S3 Ep11: City of Angels

IN THE BEGINNING…

THE ANGEL LUCIFER WAS CAST OUT OF HEAVEN AND CONDEMNED TO RULE HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY.

UNTIL HE DECIDED TO TAKE A VACATION…

DAY ONE

LOS ANGELES 2011 A.D.

Lucifer: What, have I mussed my suit again? It’s impossible to keep clean, this thing.

Homeless Man: You have wings.

Lucifer: Ah. Right, yes, forgot. Bit of a conversation-stopper for you humans, isn’t it? (Sighs) There we go. That better?

Homeless Man: Ah.

Lucifer: (Chuckles) You take care.

(Woman jogs by and stops to talk.)

Lucifer: All right.

Woman: Nice suit.

Lucifer: Oh, well, thank you very much.

Woman: My grandpa had one just like it.

Lucifer: Grandfather? But… Mm-hmm. This was the height of fashion last time I visited.

Woman: Hmm. You here for business or pleasure?

Lucifer: Oh, pleasure. Always pleasure.

Woman: Oh, then you came to the right place.

(Lucifer is partying with many women.)

(Women laughing)

All: (chanting) Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!

Lucifer: (Chuckles) Mm!

(Amenadiel arrives and stops time).

Lucifer: (Groans) How can someone who can literally control time have such atrocious timing?

Amenadiel: Toying with humans again, I see. Oh, these poor creatures. They know not what they do.

Lucifer: I beg to differ. Everyone here is well aware that they’re doing me.

Amenadiel: Enough foolishness. It’s time for me to take you back to Hell. As always.

Lucifer: Correction… allow you to take me back, as always.

Amenadiel: Please. Everyone knows I’m the strongest of God’s children.

Lucifer: Uh, not everybody. I mean, you’ve never fought me, have you, huh? Care to give it a try?

Amenadiel: You know damn well that celestial beings aren’t allowed to interact here on Earth. Now, let’s go. (Sighs) It’s dangerous for humanity to be exposed to divinity.

Lucifer: Well, I wouldn’t sit on that couch… Left a lot of divinity there.

Amenadiel: Enough! Now, you can either deal with me, or you can deal with Father. Yeah. That’s what I thought.

Lucifer: Very well. Well, at least allow me to say my good-byes. I mean, that’s just manners, isn’t it? Not that you’d know.

Amenadiel: Ten minutes.

Lucifer: (Whispers) Right.

(Amenadiel leaves. Lucifer tries to get as much partying in as possible before he has to leave.)

(A man jogs by and sees Amenadiel.)

Man: Nice dress.

Amenadiel: It’s a robe.

Man: You wear it well.

(The man runs off, out of sight.)

Amenadiel: Humans.

(Three g*nshots sound. A masked man holding a g*n runs from the same direction the jogger just ran and stops in front of Amenadiel.)

Masked Man: What are you looking at?

Amenadiel: Nothing. I’m just…

(The masked man raises the g*n and shoots Amenadiel three times. Amenadiel falls backwards and lays motionless on the ground. The mask man checks Amenadiel’s pockets and then rips his necklace off his neck and runs off. Suddenly, Amenadiel revives.)

Amenadiel: (Gasps) (Panting) My necklace.

Lucifer: And this little demon went, “Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee,” all into the valley of sin. (Laughs)

Amenadiel: There’s been a change of plans, Luci.

Lucifer: Oh, G… Oh. Not what I expected, but, uh, all right, fine, have fun. Just go in the other room. Or not. Sorry, are you going somewhere?

Amenadiel: Uh… listen, I have an errand to run.

Lucifer: Why are there holes in your dress?

Amenadiel: It’s a robe.

Lucifer: Oh, I apologize. Why are there holes in your dress?

Amenadiel: Look, I don’t trust you to see yourself back to Hell, okay? So I want you to stay here for a few hours, and then we’ll go.

Lucifer: Oh. More time in L.A. Lucky me. (Chuckles)

(Amenadiel walk in wearing mismatched clothes and rhinestone sunglasses. Chloe is working the desk.)

Amenadiel: You see, I respect the rule of human law, which is why I’m seeking your assistance in a matter of utmost importance. A robbery has occurred.

Chloe: Okay. What was stolen?

Amenadiel: My necklace.

Chloe: The estimated value?

Amenadiel: It’s hard to say, really, uh… It’s not of this world, so there’s that. Priceless beyond measure.

Chloe: I’ll just put down $40. Where did the incident occur?

Amenadiel: In an alleyway south of “Cahunana” and Franklin.

Chloe: Cahuenga?

Amenadiel: “Cahunana” and Franklin. Now, this thief was armed, and, oh, yes, uh, I made a rendering. And I do believe that this should help you with your quest.

Chloe: Okay. So a jack-o’-lantern stole your necklace?

Amenadiel: So you know this man? Where can I find this Mr. O’Lantern?

