S3 Ep10: The Sin Bin

(A woman is running for her life. She calls on her phone as she runs.)

Operator: 911. What is your emergency?

(runner panting)

Maggie: Please, I need help! He’s gonna k*ll me! Please!

(Maggie reaches her car and fumbles with the keys. She turns. She screams.)

(Upbeat dance music plays. A crowd of people parties in the penthouse. Someone is trying to hit a piñata.)

Lucifer: (trills) Ah-ha! Nothing screams weekend like tequila and scantily-clad women. And tequila. Cheers.

(Lucifer taps Maze’s shot glass with his own then drinks.)

Maze: It’s Wednesday.

Lucifer: Mmm. Exactly. The party’s just begun.

Maze: Why are we celebrating again?

Lucifer: Well, isn’t it obvious? We apprehended the cad who arranged for my kidnapping, gave me wings, took away my devil face. Finally, Maze, answers will be mine.

Maze: Right.

(blindfolded woman trying to hit piñata grunts)

Lucifer: If you could say that with less sarcasm, I’d appreciate it.

Maze: No, no, I’m sure you’re right. I’m sure a human jail will stop a soldier of God.

Lucifer: That’s actually more sarcasm.

Maze: I’m just saying, devil face, wings… big deal. If he wanted to hit you where it really hurts, there are other things he could do to you, or take away.

Lucifer: Oh.

Maze: I’m talking about your life in L.A., Lucifer.

Lucifer: (laughs)

Maze: The club, your job. Chloe.

Lucifer: (angrily) I know what you’re talking about! But I won’t allow it. I can assure you, the only threat the Sinnerman poses from now on is that ridiculous name. Mmm. They’re bringing him in for questioning in the morning, so I’ll get what I need to break him then.

Maze: Good luck mojoing a blind guy.

Lucifer: (laughs) I don’t need eyes to find out the Sinnerman’s desire, ergo his weakness. There are other ways to learn what someone wants.

Maze: What ways?

Lucifer: Just… ways.

(Blindfolded woman laughs, whoops, and backs into Lucifer.)

Woman: Oh!

Lucifer: Hello.

Woman: It’s so hard.

Lucifer: Yes, always, but why don’t I help you with your stick first?

(Lucifer takes the stick from the woman and, with one whack, breaks the piñata. People gasp and scramble for a pile of condoms on the floor.)

Lucifer: Go on!

Man: Oh, condoms!

Woman: I’m gonna enjoy every condom!

Man: They’re the ribbed kind!

Marcus: T minus ten, people.

Officer: Yes, sir.

Marcus: The prisoner is in the house. Eye on the prize, no screw ups, and no one talks to him alone.

(Indistinct chatter. Ella is watching from the forensic lab.)

Ella: Man, I just love watching Pierce work. It’s like a master class in a*s-whoop with a minor in whatevs.

Chloe: Yeah. I’m just surprised at how well he’s holding up.

Ella: Well, it is his job.

Chloe: No. I mean, it’s just, there’s no way I could be that stoic if the Sinnerman had k*lled my brother.

Ella: Wait, what? I knew the case was personal, but his own flesh and blood? Holy bananas, he must totally need a hug.

Chloe: Ella, wait.

Ella: But Pierce needs our support right now.

Chloe: I didn’t know it wasn’t common knowledge. All right, this isn’t even my secret to share.

Ella: Right, of course, ’cause he’s so private and brooding and… hot. Not that that is at all relevant.

Chloe: Look, he’s on edge. Just don’t bring it up, okay?

Ella: Okay.

(Officers are leading the Sinnerman through the station. The Sinnerman has bandages covering his eyes, and he is shackled by the wrists and ankles.)

Officer: Right. Through this way. Come on. Keep going this way.

Sinnerman: (ironically) Nice to see you all again. What. Too soon?

Officer: Come on.

Sinnerman: Yeah, yeah. (Sinnerman laughs) (sighs)

(The Sinnerman is seated at the interrogation room table. Marcus and Chloe watch from behind the one-way mirror in the observation room.)

Marcus: He’s certainly oozing remorse.

Chloe: Pierce. We know he kidnapped Lucifer; we have physical evidence tying him to the hair salon, the kid with broken legs. I saw him with a g*n, standing over the guy he shot. Don’t worry. At this point, a confession’s just icing on the cake. It’s over.

Marcus: Is it?

(door opens. Lucifer enters.)

Lucifer: Ah, good. Just in time for the main event. Right. Why don’t you two make yourselves comfortable, and I’ll take first crack at Helen k*ller here. (laughs) What? I thought he deserved a new nickname now that he’s blind. I mean, you have to admit, the Sinnerman has become a tad old.

Marcus: Not happening. Last time you talked to him, he gouged his own eyes out.

Lucifer: Yes, a minor inconvenience, especially for him. I mean, can you imagine living in L.A. and not being able to enjoy the sunset?

Chloe: Yeah, there’s not much of a view from prison.

Marcus: That’s not the point. No one’s talking to him but me.

Lucifer: What? You can’t seriously be suggesting that you’re the impartial party here. I mean, he’s clearly your Moby d*ck, and we all know what happened to Captain Ahab. Felled by savage revenge, dragged to the bottom of the sea? Gosh, did they teach you nothing at cop school?

