn’t recognize you.

Amenadiel: Thanks to you, Mom. You found a way to get us home. But… manipulating Lucifer and Chloe toward each other for our own gain…

Goddess: Your Father is the one that started all of this. We are simply bringing it to an end. On our terms.

Amenadiel: I’ve tried to manipulate Lucifer before. It didn’t end well.

Goddess: That’s because you lied to him. Lucifer respects the truth. So use that to get us all home. And then, we can put all of this behind us.

Amenadiel: This is delicious.

Goddess: Mm-hmm. Still not as good as sex.

Amenadiel: Mom! Please.

Dan: Our pilot’s name is Tim Pickman. He’s got a record: drugs and as*ault. Used to work for a big airline, now he flies rich dudes on small jets. His recent routes are… The Caribbean, Mexico City, Ahmedabad.

Lucifer: Yes, all hotspots for drug smugglers. O-Or so I’m told.

Chloe: Working for a private airline would be the perfect cover. You have quick travel, lax customs agents…

Dan: And if Pickman was smuggling drugs, maybe Jana and Raj found out about it, threatened to squeal, so he shut ’em up permanently.

Lucifer: Yes, m*rder’s handy that way.

Chloe: Okay, where do we find him?

Dan: Let’s see. (typing) FAA reports he filed a last-minute flight plan. Flying Van Nuys to Caracas, takes off in less than an hour.

Chloe: Okay, we got to get to the airport. Fast.

Lucifer: Copy that.

(tires screeching. Lucifer is driving a black convertible on the runway, trying to catch up to a small jet. Chloe is in the passenger’s seat, holding on and screaming.)

Chloe: Lucifer! What are you thinking?!

Lucifer: Well, I’m pondering Stalker Girl. I mean, how is it the only person infatuated with me is someone who doesn’t even know me?

Chloe: No, the driving! You’re gonna get us k*lled!

Lucifer: No, I’m gonna catch our k*ller, Detective. Better hold on!

Lucifer: Hey. Better hold on.

Chloe: Lucifer!

(Chloe screaming as Lucifer gets in front of the plane, makes a hard U-turn and makes the jet stop in front of them.)

(tires screeching) (Plane stops and engines turn off.)

Lucifer: You’re welcome.

(Chloe gets out of the car, g*n drawn.)

Chloe: Captain Pickman, LAPD!

(Jet door opens and the captain comes outside on stairs.)

Pickman: Oh, thank God! You’re a cop. I was afraid you were trying to k*ll me.

Chloe: What?

Chloe: So, care to explain why you were trying to flee the country?

Pickman: My two closest friends just got m*rder*d. I thought I might be next, and I was not about to stick around to find out.

Chloe: Who would try to k*ll you, Tim?

Pickman: (sighs) I only know him as “Burt.” Guy smuggles a lot of drugs into the country.

Chloe: So, were you moving product for him?

Pickman: No, he uses young women like Jana to mule. He recruits ’em on the party circuit in Malibu, offers them cash, free travel, whatever they desire.

Lucifer: Right. And what is it you desire, Tim?

(Using his power of desire, Lucifer gets Pickman to talk.)

Pickman: I want to build a cat sanctuary.

Lucifer: Wait. Oh, for goodness sake.

Chloe: Cat?

Pickman: I got into trouble using drugs years back. My life fell apart. But then I adopted Twinkle…

Lucifer: Right, skip along, Tim, ’cause no one really wants to hear about your feline meet cute.

Pickman: (sighs) Jana tried to get me to smuggle for Burt, too, but I refused.

Chloe: Then why were you running?

Pickman: On Jana’s last flight, a package went missing.

Lucifer: A package?

Chloe: So, what, Burt thought Jana stole it?

Pickman: And when she didn’t have it, he went after Raj. And now, me.

Chloe: Is there any way to get a hold of this guy?

Pickman: I got a bull’s-eye painted on my back. Why the hell would I want to?

Chloe: Hmm.

Lucifer: Detective… in order to lure out our murderous kingpin from hiding, all we need to do is for someone to pretend to have this mysterious package.

Chloe: Yes, and it would need to be someone who might have worked with Jana. Hmm. Uh, Tim, who else was on the flight?

Pickman: Just me, Andy Kleinberg, my copilot, and a new flight attendant.

Chloe: A new flight attendant? So Burt may not have known what she looked like?

(Maze and Chloe sit at the dining room table.)

Maze: I’m in.

Chloe: Okay, but you understand what you’re agreeing to, right?

Maze: Sure. You want me to bounty hunt this Burt scumbag and pretend to deliver his package.

Chloe: But we’ll need you to work with us on this one. We’ll set up the meet and everything.

Maze: Do I still get to rough him up before the cops do?

Chloe: We’ll be close by, but technically, yeah.

Maze: More in. You want to know why?

Chloe: Because we’re running out of time and you’re our only option?

Maze: No. Because I’m awesome. Because I take risks for my friends and I don’t need your thanks.