Chloe: Did Paolucci put you up to this? You know it’s a crime to file a false report, right?

Amenadiel: You think I would lie?

Chloe: What? (Phone ringing) Sorry, excuse me. Just two seconds.

(Dan is calling Chloe.)

Chloe: Hey, honey, what’s up?

Dan: I’m not gonna make date night.

Chloe: Oh, that’s all right. My mom just called, and she has to sh**t tonight, so she can’t watch Trixie anyhow.

Dan: Well, I’m gonna be home pretty late. You want me to pick up some dinner?

Chloe: No, that’s okay. There’s stuff for tacos in the fridge, and we’ll make it a thing. We’ll call it “Taco Tuesday.” Trixie will love it.

Dan: Cool.

Chloe: So, what are you doing?

Dan: I caught a body on Franklin and Cahuenga.

Chloe: Really? That’s so weird, a guy just came in, reporting a mugging near there. I wonder if it has anything to do… with your homicide.

(Amenadiel enters and sits on the edge of the bed where Lucifer is sleeping.)

Amenadiel: Lucifer.

Lucifer: (Groans) If only angels came with a snooze button. What? What is it, Brother?

Amenadiel: (embarrassed) A human shot me and stole my necklace.

Lucifer: Well, so much for not exposing humanity to our divinity.

Amenadiel: Which is why I need to get it back, all right?

Lucifer: Oh.

Amenadiel: Now, I tried to utilize human law enforcement, but it failed, so… (Sighs) I need your help, Luci.

Lucifer: (Chuckles. He is enjoying this.) Oh, do you now?

Amenadiel: Well, you’ve always been crafty… smart…

Lucifer: Craftier, smarter than you. Yes, and more handsome. Go on.

Amenadiel: And because you’ve spent more time with humanity, you may understand them better than I do.

Lucifer: Well, most of that time, I was naked, but true nonetheless.

Amenadiel: Luci, are you gonna help me or not?

Lucifer: Hmm. Okay. But you have to follow me.

(Siren whooping) (Indistinct police radio chatter) (Chloe is checking out the area where Amenadiel’s necklace was stolen not far from the m*rder scene. She finds a metal tag on the ground. Puts it in an evidence bag and proceeds to the scene of the m*rder to talk to Dan.)

Chloe: Detective Espinoza.

Dan: (to officer) Excuse me. (He walks over to Chloe who is staying outside the yellow tape.) Officer Decker.

Chloe: Hi.

Dan: Hi.

Chloe: How’s it going?

(Dan kisses her. She is enjoying it but wants to be professional and stops him.)

Chloe: Dan, not at work, remember?

Dan: Sorry.

Chloe: Hey, remember the, uh, robbery I told you about, happened around the corner?

Dan: Yeah.

Chloe: Um, so I searched the area, and I found this. It looks like a key fob. I don’t know to what, but it looks like there’s blood on it, and… do you think this could be connected to your homicide?

Dan: Could be, but even if it is, all signs point to a random attacker. A serial mugger on a spree.

Chloe: Hmm.

Dan: Looks like my guy resisted and ended up dead.

Chloe: That’s the guy that got mugged?

(She ducks under the tape to get a closer view of the body.)

Dan: Yeah.

Chloe: He’s built like a tank.

Dan: Yeah.

Chloe: And so is the guy that reported the robbery. They’re the last two guys that I’d try to mug.

Dan: Yeah, well, a g*n can be a pretty great equalizer.

Chloe: I don’t think this was random, Dan.

Dan: Okay, I’ll look into it, but… only when I’m done, it’s gonna be a while.

Chloe: Okay, why don’t I get a jump on it?

Dan: No.

Chloe: Dan, you said to make detective, I have to show initiative, right?

Dan: Right. Right. Mm-hmm. Let me know what you hear, Officer Decker.

(Piano playing jazz music.) (Lucifer and Amenadiel enter.)

Lucifer: Oh, lovely. (Chuckles) Amazing. Does no one work in this town?

Amenadiel: Is this where thieves come to spend their spoils on wine and women?

Lucifer: Something like that, yeah. Oh. Brother, listen to that. Oh. I haven’t heard music like that since… well, since the Silver City.

Amenadiel: What, there’s no music in Hell?

Lucifer: Only for t*rture, and usually out of tune. Lately, we’ve been playing music by this chap named Bieber. Gosh, you should hear the screams. Why don’t you go and, um, grab us a couple of drinks, and I’ll do some reconnaissance. (He smiles mischievously.)

(Amenadiel heads towards the bar, Lucifer approaches the piano player.)

Lucifer: (pulls out some money) Do you take requests?

Piano Player: What do you want to hear?

Lucifer: Uh, myself. Thank you.

(Lucifer motions the piano player to leave, then sighs and sits down at the keyboard. He starts to play David Bowie’s “Changes”. Amenadiel hears this and is annoyed.)

Amenadiel: You didn’t come here to find this thief, did you? You’re just trying to stall your return to Hell.