Marcus: I’ve read Moby d*ck six times.

Lucifer: Oh, really. What happened on page 83?

(While they were arguing, Chloe left the observation room and is now in the interrogation room with the Sinnerman.)

Chloe: So, what should I call you? Sinner, is it? Ah. Mr. Man?

Sinnerman: A census taker once tried to test me.

Chloe: Excuse me?

Sinnerman: I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. (laughs) Ah. No. I’m-I’m sorry. Always wanted to do that.

Lucifer: (to Marcus) I mean… (scoffs) Do love that film, though.

Chloe: Interesting time to make jokes when two people are dead. Mm. Whatever your name is, this insanity plea… it’s not gonna fly. You may be sick, but I know you’re not crazy.

Sinnerman: Nope. There’s a definite method to my non-madness.

Chloe: Care to elaborate?

Sinnerman: No. No, you’ll figure it out. Eventually.

Chloe: Doesn’t matter. We’ve got enough to put you away for a long, long time.

Sinnerman: Oh, speaking of, what time is it? I can’t see my watch.

(Ella comes in with an evidence bag with a phone in it that is ringing.)

Chloe: Ella.

Ella: The Sinnerman’s phone from evidence.

Sinnerman: I’d pick up if I were you.

(Phone ringing. Marcus and Lucifer enter. Phone stops ringing.)

Sinnerman: Oops. Too late. Or you better hope it’s not.

(Phone chimes. A video shows Maggie tied in rising waters.)

Maggie: No! Please! Please! Will you please help me?!

Marcus: What is that?

Sinnerman: Wild guess… a woman trapped in a reservoir that will fill with water, oh, pretty soon, I’d say.

(shouting indistinctly)

Chloe: Another victim? How is that possible?

Sinnerman: Always keep ’em guessing.

Marcus: Where is she?! Who else are you working with?

Sinnerman: Well, I could tell you, but what fun would that be?

Maggie: (on video feed) Please help!

Sinnerman: The only way she’ll survive is if I take you to her.

Lucifer: Right. Who’s up for a field trip?

(Ella is playing the 911 call of the woman who was running scared in the parking lot.)

Operator: 911. What is your emergency?

Woman: Please. Please, I need help! Please. He’s gonna k*ll me! Please!

Ella: This is her initial 911 call.

(woman screaming)

Marcus: The Sinnerman was in custody when this woman was abducted, which means he’s working with someone on the outside, an accomplice.

Chloe: Right. Find the accomplice, find the girl. Ella, what do we know about her?

Ella: Uh, yeah. Maggie Cole, 26, lives in Echo Park. Tech tried pinging her cell, but the battery’s gone dead.

Chloe: What about tracing the call from the Sinnerman’s phone?

Ella: Blocked and rerouted through a server in Delhi, so, like, zilch way to track her, which is…

Lucifer: Wonderful news! Means we can save the life of poor, doomed Maggie the far more expedient way.

Marcus: We are not letting the Sinnerman out of here.

Lucifer: He clearly desires freedom, which means he’s motivated and likely telling the truth. Following his lead will be much faster than running down clues, dodging red herrings, and following up on random tips from every Tom, d*ck, and Dullard.

(Dan enters the lab.)

Dan: Hey, guys. Uh, unis… they checked out the… parking lot at Maggie’s apartment. No sign of her or her car.

Lucifer: Ah. See? I’m telling you. Obi Wan Can’t-See-Me is Maggie’s only hope.

Marcus: This is an obvious escape plan. Find another way.

(Marcus leaves the lab.)

Lucifer: (sighs) Fine. Fine. If you insist on doing it the long way and investigate, we may as well hurry up and inevitably get back to my idea.

Chloe: Okay.

(As they go to open the door and leave the lab, Chloe sees Trixie sitting at Chloe’s desk.)

Chloe: What is Trixie doing coloring crime scene photos at a desk when we have a psychotic k*ller in custody?

Lucifer: Well, she’s done wonders with that mangled corpse, though. Very artistic.

Chloe: (to Dan) Didn’t you book Mrs. Baczynski?

Dan: Look, I meant to, Chloe, but I totally spaced on this random day off school. But don’t worry. I’m handling it, ’cause I’m Super Dad.

Ella: Chloe, come look at this.

(Ella has a photo of Maggie the victim’s ID on the computer monitor.)

Chloe: Wait. Zoom in.

(In the photo, Maggie is wearing lapel pins.)

Chloe: Got a pretty good idea where Maggie spends her time. Thanks. (to Lucifer) Come on.

(cheering, whistle blows. Two teams of women skate and fight for position.)

Male Announcer: And there they are on the first course… the bombastic Blazing Banshees! And their decidedly devious opponents, the Derby Divas! They’re all out there fighting, ladies and gentlemen.

(Chloe and Lucifer enter.)

Chloe: So, Derby Divas versus the Blazing Banshees. It’s Derby’s most notorious rivalry.

Lucifer: Oh, ladies to go. I’ll take two.

(Two women crash into the railing in front of them.)

Announcer: Whoa!

Chloe: Wow. Nice sausage.

Lucifer: What? So, those aren’t ladies?

