S3 Ep04: What Would Lucifer Do?

(chuckles softly) (Lucifer is in bed with a blond woman.)

Lucifer: So, tell me, what’s your deepest, darkest fantasy?

Lexy: To have sex in the ball pit at a Chuck E. Cheese.

Lucifer: (laughs) Not what I was expecting.

Lexy: I mean, the thought of getting caught, it just turns me on.

Lucifer: All right, well, I’d rather eat a plate of warm mayonnaise than visit that child-laden cesspool, but, um… you are a persuasive one, aren’t you?

Lexy: (laughs) Yay. Ooh, let’s practice.

Lucifer: Why not?

(laughing, moaning)

Man: (calls out from downstairs) Lexy, darling? I’m home.

Lexy: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. He’s not supposed to be back until tomorrow. (whimpers) Quick. Hide.

Lucifer: Lexy. Relax. I’ll handle this. (exhales)

(Lucifer grabs a red silk robe as he leaves the bedroom, puts it on, and walks down a curved stairway to the foyer when a middle-aged man stands watching him.)

Judge: What the hell?

Lucifer: Rest easy. I’m not a thief. Your valuables are untouched… unless, of course, you consider your wife a valuable. In that case, I’ve touched her several times. (chuckles) Twice this morning.

Judge: Who the hell do you think you are?

Lucifer: Lucifer Morningstar, Your Honor. My apologies. I had no idea I was dealing with a man of such stature. In my defense, when we came in last night, I was blindfolded by your wife’s underwear, so…

Judge: (Grabs a golf club from a nearby golf bag.) You’re messin’ with the wrong guy, pal.

Lucifer: Ah, violence… now we’re getting somewhere interesting. Come on, let it flow. Tell me, is kicking my a*s what you truly desire? (Lucifer uses his power of desire on the judge.)

Judge: (Lowering the club and relaxing, he speaks honestly.) No. No, I just… I… I want a friggin’ nap. Look, I know I’m a cliché. I married the yoga instructor. But you wouldn’t believe the body on that girl.

Lucifer: (chuckles) Wouldn’t I?

Judge: Right. (chuckles) So you get it.

Lucifer: Mm-hmm.

Judge: In the beginning, it was great… partying all the time, there was… Tons of sex.

Lucifer: You must have felt like a new man. But then… let me guess… It became…

Judge: Exhausting. All of that. Sex, partying, and… Coachella.

Lucifer: Ooh.

Judge: That’s not who I am. In all honesty, I just… I just want to chill with my ex, Marsha. She engaged my mind.

Lucifer: Well, truth be told, I’ve been experiencing an identity conundrum myself. Well, that was until I realized that the best way to remind myself of the Devil I am today is to fully embrace the Devil I used to be.

Judge: Are you saying I should call my ex?

Lucifer: Absolutely. And I can help you.

Judge: How?

Lucifer: By graciously keeping your new bride sexually satisfied while you reconnect with your old wife.

Judge: Yeah?

Lucifer: Deal?

Judge: Uh, deal.

(They shake hands.)

Lucifer: But don’t forget… now I’ve done you a favor, you owe me one.

Judge: Of course. Wh-Whatever you want.

Lucifer: Lovely. Right. (Finishes a flute of champagne.) Mm. I, uh, better get on with my end of the bargain. (Lucifer goes back up the stairs toward the bedroom calling out to Lexy.) Lexy, darling, the Devil’s back. (chuckles)

(Marcus is sitting behind his desk reading a file when Chloe enters.)

Chloe: Hey, Lieutenant. You busy?

Marcus: Depends what you’re gonna ask me next.

Chloe: Well, uh, in an effort to strengthen my own professional identity within the department, I’d like to take on some added responsibility. I’d like to be put up for the open union rep position.

Marcus: (He puts the file down on the desk, turns and looks directly at her.) Request denied.

Chloe: Can I ask why?

Marcus: See, one of the few benefits of having the “L” and the “T” in front of my name is I don’t have to explain myself. Anything else?

Chloe: No. (She turns to leave.)

Marcus: Detective. New body just dropped. Since you’re here, you might as well take it. (Marcus drops a file folder on his desk. Chloe walks back to the desk and takes the file.)

(Ella is standing in the hall having seen Chloe’s exchange with Marcus through the office glass.)