Lucifer: Oh, I really hoped to get a few more drinks in before you worked that one out.

Amenadiel: Luci, this isn’t some game. Now, how many times do I have to tell you? Humanity should not be exposed to…

Lucifer: It’s just a necklace, for crying out loud.

Amenadiel: You promised me that you would help.

Lucifer: And I am by distracting you from the painful reality that you’re never going to find it.

(Lucifer resumes playing “Changes.” Amenadiel turns in frustration and sees a news report on the nearby TV about the man who was m*urdered.)

TV reporter: found earlier today near Cahuenga and Franklin. The police have identified the m*rder victim as MMA fighter Aiden Scott. Scott’s body was found this morning, the victim of an apparent sh**ting. His family has been notified. Born in Lancaster, California, Aiden Scott moved to Los Angeles…

Amenadiel: Luci, look.

(Annoyed but seemingly expecting something like this, Lucifer grabs his drink from the top of the bar, stands up, and motions to the piano player that he can go back to playing before going to join Amenadiel near the TV.)

Lucifer: What?

Amenadiel: I know this man. Uh, the runner, right before the theft.

Lucifer: What, you think he had something to do with it?

Amenadiel: Exactly, Brother. Whoever k*lled this Aiden Scott must also be the same thief who tried to k*ll me, and then took my necklace.

TV reporter: The LAPD currently have no leads.

Amenadiel: How are we gonna find him if his own kind can’t even locate him?

Lucifer: Which is why I recommend drinking.

(Lucifer continues to watch news report with increased attention and delight.)

TV reporter: Coming up, we will learn more about the life of Aiden Scott and who he left behind. We’ll talk to some of…

Lucifer: Actually, do you know, I think I might be able to help you, Brother, but I’m gonna need more than a few extra hours here on Earth.

Amenadiel: Name your price.

Lucifer: Ooh, well, I can’t actually think of anything right now, so how about a blank check, cashed at a time of my choosing?

Amenadiel: (He is hesitant to accept this wager.) Agreed.

Lucifer: Well, say it properly. Say it.

Amenadiel: Deal.

Lucifer: Deal. Right, come on.

(Amenadiel and Lucifer at looking at cars.)

Amenadiel: (pointing to a car) Okay, how about that one?

Lucifer: Too douchey. (Points to another car.) Too hick. (Then sees one he likes.) Ah. Hello. (It’s the car we know as Lucifer’s car; a black 1962 Chevrolet Corvette C1 convertible.)

Amenadiel: Don’t you need some sort of key to start it?

(Lucifer looks at the car. The engine starts, revs, without anyone inside.)

Lucifer: You know me, Brother. I can turn anything on.

(Engine revs. Lucifer puts it in gear and the car jumps backwards, slamming into something and breaking it. The car comes to a stop.)

Lucifer: Oopsie. Obviously, “R” is for reverse, not “really fast.” (Chuckles)

(Lucifer puts it in drive. Tires screech. Lucifer shouts. They take off, fast. The rear license plate flies off and metal clanks on ground.)

(Amenadiel and Lucifer enter to find scantly clad women walking around in underwear and robes.)

Amenadiel: (Sighs)

Lucifer: (Sees the beautiful women.) Hello.

Amenadiel: What’s going on here?

Lucifer: Uh, well, Brother, when a man and a woman really care about each other, they do a special cuddle for the cameras, which they sell for money.

Amenadiel: Luci, I know what porn is.

Lucifer: Oh, do you now?

Amenadiel: Focus.

Lucifer: (Chuckles)

(They are walking through a film set with cameras and crew milling around.)

Amenadiel: What I don’t get is how this helps us track down this thief, why are we here?

Lucifer: Well, two reasons, actually. Uh, boobs.

Amenadiel: Why am I not surprised?

Lucifer: (Chuckles) No, remember that news report thingy? Well, there was a picture of our dead man standing next to a very distinctive décolletage.

Amenadiel: You identified a human by her boobs?

Lucifer: Not any boobs, Brother. These ones are very special. That mole, those curves, they could only belong to the one and only Misty Canyons.

Amenadiel: And exactly how does this help me find my necklace?

Lucifer: Well, if we want to find Aiden’s k*ller, what better way to get information than from his lover? Trust me, a church confessional has nothing compared to pillow talk.

(Lucifer turns and sees a woman wearing a red negligee. )

Lucifer: Oh, my gosh, that’s her, in the flesh. That’s Misty Canyons.

(He turns and sees another woman.)

Lucifer: Oh, my gosh! That’s Pen1s Demilo. Ha! What is this, nirvana? Do all p*rn stars reside in L.A.? Right, how do I look?

Amenadiel: Oh, come on, Luci. There must be hundreds of p0rn stars in Hell.

Lucifer: Sadly, no, on account of all the good work they do here on Earth, I assume. Right, maybe she’ll sign my chest, or something else. (Chuckles)

(Lucifer happily walks into the other room, checking out women as he goes. A production assistant steps in front of Amenadiel, blocking him from following Lucifer.)