Chloe: No. Sausage. It’s an offensive maneuver. When Trixie started roller-skating, I took her to the derby, and it was love at first sausage.

Lucifer: Ah. Right, well, as much as I’d love a bite, how about we get back to proving that your method of finding Maggie isn’t as good as mine?

Announcer: Score is now two to two.

Lucifer: (to a skater sitting on the bench) Hello there. We’re looking for some misleading information on a missing person… Maggie Cole.

Derby Skater 1: The Slayer is missing?

Chloe: When’s the last time you saw her?

Derby Skater 1: Uh, she ditched practice yesterday, and she hasn’t returned my calls since…

Chloe: Since what?

Derby Skater 1: Since she got into one doozy of a booby brawl with our blocker, Helena Handbasket.

Lucifer: Helena Handbasket. Very clever.

Derby Skater 1: Took both our pivots to break it up.

Lucifer: Oh, right. Let me guess. (points to a skater in the ring) Helena?

Announcer: And there’s Helena Handbasket.

Derby Skater 1: Y’all didn’t hear it from me.

Lucifer: Right.

(whoops) (indistinct shouting)

Chloe: (tries to get Helena’s attention as she skates by) Helena, can we…

Helena: Busy!

(announcer speaking indistinctly)

Chloe: …ask you a few…

Helena: No way!

Chloe: …questions?

Helena: Eat me!

Lucifer: Yes, please.

Chloe: LAPD! Stop skating now!

(Helena leaves the ring on the other side and tries to get away.)

(announcer continuing indistinctly)

(Chloe runs around the outside of the ring. Lucifer decides to go across the ring.)

Lucifer: Oh! Sorry! Sorry.

(Helena is trying to get away.)

Chloe: I don’t think so.

(Chloe changes directions)

Announcer: She’s gonna rack up some more points.

(grunts. Helena pulls the referee over the railing to block Lucifer from getting her.)

Referee: Whoa!

Lucifer: Has to be a foul.

(The Banshees and the Divas are fighting it out.)

Lucifer: One beer, please.

Chloe: Is this really the time?

Lucifer: Always.

(As Helena tries to get past them, Lucifer throws his beer on the floor in front of her and she falls into some display racks.)

Lucifer: Cheers. (chuckles) Well, get the cuffs out.

Announcer: Two more, two more points. The Banshees pull ahead.

(We now see a large neon sign that says: “The Sin Bin.”)

Lucifer: Well, I’ve no idea what the Sin Bin is, but I approve.

Chloe: It’s the penalty box.

Lucifer: Oh. Right.

(Helena is sitting in the Sin Bin.)

Chloe: Want to explain why you ran?

Helena: Because you were chasing me.

Lucifer: See? No harm, no foul.

Chloe: No, you ran because you realized we’re cops.

Helena: This is all Maggie’s fault. Typical, she ratted me out.

Lucifer: So, hold on, you’re saying you did abduct Maggie?

Helena: Abduct? What? No. I just roughed her up a bit.

Chloe: Roughed her up, why?

Helena: Because she stole my spot as lead jammer.

Lucifer: Ah.

Helena: You know, after Faith k*ll had that car accident? Maggie didn’t deserve that position. She can’t even snowplow.

Lucifer: (looking at Chloe who is thinking) Oh, wheels turning, old theory crumbling, and the only way to discard this witness…

Chloe: Where were you last night, Helena?

Lucifer: …a plausible alibi.

Helena: I was on fresh meat patrol.

Lucifer: Ooh, good for you, Helena.

Chloe: No, it means training a new crew.

Lucifer: Oh.

Helena: Shocker… they sucked. I was here all night. I didn’t abduct no one.

Chloe: What about Maggie’s car… did she park here at the rink?

Helena: Nah. Free lot over on 6th. Maggie isn’t just a job-hogging b*tch, she’s a cheap job-hogging b*tch.

Lucifer: (chuckles) Right. Well, come on, Detective, chop-chop. More dead-end clues aren’t gonna find themselves.

(Dan is on the phone as he and Trixie wait in line.)

Dan: Uh, hi, Mrs. Baczynski? Wow. Um… my-my deepest condolences. Well, sweetheart, you won’t be staying with Mrs. Baczynski today. Or ever again.

Charlotte: Great parenting, Dan. (chuckling) Good to know that I’m not the only questionable parent these days.

Dan: Uh, Charlotte. Hey. Hi. Yeah. Yeah, not my finest moment. (short chuckle)

Trixie: You’re pretty. How do you know Daddy?

Dan: She’s my, uh, work colleague. Sometimes, uh, friend. S-Sometimes… Um… how’s the new job at the, uh, the DA’s office?

Charlotte: Dull. What’s a girl got to do to get a nice, grisly m*rder or a few underage drug mules?

Trixie: I like you. You’re funny.

Charlotte: And you’re… short.

(Trixie chuckles) (Charlotte chuckles) (Dan clears his throat)

Barista: (to Trixie) Hey, what can I get you, sweetie?

Trixie: Mocha whip with a shot of “expresso.” Ye…

Dan: Wh… No. No, not gonna happen.

Trixie: Mommy lets me.

Charlotte: That statement would never hold up in court. Decent poker face, though.

(Trixie chuckles. Charlotte winks.)