Chloe: Am I supposed to be thanking you for something?

Maze: No. Because self-worth comes from within, b*tches. Now, if you’ll excuse me, (sighs) I need to sl*t this up.

(Lucifer comes out of his bedroom, buttoning his shirt, to find Amenadiel standing in the living room.)

Lucifer: Oh, brother. Hello. Just getting ready for a little sting operation.

Amenadiel: (scoffs) Right. I should’ve assumed you’d be busy. I can come back.

Lucifer: Well, no, no, that’s not a euphemism. I mean an actual police sting operation. But actually, whilst you’re here… Here. Do you think I’m boyfriend material?

Amenadiel: Luci, you’ve never exactly been the type to get emotionally attached. To anyone.

Lucifer: So I’ve come to realize, but… what does that say about me, brother?

Amenadiel: Is this about Chloe?

Lucifer: And why would you think that?

Amenadiel: Mom, she… told me what happened or what almost happened, apparently.

Lucifer: Did she now? So, I suppose you’re gonna tell me humans and the divine don’t mix.

Amenadiel: Luci, listen, I have underestimated you for all of my existence, both in your ability to frustrate me and your capacity for good. Even though you’ll never admit it, but… (Lucifer scoffs) When it comes to Chloe… perhaps you’ve been underestimating yourself.

Lucifer: Careful, brother. That sounds dangerously like a compliment.

Amenadiel: Ah, take it how you like. You never listen to my advice, anyway. Just one of your many charms.

Lucifer: Liar.

Amenadiel: But you’re not, Luci. So, if you really want to know if you’re a worthy romantic partner… ask yourself.

(Dan is sitting at the bar as Maze strolls in dressed as a s*xy flight attendant rolling luggage by its handle. She sits at the bar near him.)

Dan: Can you guys hear me?

Dan: (to Maze) Why are you sitting so close? The k*ller won’t show if this reeks of a setup.

Maze: Exactly. If we were strangers, you’d be hitting on me.

(She gasps as she loudly pats his leg) (chuckles)

Maze: Looks like we’ll be getting that celebratory drink after all. (to bartender) Two vodkas, please.

Dan: Peacock has landed.

Chloe: Okay. Any sign of Burt?

Dan: Not yet, but I’ll stick around until someone approaches.

Dan: (clears throat) What?

Maze: I think I just figured out what’s wrong with you.

Dan: Oh, yeah? And what would that be, Maze?

Maze: You need to own up to what you did. Yeah. Be proud of it.

Dan: Uh, Maze, we talked about this and besides… (mouthing silently for her to stop talking because they can be heard by Chloe in the van)

Maze: Self-worth comes from within, Dan.

Dan: No, I think I’m good. Thank you.

Maze: I don’t think you are. I think you’d feel a lot better if you just came clean.

Dan: Don’t.

Maze: If you won’t say it, I will.

Dan: Maze…

Maze: For your own good.

Dan: Don’t say another word.

Maze: Why? So what if you slept with Charlotte Richards?

Dan: (exhales)

Chloe: Dan slept with Charlotte?

Lucifer: Trust me, you’re not half as disgusted by that as I am.

Chloe: Is there anyone who hasn’t slept with that woman?

Lucifer: Uh… (Holding up his hand.)

Chloe: Which is hard to believe since you’ve slept with everyone else in L.A.

Lucifer: Well, everyone except you, Detective. I mean, not that I want to. I mean, of course I want to, but… right now all I’m concerned about is proving my worth to you. Unless of course, you’ve changed your mind about the sex.

Chloe: Okay, there will be no sex. As far as our so-called moment, I let my emotions get the best of me the other night, okay? I made a mistake. You and me, it’s not happening. You have to accept, Lucifer, that we are very different people with very different priorities. My priority right now is this case. Okay? So, just… step outside and get some air.

Lucifer: I don’t need air.

Chloe: Well, I do.

Lucifer: Right. Understood. (He leaves the van, which is parked near the hotel lounge.)

Chloe: (sighs)

Dan: A man just entered the bar.

Chloe: Got you.

Man: You are one of the prettiest flight attendants I’ve ever seen.

Maze: Oh.

Man: I’m Burt.

Maze: Hi, Burt. You ready for takeoff? (chuckles)

Dan: They’re on their way to the hotel room.

Maze: Are you ready for the package?

Man: Mm-hmm. I think that’s supposed to be my line.

Maze: (Throwing the man against the wall and then onto the bed.) I know you k*lled that flight attendant and her friend, dirtbag.

Jim: (grunts) No, no, no! My name’s Jim! Some guy gave me a C-note, told me to sit next to you and say I was Burt. (screams)

Chloe: If that’s not our k*ller, then where is he?

(Dan quickly leaves the bar and Chloe quickly leaves the van.)

(Lucifer is outside leaning against the building drinking from a flask. Suddenly, there is a g*n pointed at his head.)

Burt: I believe you have something that belongs to me.