P.A.: Sorry, it’s a closed set.

Amenadiel: I’m here to talk to Misty Canyons about pillow talk.

P.A.: Why didn’t you say so?

(The P.A. grabs Amenadiel by the arm and pulls him in another direction.)

(Lucifer introduces himself to Misty.)

Lucifer: Ms. Canyons.

Misty: Hi.

Lucifer: Lucifer Morningstar. (Chuckles) Can I just say that I am a huge, huge fan of yours?

Misty: Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much.

Lucifer: L.A. Whorey. What a classic.

Misty: Aw. I really put my all into that one.

Lucifer: Yes, you did, didn’t you? And it showed. One might say that you were born for it.

Misty: Oh. Well, my dream is to sing, but until then, p0rn pays way better than waitressing.

Lucifer: Ah.

Misty: Plus, I kind of like it.

Lucifer: Goodness me, your parents must be so proud.

Misty: I wish. Well, they told me to do what I love, and turns out I love s*x.

Lucifer: Oh, so you’re a rebel.

Misty: (Giggles) I guess so.

Lucifer: (Chuckles)

Misty: And if you really want to rebel, move to L.A., right? All I know is that I have never been happier, freer.

(This makes Lucifer pause and think a moment.)

(The P.A. arrives.)

P.A.: Uh, we’re ready for you on set, Misty.

Misty: Okay.

(She starts to follow the P.A.)

Lucifer: Well, if you ever do decide to do something worthy of damnation, I’d love to see you again.

(They exchange smiles. She walks away.)

(The P.A. is getting Amenadiel dressed thinking he is an actor.)

Amenadiel: Where’s the rest of it?

P.A.: Ooh, I almost forgot. (He hands Amenadiel a window washers squeegee. )

(Amenadiel, not understanding what is happening, is standing with a spray bottle and squeegee. Misty begins to act the scene.)

Misty: You must be the window washer. Well, good thing, because I was feeling dirty.

Amenadiel: I am here to discuss a lost necklace.

Misty: So, you’re a window-washer jeweler?

Amenadiel: No.

(Lucifer now arrives and is happily intrigued by what he sees.)

Lucifer: Well, this took a turn, didn’t it?

Misty: Well, I haven’t seen your necklace. Was it made of pearls, by chance?

Amenadiel: It’s actually a rod. Unbreakable, very special.

Misty: Time to see the family jewels.

(She starts to get down on her knees in front of him. He stops her.)

Amenadiel: What? No, no, no! Y-You’re not gonna find my necklace down there. The man who k*lled Aiden Scott has it.

Misty: (shocked) What? Aiden’s dead?

(Misty and Amenadiel are talking.)

Misty: Aiden was such a good guy. He accepted everyone, you know? I can’t think of anyone who’d want to hurt him. Even the people he fought respected him. He lost a lot. But he never quit. Aiden actually thought he could win the fight he had coming up, though, which is why he was so pissed when someone asked him to throw it.

Amenadiel: Someone asked him to throw that fight, but he refused?

Misty: For a ton of money, yeah. But he didn’t care, he just wanted to win, fair and square.

Amenadiel: Whoever tried to bribe Aiden to throw that fight must have been pretty angry when temptation didn’t sway him. Maybe the tempter k*lled him in frustration, and then took my necklace. You have any idea who approached him?

Misty: No. I mean, the fight was supposed to be tomorrow at Rico’s in Hollywood. Maybe someone there would know.

(Chloe is interviewing the owner, Gil. She sees that the key fob found where Amenadiel’s necklace was stolen is the same as the gym’s logo.)

Gil: Everyone’s real torn up about Aiden. We’re like family here.

Chloe: So, uh, you were close with him, too?

Gil: (Chuckles) He was a scrawny little thing when I started training him. But one dedicated son of a “B.” Nothing could stop that guy. Well, almost nothing.

Chloe: Uh, do you know if Aiden ran the same route every day?

Gil: I think so. Why?

Chloe: Well, ’cause if somebody wanted to k*ll him, you know, they’d know where he’d be.

Gil: I thought you cops were saying this was just a random robbery.

Chloe: Did you notice any unusual behavior with Aiden lately? Uh, arguments, grudges?

Gil: Well, actually, there was one guy he butted heads with… a promoter, Tio Sorrento. Sketchy guy. Never paid his fighters. Tio and his tattooed buddy got into it with Aiden a couple weeks back. But I didn’t think anything of it.

Chloe: You know where I can find him?

(Bell dings) (Crowd cheering) (Women grunting)

Lucifer: I could get used to this place.

(Lucifer is excited to be at the fight club. Suddenly, he feels something that stops him, but he doesn’t now what it is. We see that Chloe is standing next to him.)

Amenadiel: So what’s the plan?

(Lucifer is distracted and doesn’t answer.)