Charlotte: Bye.

Dan: Bye.

Trixie: Daddy, I have an idea.

Chloe: If we can find Maggie’s car, it may lead us to the Sinnerman’s accomplice. Or be a shameful waste of the poor girl’s precious time.

Lucifer: What about wasting my time?

Chloe: What happened to being on the same page? You know, partners? Being a team?

Lucifer: Detective, I can assure you this is all about me making sure you and I remain a team. (scoffs) You know…

(Chloe stops him as they approach a hot pick car.)

Chloe: Maggie’s car. Plates match.

Lucifer: Right.

(Lucifer approaches the car.)

Chloe: Lucifer, we have to call forensics before we taint the evidence.

Lucifer: What, and waste more of poor Maggie’s precious time?

Chloe: Lucifer, no.

(Lucifer opens the driver’s door. We now see there is a hand grenade rigged to pull the pin when the door is opened. Chloe and Lucifer see the pin drop, look at each other, then run and jump to safety when the car explodes. ) (grunts) (car alarms wailing)

Lucifer: Oops.

(Chloe and Lucifer discuss the case.)

Chloe: Whoever rigged that grenade wanted that car to explode the instant someone touched it. No trace evidence means we still have no way of tracking Maggie. I can’t believe I’m suggesting this, but…

Lucifer: Okay, fine, perhaps I shouldn’t have touched the car.

Chloe: …we need to bust out the Sinnerman.

Lucifer: Uh… not what I was expecting, but… thank you, Detective, for finally seeing things my way.

Chloe: Well, you clearly feel strongly about this. For better or worse, you are my partner, so I need to have your back on this.

Lucifer: Just one question, though. How do you suggest we get him out of here?

Chloe: I actually have a plan. But in order for it to work, you need to do exactly what I say. No more going off grid, no more destroying trace evidence, no more Luciferness. Is that clear?

Lucifer: As a chilled vodka martini. Served neat, of course.

Chloe: First we need the keys to holding.

Lucifer: What, the same keys old stiff-as-a-board Pierce has locked away in his office?

Chloe: Guess we’ll need a distraction.

NOTE: The next few scenes are flash-forwards and back again to Lucifer and Chloe planning and then executing each stage in their plan to break out the Sinnerman

(Chloe sets up Ella as the distraction.)

Chloe: About that Pierce thing this morning…

Ella: (sighs) I cannot stop thinking about that poor man.

Chloe: Me, too. He’s really going through a lot. Maybe a little Ella is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Lucifer: Crafty maneuver, Detective. But do you really think Ms. Lopez will fall for such a blatant manipulation?

Chloe: Uh…

Ella: Oh, my God, I’m so in. But here’s the thing.

Chloe: I don’t want it to seem like I’m blabbing Pierce’s personal business all over the precinct.

Ella: Totes understood. All over it. I did not hear it from you. I’m going to let him… tell me.

(Marcus gets a coffee, but Ella is there blocking his path when he tries to leave.)

Marcus: Is everything all right, Lopez?

(Ella does everything she can to block and keep Marcus from leaving.)

Ella: We lost Buttons when I was nine. That was our pet Corgi. Buttons, I mean. Sorry for your loss. I mean, once I understood how Buttons got out, I was able to talk about it, and the healing process could really begin, you know? I’ll never, ever forget that day.

(Chloe searches for the key.)

Chloe: How hard can it be to find one tiny key?

Lucifer: Or for a tiny lab tech to trap a hardened six-foot-four lieutenant against his will?

Ella: For the longest time, I just wanted to find whoever was driving that evil, champagne-colored hatchback with the custom spoilers.

Marcus: Uh-huh.

Ella: But then I realized… it wasn’t about the hatchback. (sighs) It wasn’t. And…

(Marcus walks away but Ella chases after him.)

Chloe: (searching Marcus’ office) Where could they be?

Lucifer: Okay, assuming we do manage to swipe the keys to the holding cell, how do we get him out of here? I mean, our sightless scoundrel doesn’t exactly blend.

Chloe: (writing on a piece of paper) All you have to do is go up to that b*mb tech and hand her this.

Lucifer: Consider it handled.

Bomb Tech: Seriously? This is what you want?

Lucifer: The more important question is… what do you want in return?

(Back to planning)

Lucifer: Even if my charm does work on the b*mb tech, and who are we kidding, course it will, we still need someone to sell the big finish. Someone deserving of a very special gift.

(Dan finds a gift-wrapped present on his desk.)

Dan: Aw. What’s this? It’s too nicely wrapped to be another severed head. Seriously?

(The card reads “From The Sinnerman” and Dan hears ticking inside.)

Dan: Call the b*mb squad! Everyone evacuate now!

(Bomb squad techs in full body covering roll in a large blast-proof container and roll it out again into a waiting armored car.) (grunts) (sighs) (Inside the armored car, the techs take off their helmets and reveal it’s Chloe, Lucifer, and the Sinnerman.)

Lucifer: Eat your heart out, George Clooney. Not literally.

Sinnerman: Understood.

Chloe: I cannot believe that actually worked.

Marcus: Well, it almost worked. (Marcus is driving the armored car.) Did you really think I was gonna let you bust him out… without me?