Lucifer: (chuckles) Burt, I presume.

(Jim groaning as Maze holds him in a stress position on bed. Dan and Chloe burst in with g*ns drawn.)

Maze: Can I keep him?

Jim: Get her off me! She’s insane!

Dan: Well, you better start talking.

Chloe: Where’s the man that paid you?

Jim: I don’t know. He saw some tall guy with dark hair in a suit. He took off.

Chloe: That’s Lucifer.

Lucifer: Yeah. Recognized you from the beach party. Of course. Tommy Bahama. It’s good that you found me, ’cause I’ve been meaning to ask you something since then. Where’d you get the water slide? I’d love one for Lux. I’m not sure where I’d put it…

Burt: I want my package. Now. I should’ve known Jana left it with you after I saw her at Lux. That’s why she was only there a few minutes… to stash it.

Lucifer: No, the reason that she left so quickly was that she was unhappy that I didn’t have sex with her.

Burt: Yeah, I don’t believe you. No one says no to a girl like that.

Lucifer: I’m finding it hard to believe myself, trust me, but, uh, as for your package, Burt… I don’t have it.

Burt: Liar.

Lucifer: Oh, come now. Surely a little bit of cocaine isn’t worth all the senseless k*lling.

Burt: Cocaine? What’s in that package is far more valuable than drugs. Oh. It’s my a*s on the line, and that stupid b*tch Jana…

(Lucifer suddenly grabs the g*n from Burt’s hand, and the g*n crackles as Lucifer starts crushing it. Burt is surprised and fearful.)

Lucifer: You don’t speak of her that way. You promised Jana the world and everything she could ever desire. Money, drugs, a life of pleasure, but she deserved better than that… better than you… or me. I mean, what did either of us really give her? Empty pleasure?

Burt: Hey, man… we can work something out. (chuckles) I’ll find the package. I’ll get paid. We’ll…

Lucifer: We’re similar in a lot of ways, aren’t we, Burt? Except for one. You’re a bad man, and I’m not. I’m much… much worse than that.

(Lucifer flashes his Devil face. Burt shouts)

Chloe: Lucifer!

Lucifer: There’s your k*ller, detectives. Think you’ll find he feels quite remorseful about the life he’s led.

Burt: Please… okay, p-please, just-just arrest me, okay? Okay, get up. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Dan: Stand up.

Burt: I’m sorry.

(Officers take Burt away. Chloe and Dan are alone in the hangar talking.)

Dan: Hey. About what you heard in the van…

Chloe: Hey, it doesn’t matter… except something still bothers me. Burt went to a lot of trouble for a single drug deal.

Dan: Yeah, well… the guy had a reputation to protect. You know? One person steals from him; everyone else thinks they can, too.

Chloe: All right. But then, who has the package?

(A man clutching a small case to his chest staggers between the planes. Behind him, a figure in shadow approaches.)

Man: How… how did you find me? I’m sorry I took it. I was desperate. I’m broke. When the stewardess let it slip how much cash she was gonna make from this delivery, I… I thought it was drugs. I was gonna sell them. Then I opened it. One of them broke. I spilled a little on myself. Now… What the hell is happening to me?

(The man looks sick. The shadowy man grabs the man by the throat and strangles him. Grunts, choking. The man falls over dead. Shadowy man takes the package and walks away.)

(Lucifer stands alone on the shore, looking at the distant horizon. Chloe approaches.)

Chloe: Hey, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. I tracked your phone’s GPS.

Lucifer: Well… here I am. Well, we should wrap up the arrest report, and by that I mean paperwork, not some celebratory drink that you’ll then turn into a moment.

(chuckles) Yes, well…

Lucifer: I’ve changed my mind about that, actually. I realized it would never work out between us.

Chloe: Really?

Lucifer: Yes. So, from now on, no more attempts at moments. I’d be honored to, uh, simply continue working by your side… …if you’ll have me.

Chloe: Of course.

Lucifer: Good.

Chloe: Yeah. It’s not like you to give up, but…

Lucifer: Oh, no, I haven’t given up. I had a… an epiphany, of sorts. You deserve someone worthy of you, and that isn’t me.

Chloe: That’s not what I’ve been saying, Lucifer.

Lucifer: I know. It’s what I’m saying. You… deserve someone better because you, Detective, are selfless to a nauseating degree. You always put your daughter first, even though the ungrateful urchin does nothing to contribute to the rent.

Chloe: (laughs)

Lucifer: So… you deserve someone worthy of that grace. Someone who knows that every crime scene breaks your heart, even though you’d never admit it. Someone who actually appreciates your impossibly boring middle name. Jane. More importantly, Detective, you deserve someone as good as you… because… well, you’re special and I’m… I’m not worth it.

Chloe: Yeah, you’re probably right.

(Chloe leans in. They look at each other. Chloe kisses Lucifer.)

(Chloe pulls back and they look at each other.)

Lucifer: Detective…

(And again, they kiss.)