Amenadiel: Lucifer! What’s the plan?

Lucifer: I… Plan is to get a drink. Can’t think when I’m sober.

(Lucifer heads off down the stairs with Amenadiel following behind him.)

Lucifer: (to woman) Hello. (to Amenadiel) Apparently, they have, uh, 12 different types of whiskey.

Amenadiel: Yes, humans are funny with their infinite capacity for distractions.

Lucifer: It’s not distraction, Brother. It’s choice.

(Just then, Chloe sees the man Gil mentions and goes after him when he runs.)

Chloe: LAPD! Freeze!

Lucifer: (to a waitress) Excuse me.

Amenadiel: If you’re through with your distraction, I’d like to find my necklace.

Lucifer: (to bartender) Two fingers of your finest Scotch, please, neat. And, uh, who looks after the fights?

Bartender: Tio Sorrento. (points to a man sitting in a booth) Everything goes through him.

Lucifer: Thank you.

(Crowd cheering. Lucifer approaches Tio.)

Lucifer: Apparently, you arranged the fight that a recently deceased Aiden Scott was going to wage.

Tio: Let me guess. Your fighter wants on the card tomorrow night.

Lucifer: My fighter? (realizes he means Amenadiel) But… Oh, yes. No, Amenadiel is quite the warrior. Undefeated in battle, one of God’s finest.

Amenadiel: Actually, that’s true.

Tio: How come I’ve never seen you two before? What’s your name?

Lucifer: Lucifer Morningstar. Pleasure.

Tio: Where are you two from?

Lucifer: Down south.

Amenadiel: Up north.

Tio: (stands to walk away) Sorry, I don’t book strangers.

Lucifer: (Chuckles and grabs Tio’s arm and stops him.) I’m afraid I must insist.

(A body guard steps up and punches Amenadiel in the face. Amenadiel is unmoved. He chuckles. And with one blow, knocks out the large body guard.)

(Crowd gasping)

Tio: You just knocked out the former heavyweight champ with one punch.

Lucifer: Like I said, God’s finest.

Tio: (laughs, takes Amenadiel’s hand and slaps him on the shoulder) My man!

(Amenadiel shakes his head. Lucifer smiles.)

Amenadiel: How does this plan help me get my necklace back?

Lucifer: Well, our k*ller necklace thief undoubtedly m*rder*d Aiden Scott for refusing to throw his fight. So, in order to flush out our k*ller necklace thief, we need to get them to approach you the same way that he or she approached our dead fighter. It’s quite simple, really.

Amenadiel: Or stupid.

Lucifer: (Sighs) Yes. Well, the jewelry recovery playbook’s a little thin here, Brother, so unless you have any better ideas… Didn’t think so.

Amenadiel: But why do I need to train, Luci? I am the Silver City’s greatest fighter.

Lucifer: Again, disputable. You raised a few too many eyebrows with your one-punch knockout. So no more displays of celestial strength. If we want to be approached, then you need to learn to fight like a human. Comprende? Okay. (points to a punching bag) Give us your worst.

Amenadiel: (Sighs. Takes on punch and the punching bag breaks its chain and flies to the other side of the room.)

Lucifer: (Sighs)

(Montage of Lucifer training Amenadiel to fight like a human.)

Lucifer: Go! (Imitates clucking as Amenadiel chases a chicken then slows time to catch it.) Uh, uh-uh! No. No cheating. Eh. (Amenadiel fake straining) Very good. Finally. Lovely. Yes. Yes. Yes. There we go. (Lucifer laughs) Oh, Brother.

Tio: Your fighter looks good.

Lucifer: Well, I certainly hope so, ’cause I’m ready to make some cash. Which is all I really care about. Cold hard cash.

Tio: Win or lose?

Lucifer: Whatever it takes.

Tio: So he’d take a fall?

Lucifer: For the right price. Rumor has it that Aiden Scott was offered a hell of a deal, so we want the same.

Tio: Well, that someone is me.

Lucifer: Lovely. (Lucifer punches Tio in the face and knocks him out.)

Chloe: Dan.

Dan: Hey, what’s up?

Chloe: Hey.

Dan: Who’s that?

Chloe: One of Tio Sorrento’s thugs.

Dan: The, uh, fight promoter you were telling me about.

Chloe: Yeah. Who was seen arguing with Aiden Scott just before he was k*lled. Tats here has multiple warrants out, and after a little squeeze, I found out that Tio fixes fights for the Sarkisians.

Dan: As in the Sarkisian crime family?

Chloe: Yeah, so what if Tio tried to fix Aiden’s fight, and he refused, and he k*lled him for it?

Dan: Well, I’d say that’s a pretty interesting theory. I sense there’s an “and” coming.

Chloe: And I’d like to talk to Tio’s lawyer, see if I can maneuver a deal.

Dan: Not a good idea.

Chloe: Why?