(siren wailing. With Marcus driving, the armored car speeds away.)

(Trixie has picked up and is looking at a statue/award.)

Charlotte: Oh, put that down, please. That was given to me by the ambassador of Sweden. It’s very…

Trixie: Ugly?

Charlotte: Valuable.

Trixie: There’s nothing fun to do here. I can’t touch anything or jump on anything. And you don’t have any toys to play with. I thought you’d be more exciting.

Charlotte: Well, you could alphabetize these case files.

(sighs)

Trixie: You don’t have kids, do you?

Charlotte: Actually, I do. Two. They live with their father.

Trixie: That makes sense.

Charlotte: Um, well, it’s for the best since I’m so busy at work, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to it, if I’m ever gonna catch a case.

Trixie: And that makes no sense.

Charlotte: Well, if the department sees that I’m working hard…

Trixie: No, about your kids. My mom and dad work, and they still hang out with me, together and apart.

Charlotte: Good for them.

Trixie: Monopoly, roller derby, climbing the wall at the Y. You could do stuff with your kids, too.

Charlotte: Well, the truth is… they don’t want to see me.

Trixie: You’re the mom. You make the rules. Are you and my dad having s*x?

Charlotte: Uh…

(Chloe, Lucifer, and Marcus are led by the Sinnerman to where he says Maggie is.)

Sinnerman: It really is true, how the other senses kick in once one is removed.

Lucifer: I can remove a few others if you’d like.

Marcus: Shut up and walk. Both of you.

Sinnerman: A hundred more yards, then we have to turn east.

Lucifer: So, why did Mr. By the Book change his mind? Why are you helping us?

Marcus: Because you were right. It’s the best way to find the girl. The Sinnerman desires freedom. He wants to escape. I’m here to make sure he doesn’t.

Lucifer: Oh, so you really think this is a trap, that this accomplice is lying in wait?

Marcus: Why else would he lead us to the middle of nowhere?

Lucifer: Right. Ambush. Well, I guess we’ll just have to go nut to butt, have Charlie do the foxtrot, cover each other’s sixes and all that. You know? Hooah! Military terms. (Pulls up Marcus’s T-shirt sleeve to reveal his tattoo.) Weren’t you a serviceman?

Marcus: Yeah. We don’t talk like that.

Maggie: Maggie (in distance) I can’t breathe!

Chloe: I hear something.

(Marcus and Chloe run in the direction of the screams. Lucifer takes the Sinnerman by the arm and they follow.)

Maggie: (Maggie screaming) Help! Help! Aah! (burbling) I can’t breathe!

Chloe: Maggie, hang on!

Marcus: (pulls up the cement block Maggie is tied to. grunts)

Chloe: Come on. (takes a knife and cuts away the ropes holding Maggie down.)

(gasping, coughing)

Chloe: Come on.

Marcus: I got you.

Chloe: Come on.

Maggie: (coughing)

(They get Maggie to the edge of the water and sit her down.)

Chloe: You’re safe now, Maggie. You’re gonna be okay. Where’s Lucifer?

Marcus: Where’s the Sinnerman?

(Marcus and Chloe climb to the edge and can’t see Lucifer or the Sinnerman.)

Marcus: His accomplice was here. Damn it!

Chloe: (panting) They’ve got Lucifer, too.

(Chloe is calling Lucifer’s phone.)

Chloe: Come on. Pick up. Pick up.

(over phone) Hello. This is Lucifer. You know what to do… preferably in the nude.

Chloe: Damn it. (exhales)

Marcus: How could I be so stupid? I knew this was a setup.

Chloe: No. Breaking the Sinnerman out was my idea. This is my fault.

Marcus: It’s my watch. This is on me. We’re already canvassing. Let’s put in an APB for three men.

Chloe: We may not need an APB. We have Maggie.

(Maggie is wrapped in a blanket, sitting in the back of an ambulance.)

Maggie: I was leaving the rink, and he chased me. I made it to my car, but… he was too strong. He grabbed me, threw me in a van, and then I woke up here.

Chloe: Did you see his face?

Maggie: He was wearing a mask.

Chloe: Sounds like it happened fast. How would he have had enough time to rig the car with expl*sives?

Maggie: Um… he must have gone back and put the grenade in later.

Chloe: We didn’t mention… a grenade.

Maggie: Okay, I… Okay, I made it all up. I wasn’t attacked… I… I abducted myself.

Chloe: Why?

Maggie: All I wanted was to be my team’s lead jammer. But I could never compete with that spotlight-stealing b*tch, Faith k*ll. So… I went to this guy who grants people favors.

Marcus: We need a name.

Maggie: He just goes by the Sinnerman. I asked him to get rid of Faith, and the next thing I know, she’s in a car accident. I never wanted anyone to die.

Chloe: So he took out your competition, then demanded you repay him by faking your own kidnapping?

Maggie: And the 911 call… the expl*si*n. He was going to k*ll me, too, if I didn’t do it.

(Chloe and Marcus step away to talk.)

Chloe: There was never an accomplice.

Marcus: Then who kidnapped Lucifer?

Chloe: No one. He wanted to be alone with him, so he kidnapped the Sinnerman.

Sinnerman: (gasps)

Lucifer: Oh, good! You’re awake. Just in time for the fun to begin. But, uh… before we start, one tiny adjustment.

Lucifer: (sighs. Takes a Sharpie and draws eyes on the Sinnerman’s bandages.) There we go. (chuckles) Much less creepy.

Sinnerman: (grunting) Where… where am I?

Lucifer: Well, I thought we’d extend our little field trip. I save my Hills estate for… only very special occasions. My very own “sin bin,” if you will. Gosh, it’s poetic, isn’t it? The man who desired freedom fell into his very own trap.

Sinnerman: Is that what you want? To be my warden?

Lucifer: Oh, no. No, the only thing I desire is answers. So… it’s time to make a deal with the Devil. You give me what I want, and I might give you what you want.

Sinnerman: I’m not gonna tell you anything.

Lucifer: Oh, yes… You are. You had me kidnapped, dumped in the desert, somehow made my feathery burdens grow back, and then took away my devil face. Why? (wry chuckle) You will talk. And you will give me what I want… wings off, devil face back! Because no one decides who I am but me!

Sinnerman: Ooh… I’m sensing this is the part where the said devil face would kick in, right?

Lucifer: (infuriated, he yells and with one hand picks the Sinnerman up and holds him up against the wall.)

Sinnerman: (panting) Okay. Okay. I’ll tell you what you need to do. But it’s not gonna be easy. First… you have to draw a pentagram, sprinkle some powdered eye of newt, and then wait for a full moon. How’s your howl? (laughing) (breathy chuckle) (laughing) Freaking impossible to make it through that with a straight face.

(Lucifer lowers him down to floor level.)

Lucifer: Tragic error, my sinful thug.

Sinnerman: Oh. What are you gonna do? Punish a feeble, blind man?

Lucifer: Oh, no, no. I wouldn’t dream of it.

(Lucifer, like a ringmaster, raises his arm in the direction that Maze walks in, holding a double-sided curved blade.)

Lucifer: Oh, right, you can’t see. (chuckles) Allow me to paint you a picture. Meet Hell’s most brutal torturer.

Maze: The pleasure’s all mine.

Lucifer: Are we sure he’s not celestial?

Maze: Are you questioning my expertise? He’s definitely human.

Lucifer: And you tried waterboarding?

Maze: Twice.

Lucifer: Bamboo under the nails?

Maze: Do I look like an amateur?

Lucifer: Nickelback on repeat?

Maze: That’s where I started.

Lucifer: Well, what kind of demon can’t procure answers from one puny human?!

Maze: You want to give it a try? Be my guest.

Lucifer: Gladly. Hand it over.

Maze: No. I’ve pushed that guy to his limit. Anything else might k*ll him. You and I both know…

Lucifer: Angels aren’t allowed to k*ll humans, yes. (He has a thought…) Or are they?

Maze: Lucifer… don’t be an idiot.

Lucifer: No, no, no, no. This is the answer to all my problems, Maze. k*lling the Sinnerman is exactly what I need to do.

(Marcus, Ella, and Chloe enter the lab.)

Marcus: We need to find out where Lucifer took him.

Ella: Unis checked Lux and the penthouse, but no sign of Lucifer or the Sinnerman.

Chloe: (tries calling Lucifer on the phone) And, of course, his cell’s still off.

Marcus: Any hits on the van they took off in?

Ella: Nada. He must have had a car stashed and then ditched the van on the way.

(Dan enters carrying a stack of photos of real estate.)

Dan: This may help.

Chloe: What is this? High-end real estate?

Dan: It’s every place Lucifer owns in Southern California.

Marcus: Part of Espinoza’s Lucifer files.

Ella: Um, why do you have files on Lucifer?

Dan: Chloe and I were married. So what if I did some due diligence on my wife’s new partner? Call it… being protective.

Ella: Not the word I had in mind. (coughs) Stalker. But… whatevs.

Dan: Lucifer plants a b*mb at my desk, and I’m the creepy one?

Chloe: Um… actually… that was me. Sorry. The b*mb was fake.

Dan: Wow. Okay. Human heads. expl*sives. Can someone send me, I don’t know, a muffin basket next time? That’d be nice.

Marcus: There’s over a dozen properties here. Oh, and some are, like, an hour away. I guess we have to check each one?

Chloe: Maybe not. I think I know where they are.

(Chloe and Marcus rush off. Dan and Ella look at the property Chloe identified. It’s the hillside estate.)

Maze: I’m a demon. Big fan of death and destruction. But k*lling a human is Angel No-No’s 101. Look at your brother… total power loss, and he only got m*rder adjacent.

Lucifer: Precisely my point. If I k*ll a human, then I lose my wings! And, because I’ve been such a naughty angel, I get my devil face back, and… bonus!… I rid humanity of our sightless psychopath. Three birds, one Sinnerman.

Maze: Mm-hmm. In theory, except your Father is going to be pissed. You k*ll a human, one that He sent to do His bidding…

Lucifer: Exactly! (huffing breath) Look, you said it yourself, Maze. If I don’t stop this now, who knows what else he’ll do, or… (shuddering) …who he might take from me?

Maze: Okay (exhales. She hands her knife over to Lucifer.) (departing footsteps)

Lucifer: Wait! Where are you going?