Dan: ‘Cause you don’t have any actual proof yet, Chloe. All right? If you’re wrong, you get nothing and Tio knows we’re onto him.

Chloe: Dan, I’m right. I can feel it.

Dan: Chloe, we’ll look into Tio. But right now, you got to be patient.

(Lucifer is watching a pay-per-view movie of Chloe’s “High School Hot Tub.” He chuckles softly as he starts to unbuckle his pants, then stops then the door opens.)

(Door closes)

Lucifer: Oh. (Clears throat) So, uh… has he got your necklace?

Amenadiel: He claims to not know it’s whereabouts.

(School bell rings over TV, Lucifer clicks the TV off)

Amenadiel: I suppose it’s time to t*rture him. So, you’re up.

Lucifer: (Scoffs) Look, just because I am the King of Hell doesn’t mean I actually do the torturing. I’m more of a delegator. But I assumed this was going to happen, so I popped back down while you were in there and brought up the best. You remember Mazikeen.

(Maze enters dressed like a warrior and holding her demon blades.)

(Tio is asleep and tied to the bed.)

Maze: Hello, human.

Tio: (Grunts) Where am I? Who are you?

Maze: I’m a demon. And I’ve risen from the bowels of Hell to t*rture you.

Tio: I already told that other guy I don’t know nothing about Aiden Scott.

Maze: (Laughs) That “other guy” wouldn’t know a flanged mace from this… (holds up a bathroom plunger) stabbing object. I’m here for the truth.

Tio: You don’t have to do this.

Maze: No. I get to do this.

Tio: (Grunts)

Maze: Asphyxiation?

Tio: (Shouts)

Maze: Electrocution? There are so many ways I could hurt you. I just can’t decide. Wow. I’m on fire, aren’t you?

Tio: No.

Maze: I thought Hell was hot. (Exhales, growls)

Maze: Well, that human didn’t k*ll anybody.

(Tio crying in distance)

Maze: And he doesn’t know where your stupid necklace is, either.

Lucifer: Also a bit of a crier, it seems. I hope you didn’t go too hard, Maze. He’s not in Hell yet.

Maze: Oh, no. Those are tears of joy.

Lucifer: Oh, so he’s a masochist. (Chuckles) They can be quite tricky. What did you use to inflict the pain?

Maze: Nothing.

Lucifer: Hmm?

Maze: In Hell, I have to use their own guilt against them as t*rture. The method is chosen for them, but here, Lucifer… (Stammers) infinite possibilities. I got so excited, I just had s*x with him. (Laughs) And then he wouldn’t shut up. (Laughs)

Amenadiel: (disgusted) Enough. That man tried to bribe me into throwing a fight, all right? Now, he practically admitted doing the same with Aiden Scott, so he must be lying to you.

Maze: Nobody lies to me. The human said he wanted to fix the dead one’s fight, but someone beat him to it. Said someone placed a huge anonymous bet. Half a million dollars on Aiden Scott losing.

Amenadiel: Whoever placed that bet probably k*lled Aiden Scott and stole my necklace.

Maze: Tio doesn’t know who that is, either. Said they only communicated anonymously… through burner phones and dead drops.

Amenadiel: So Tio has no idea who this man is, and no way of finding out. Which basically means your so-called t*rture has been useless.

Maze: (stands up, faces him, looks him directly in the eyes) You want to go, bird boy?

Lucifer: Ooh, now this is getting interesting.

Amenadiel: Luci, we still need to find this thief.

Lucifer: (Sighs) And you’re not gonna… Very well. Whoever stole your necklace tried to gamble on a sure thing. So, maybe we could persuade our thief to gamble on another.

Amenadiel: So if we convince this k*ller thief to bet on my fight instead, and I take the fall I promise to take, then we wait wherever the money is supposed to be dropped off, and then we see who shows up.

Lucifer: You are cleverer than you look. Maze, do you think you can persuade Tio to arrange that?

Maze: Where should I begin?

(Chloe bursts in. Charlotte’s assistant tries to stop her.)

Chloe: Excuse me… oh, no, no. I’m good. Charlotte Richards. Hi. I’m here regarding your client Tio Sorrento.

Etienne: I’m sorry, Ms. Richards, she just…

Charlotte: Oh, it’s fine, Etienne. I always have time for law enforcement. You are law enforcement, yes?

Chloe: Yes, I, um… I’m Officer Decker, and I’m here to help Tio.

Charlotte: And what makes you think that I need your help representing my client?

Chloe: Hmm? Uh, well, because we know he works for the Sarkisian family.

Charlotte: Mm-hmm.

Chloe: And he’s also implicated in the m*rder of Aiden Scott. So if he agrees to speak with us, we’ll go easier on him.

Charlotte: Have you ever heard of something called “leverage,” Officer Decker? If not, let me help you. It’s like pressure or influence, and it’s something that you currently can’t apply, because none of what you said actually resembles proof of a crime.

Chloe: Why do you say that?