Maze: Happy hour at the Chateau. Text me when you’ve done the deed.

Lucifer: What…

Maze: (chuckles) Actually… I’ll be able to tell by the plague of locusts.

Lucifer: (exhales)

(Marcus and Chloe are walking up the stairs to leave the building.)

Marcus: You’re sure that they’re in the Hills?

Chloe: I mean, pretty sure. He said, “Imagine living in L.A. and not being able to enjoy the sunset.” I mean, just like Lucifer to bring a blind man to the place with the best view.

(They enter the elevator.)

Marcus: And you know him that well?

Chloe: (sighs) Thought I did. Just… hope we can get there before he does something he can’t take back.

(The Sinnerman is tied to a chair next to a cart stacked with many types of t*rture implements.)

Lucifer: That is an embarrassment of riches, really. So many delicious ways to k*ll a human. Let me see. Starving rats. No. Too time-consuming. g*nsh*t? Banal. Oh, I know… oldie but a goody. (grunts) Beheading.

Sinnerman: (seething breaths) (low grunt)

Lucifer: (exhales) Honestly! Can you at least try to look threatening? (grunts, pants. Takes out the Sharpie and draws more sinister eyes on the bandages.) All right.

Sinnerman: (groans) (mumbles) (panting)

Lucifer: Well, slight improvement. And I can’t k*ll you sitting down. You need to stand up and face me like a man. (grunts)

(The Sinnerman stands up with difficulty and staggers in a direction other than where Lucifer is.)

Lucifer: Well, come on!

Sinnerman: (groans) (grunting)

Lucifer: I’m to your left.

Sinnerman: (grunting)

Lucifer: Your other left… I’m right here! Hello?! Marco! I… (sighs) Well, there’s no glory in wrestling a starving bear. Perhaps a last meal of some kind to perk you up. Hello. Caviar.

Sinnerman: You’re going to… feed me?

Lucifer: Well, just because I’m about to slaughter a man in cold blood doesn’t mean I’m not civilized.

Sinnerman: No. Just means you’re stalling.

Lucifer: (laughing) Don’t be preposterous. I’ve waited a long time for revenge. I’m simply savoring the moment. I want you to feel your failure. The knowledge that, long after you’re gone, I shall continue to live here however and with whomever I choose.

Sinnerman: Or… you don’t have what it takes to k*ll a man. Not many people do. Perhaps you’re a coward. (chuckles)

(Outside the estate, Chloe and Marcus arrive. Tires screeching.)

Chloe: He’s here.

(They exit the car and run towards the front door, g*ns drawn.)

Lucifer: Evil, smug, homely. Bingo! You win the grand prize at the Painful Death Raffle. So, unless you want a bonus round for being a loudmouth, I suggest that…

Sinnerman: Me? You’re the one doing all the talking.

(Marcus and Chloe are inside, making their way to the back of the house.)

Lucifer: Actually, you know what, I’ll boil you alive. (knife clatters) Yeah. Top most painful way to die, according to BuzzFeed. Right. I’ll need a pot. A big one.

Sinnerman: How about drown me with a flood? Or strike me with lightning? What cheesy metaphor would you prefer? Apple, tree?

(Lucifer, enraged, grabs Maze’s knife, grabs the Sinnerman, stands behind him and puts the knife to his throat.)

Sinnerman: A chip off the old block? Like Father, like Son?

Lucifer: Enough!

Sinnerman: (grunts) Pull the string, puppet master.

Chloe: (sighs) Damn it. Where are they?

Marcus: Take the upstairs.

Lucifer: You’re right. (scoffs) I don’t have it in me to k*ll a human.

(Lucifer lets the Sinnerman go.)

Sinnerman: Uh, no. No, wait. You have to do it.

Lucifer: Hold on. I wondered why you, the evil genius, hadn’t sprung a more clever trap.

Sinnerman: It has to be you.

Lucifer: Because I was the trap. You never wanted freedom. Your true desire was to die. And for some reason, you need me to do it.

Sinnerman: Yes. Yes. You supposedly believe in free will. Then honor mine.

Lucifer: Why do you need me to do it? Free will. Why?! Why?!

(G*n shots ring out. The Sinnerman grunts and falls. Marcus has k*lled the Sinnerman.)

Lucifer: (gasps) No. No! (panting) No.

Chloe: (checks for a pulse) He’s gone.

(The police and EMTs have arrived. The Sinnerman’s body is being wheeled out in a body bag.) (siren whooping) (indistinct chatter) (Chloe and Marcus are leaving the building.)

Chloe: Pierce, I’m sorry. I know you didn’t want it to end this way.

Marcus: It’s the only way it could end.

Officer: (to Chloe) You have clearance… (Chloe and the officer go back inside, leaving Marcus standing and watching the Sinnerman being taken away.)

(Lucifer is somberly standing and looking out over the panoramic view of Los Angeles. Chloe walks up and stands next to him.)

Chloe: You wanted to see me?

Lucifer: Yes. Something very strange just happened here.

Chloe: Um, a “thank you for saving my life” might be appropriate.

Lucifer: I actually wasn’t the one in danger.

Chloe: I figured out that you’re the one who grabbed the Sinnerman. Clearly, things went south.

Lucifer: No. Let me explain what happened.

Chloe: What happened was you didn’t follow my lead. And, as usual, you did whatever the hell you wanted.

Lucifer: Detective, I understand that my interest in getting our blind barbarian alone may have been a tad selfish, but it turns out I was the pawn.

Chloe: I don’t have time for this.

(Frustrated, she goes to walk back inside then stops when Lucifer keeps talking.)

Lucifer: It was the Sinnerman’s plan to be snatched by me all along. He wanted to die.

Chloe: Pierce smoothed things over, if that’s what you’re worried about. The official statement says that you were grabbed in an escape attempt.

Lucifer: You think I care what Pierce thinks?

Chloe: No. I don’t think you care what anyone thinks.

Lucifer: That’s not true. I told you, I did this for us.

Chloe: For us? For the team? I had your back on this, Lucifer, and, for whatever reason, you still felt the need to go behind mine.

(Chloe turns and leaves Lucifer standing and watching her go.)

(giggles) (Trixie and Charlotte both have their hair done in buns on the sides of their heads.)

Trixie: Daddy!

Dan: Hey. So, the afternoon went well? (chuckles) Hey, uh, as a thank-you for watching Trixie, maybe we can go grab that coffee sometime?

Charlotte: Uh, we got coffee this morning.

Dan: Yeah.

Charlotte: I’m kidding, Dan. (chuckles)

Dan: (exhales, chuckles)

Trixie: (speaking quietly to Charlotte) Dinner would be more romantic.

(Charlotte and Dan exchange looks, shrug, and both smile.)

Charlotte: Dinner it is.

Dan: It’s okay by me.

(chuckles)

Trixie: Bye.

Charlotte: Bye.

Dan: (quietly to Trixie as they leave) You are the best wingman ever.

(Charlotte is happy. Then she becomes serious. She goes to the desk and dials her phone.)

Charlotte: Yes, it’s me again. I don’t care what they or you say. I want to see my kids. I’m their mother.

(Lucifer is looking over bags full of evidence.)

Ella: What are you looking for?

Lucifer: (sighs) Answers. I mean, there has to be something in Sinnerman’s personal belongings.

(Ella sees Marcus walking by)

Ella: I’ll be right back.

Lucifer: (distracted, sighs)

(Ella excitedly leaves the lab and races up to Marcus, singing his praises.)

Ella: I just want to say, oh, my God, you k*lled it. I mean, k*lled him. I mean, I obvi wasn’t there-there, but I just read the crime scene report, and… holy burrito bowl… with your “take down the bad dude” heroics and…

Marcus: (Furious, he turns around and yells directly at her.) Lopez, just stop talking!

(Marcus walks away, leaving Ella standing there, stunned and embarrassed. Lucifer has witnessed this exchange from the lab.)

Lucifer: What on earth?

(This gets Lucifer thinking. He looks back down at the bags of evidence to a photo of the Sinnerman as a boy, with a man’s arm wrapped around him, but we can’t see the man’s face. Lucifer then looks up in the direction Marcus walked.)

(Lucifer is having a drink at his bar when Marcus enters the penthouse.)

Marcus: Well, I’m here. This couldn’t have waited till morning?

Lucifer: Time-sensitive, I’m afraid. Or, in a way, the opposite.

Marcus: Just tell me what you want.

Lucifer: Right. Well… we’re both familiar with the accomplice theory… that our blind barbarian had someone working for him.

Marcus: Yeah.

Lucifer: Right, well, then it occurred to me that, what if the Sinnerman was the one working for someone else? What if he was the accomplice? Exhibit A. Here is Mr. Sinnerman as a child. With a man that he seems very close to. Interesting birthmark. It’s a very similar shape to your military tattoo, actually, wouldn’t you agree?

Marcus: So?

Lucifer: Well, so it stands to reason that this man would be very, very old by now. Or, if he isn’t, he’d have to be… (chuckling) …you know, immortal.

Marcus: An immortal crime boss. Just like you’re the Devil.

Lucifer: (short chuckle) Yes, I know, it does sound absurd, doesn’t it? So, as such, there’s really only one way to prove my theory. (Lucifer reaches over the bar with one hand searching for something.) Where did I… Ah, there it is.

(Lucifer has a large knife in his hand which he quickly plunges into Marcus’s chest.)

(Grunting, Marcus staggers and collapses on the floor and dies.)

(Lucifer sniffs, sighs, casually goes back to the bar and pours a drink. He waits. Looks at Marcus lying on the floor with the knife sticking out of his chest. He looks a little nervous. Then turns back, drinks, and waits some more.) (softly clears throat)

(Suddenly, Marcus revives, screaming. He stands up, grabs the knife, and in obvious pain, pulls it out of his chest.) (grunting) (Lucifer looks slightly relieved and waits for Marcus to finish.)

Lucifer: I wonder why I didn’t figure it out sooner. “The world’s first m*rder*r, marked by God and doomed to walk the earth alone for a tortured eternity.” It’s quite the moniker. Yet, still, nowhere near as ridiculous as the Sinnerman. (grunts) Wouldn’t you agree… Cain?

(panting) (sighs) (Cain sits down and drops the knife on the bar.)

Cain: You may as well pour me one, too.