Charlotte: Because when you’re out there writing traffic tickets, I’m representing families like the Lings and the Sokolovs. Actual K*llers. Alleged, anyway. So it’s going to take a lot more than spunk… Especially rookie spunk… And a prayer to intimidate me.

Chloe: You represent the Sokolov family? And you also represent Tio and the Sarkisians. So, I-I thought the Sarkisians and the Sokolovs were at w*r over their bookmaking operations. I wonder how they’d feel if they knew that their lawyer was double-dipping. (Chuckles) You know, I’m-I’m new at this, so… I don’t know what the term is for what you’re doing, but I think it’s called “leverage.”

Charlotte: Please have a seat, Officer.

Chloe: Aw, thank you.

(Lucifer and Amenadiel head towards the ring.)

Lucifer: I didn’t expect you to be so happy to lose your first fight ever, Brother. And to a human, no less.

Amenadiel: Nice try, Luci, but we both know this doesn’t count.

Lucifer: Ah.

Amenadiel: Not to mention the fact that no mere mortal could ever stand a chance against the full power of my God-given…

Lucifer: Forget it. I regret mentioning it.

(Music thumping, crowd cheering in distance)

(Bell dings)

Lucifer: Looks like you might be up soon, Brother.

Amenadiel: Luci, thanks.

Lucifer: What?

Amenadiel: Thanks for your help. I mean, I… will admit that I was a bit skeptical of your plan, but this might actually work.

Lucifer: Yes, of course it’ll work, Brother. That’s why you asked me, remember? Someone crafty, smart…

Amenadiel: And evil. (Laughs)

Lucifer: (shocked) Evil?

Amenadiel: Well, if you want to find a deplorable criminal, you just ask a… well, you know what I mean, Luci. Come on. You are the Devil, after all.

(Amenadiel walks past a stunned Lucifer and towards the ring. Lucifer ponders the situation and then sees a boxer coming towards him and get a stern look on his face.)

(Announcer over P.A.) Ladies and gentlemen, we have a scratch on the card. Please welcome a new fighter to the cage… Lucifer… Morningstar!

(Crowd cheering)

Lucifer: You wanted the Devil. Well, you got him.

(Bell dings)

Amenadiel: Where’s the human fighter?

Lucifer: Off to join the Renaissance fair, whatever that is. Apparently, he loves the mandolin. So that leaves you with big bad me.

Amenadiel: Why are you doing this, Lucifer?

Lucifer: (Chuckles) Well, who better than the Devil to help you do something so wickedly dishonest as to throw a fight?

(Both grunt)

Lucifer: You’re welcome, by the way.

Amenadiel: This is pointless!

Lucifer: Well, we’re finally answering the age-old question: “Who’d win in a fight, you or me?”

Amenadiel: This doesn’t count!

Lucifer: So be it, Brother. So be it.

(Both grunting)

Lucifer: I’ll make sure I tell everyone in Heaven and Hell how the undefeated warrior lost to his loser, evil, little brother. (Chuckles) Oh, I guess you’re not so tough after all, are you, eh? Daddy’s boy.

(Yells)

(Crowd cheers)

Lucifer: See? You’re just as bad as me, Brother. Pride is your sin, too.

(Lucifer yells)

(Grunts. Lucifer falls, bloody and beaten.)

Amenadiel: Get up.

(Crowd groans)

Amenadiel: What am I doing?

Lucifer: Fight me.

Amenadiel: No. You see, I won’t stoop down to your level. Because I am better than you are.

(Crowd jeering)

(Lucifer grunts)

Lucifer: Fight me! (Stammers)

(Lucifer puts Amenadiel in a chock-hold. Unfazed, Amenadiel taps out anyway.)

Referee: Winner by submission!

(Crowd cheering and jeering)

Dan: It’s been, like, two hours, Chloe. I seriously doubt Tio Sorrento’s gonna show up. Especially now that he knows he’s a suspect in Aiden Scott’s m*rder.

Chloe: He swore to Charlotte Richards that he had nothing to do with the m*rder and that he’d help us find the k*ller.

Dan: So he’s just gonna drop a bunch of cash off into a locker?

Chloe: Yeah, if that’s what’s gonna clear his name. And whoever picks it up either k*lled Aiden Scott or knows who did.

Dan: And if you’re wrong? Tio doesn’t show up, he alerts his bosses about our investigation. Our entire case against them is destroyed. You know, going to see Charlotte Richards, that was a big gamble. And I want you to make detective, more than anyone, but I’m worried that this is gonna set you back.

Chloe: I know. I know you are. But sometimes this job is about taking risks, right? Besides, you know, my gut tells me I’m right.

(Chloe and Dan see on the monitor that Tio is now dropping off the money in the locker they are watching. On the other side of the lockers, Lucifer and Amenadiel are also watching.)

Lucifer: Most impressive, Brother, swallowing your pride like that. Hope you haven’t spent too long on Earth. It seems to have softened you.

Amenadiel: Luci, I just hope whoever stole my necklace won’t take too long to pick up their winnings. The sooner I can grab him and retrieve it, the sooner I can leave. I think we both stayed here for far too long.

Lucifer: (seeing a man at the lockers) k*ller slash necklace thief alert.

Chloe: (to Dan) Is that Gil, the owner of the gym?

Dan: Yeah.

Chloe: Ugh. All right, I’ll arrest him. You grab Tio.

(They both get up and leave the surveillance van.)

Chloe: Gil. Drop the bag.

(Gil runs around the side of the lockers, out of Chloe’s site. Gil screams. Moments later, Chloe gets to the spot where Gil was and all she finds is a bag of money, bills flying in the air and no Gil anywhere.)

Amenadiel: Where’s my necklace?

Gil: Where am I? Who are you? What necklace?

Amenadiel: The one you stole from me.

Gil: Wait. That was you in the street? H-How’d we get here?

Lucifer: We flew. Thought we needed a bit of privacy.

Gil: (to Lucifer) Who are you? (to Amenadiel) And you, I-I-I shot you.

Lucifer: And yet he’s standing here alive. It’s shocking, isn’t it?

Gil: Look, I-I don’t want any trouble. I’ll get you a new necklace.

Amenadiel: No, see, I want mine.

Gil: It’s just a necklace. What’s the big deal about it?

Amenadiel: (screaming) Because my father gave it to me!

Gil: (stammers) Look. Taking the necklace wasn’t part of my plan.

Lucifer: So you planned to k*ll the other human?

Gil: No, that was a mistake, too. Aiden was like a son to me. I got into some money trouble. I thought of a fix. Aiden throws his fight. We bet on it, take home a huge payday. Both of us.

Lucifer: But the fighter didn’t want to play his part, did he?

Gil: He said he’d rather walk away from it than throw it. I went to try to scare him, but Aiden fought back. I panicked, I shot him. Tried to make it look like a robbery. That’s when I saw you. I-I didn’t know what you’d seen, I’m sorry.

Amenadiel: I’m gonna ask you for the last time. Where… is my necklace?

Gil: It’s in the gym. It’s in my safe.

Amenadiel: Let’s go drop him back at the beach.

Lucifer: Just a moment. So you k*lled your so-called “son” for refusing to play a part in your plan. Now, that is just pure evil. And I should know. Because I am the King of Evil.

(Lucifer shows Gil his devil’s face.)

Gil: No! No!

(Air whooshes)

Gil: (Screams)

(Next thing we know, Gil is on his knees back at the beach near the lockers. Dan and Chloe hear something, turn, and find Gil.)

Gil: I did it! (Crying) I… (Groans)

Dan: Where the hell did he come from?

Gil: I did it. I-I k*lled Aiden Scott. I’m sorry, it’s-it’s all my fault. I… I k*lled him.

Chloe: Sounds like a confession to me. (She reaches for her handcuffs and walks over to Gil.)

Dan: Looks like your gamble paid off.

(Handcuffs clicking)

(As the scene opens, there is an aerial view of the building we know as “LUX.”)

(Inside, Lucifer is pouring himself a drink at the bar as Amenadiel approaches him.)

Amenadiel: Luci, why are we back here? It’s time for us to leave. We’ve been here on Earth long enough.

Lucifer: Yes, you see, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. (Hands Amenadiel a drink. Sighs) I’m not leaving.

Amenadiel: (Chuckles softly) What?

Lucifer: I’m saying that I’ve realized something here in this City of Angels. That I really am no longer one anymore. (Laughs) And if that’s true, then why am I still trying to please Father? Eons… eons… spent condemned to my fate in Hell, and yet I’m still trying to seek His approval. Still playing a part in His play. Well, no more, Brother. He abandoned me, so why shouldn’t I abandon Him? It’s time I fully accept how everyone else sees me: the rebel. As a wise woman once said to me, “If you really want to rebel, move to L.A.”

Amenadiel: Stop. Lucifer, as much as I am moved by your sentiment, unfortunately, that’s a no. You are coming back to Hell with me. There’s no discussion.

Lucifer: (Sighs) Yes, you see… this is where it gets interesting. We made a deal, didn’t we, for a favor to be named later. Later is now. And my ask, it’s quite simple. Leave me be.

Amenadiel: You know I can’t do that.

Lucifer: Well, isn’t it a sin for an angel to break a vow?

Amenadiel: (Sighs) Oh, Luci. Father will be furious. And you will suffer His wrath.

Lucifer: Well… then He knows where to find me.

(“American Funeral” by Alex da Kid and Joseph Angel playing)

Lucifer: (Sighs) This place could use a piano.

(Lucifer and Maze stand on the beach. Lucifer looks at Maze, then turns, unfurls his wings. Maze comes up behind him, the look of horror on her face. She raises he hand holding her demon blade. The sound of blade slicing as Maze cuts off Lucifer’s wings.)