Ella: Whoa. What was that about?

Chloe: (groans) You could tell just by watching?

Ella: Oh, my God, yeah. He is so into you.

Chloe: You’re joking.

Ella: Uh, no. Scorching fire. Five-alarm. But all I’m gonna say. I, uh, heard we caught a body. I’ll grab my kit.

(Lucifer enters from a side stairway to find Amenadiel waiting in his living room.)

Amenadiel: Lucifer. Where have you been?

Lucifer: Saving a marriage.

Amenadiel: Listen, I’ve been waiting here to tell you that I finally figured out what my task is from Father – to get my powers back.

Lucifer: Ah? Well, this should be the opposite of interesting.

Amenadiel: It’s you, Brother. You… are my task.

Lucifer: Slightly more interesting. How am I your task?

Amenadiel: I have no idea. I mean, am I supposed to help you, teach you? You see, I was sent down here to be with you for a reason. Now, maybe… maybe that means I’m supposed to learn from you. (exhales)

Lucifer: Well, if you really need to understand me, Brother, then you must first… walk a mile in my Italian loafers.

Amenadiel: Walk a mile in your shoes? Mm-hmm. All right. Well, tell me how to… “Lucifer.”

Lucifer: Oh, baby steps. It took eons to perfect this. All right, first off, a… a makeover. Clothes. (chuckles) Shoes. Here’s an idea: try smiling. Right. We can work on that. Through there, my closet, I grant you… entrée to all things me. And give me your phone. (Amenadiel hands Lucifer his phone.) Okay. Right. Now you have access to all my social media accounts… Instagram, Snapchat, Grindr. Go. Release your inner Devil.

Amenadiel: But what should I do first?

Lucifer: Oh, I don’t know. Get laid. Play the piano. Punish evil. Just, whenever you’re faced with a choice, ask yourself the question… WWLD?

(Amenadiel does not understand, so Lucifer explains.)

Lucifer: What Would Lucifer Do?

(Ella is already on the scene taking photos. Techs pull a young woman’s body out of a horse watering tub full of water. Chloe arrives.)

Chloe: Hey. Got an ID?

(shutter clicks)

Ella: Yep. Meet Emily Goddard. 23. Counselor here. Body was found in the trough.

(Lucifer arrives.)

Lucifer: “Firehawk Ranch. Transformational Center.”

Chloe: Yeah, it’s a high-end reform program for juvenile drug offenders and addicts.

Lucifer: Oh. Really?

Chloe: (to Ella) So, what, she drown?

Ella: No. Stabbed. In her office, upstairs. Then took a tumble out the window, and… splashdown.

Chloe: (sighs) We have a m*rder weapon?

(Lucifer is checking out the building by looking in windows.)

Ella: Nothing yet. But… from the depth of the wound, blunting on one side… I’d say we’re looking for either a knife or a tool with a… four-to five-inch serrated blade.

Lucifer: So this, uh, so-called “reform program,” it claims to transform bad kids into good ones?

Ella: Only reform program I ever knew was my abuelita’s boot. It was pretty effective.

Lucifer: I’m sure.

Ella: (Sees a man walking towards them.) Oh, there’s the guy in charge.

Chloe: Hi. Detective Chloe Decker. And he is…

Lucifer: Very skeptical.

Jerry: Jerry Blackcrow… Founder of Firehawk Ranch. This is terrible.

Chloe: Do you know anyone who may have wanted to hurt Ms. Goddard?

Jerry: No. She was one of my best counselors. Everyone adored her.

(EMTs take the body away.)

Chloe: Any idea what happened, then?

Jerry: Someone must have snuck onto the property and done this.

Lucifer: (laughs) Well, we’re surrounded by ne’er-do-wells, and he thinks the culprit came from the outside? Delusional. k*ller’s obviously here. Probably him. Shifty eyes. Or… no, sorry… her. The ginger… She’s got that “I like to watch the life drain out of people” look.

Chloe: (Whispering to Lucifer, trying to get him to stop.) Okay.

Lucifer: Like I’m the only one who sees it!

Jerry: No way one of my kids did this. They all walk the Firehawk Path. This is a place of transformation.

Lucifer: Uh, no. This is a scam. People can’t be changed. Trust me, I know.

Jerry: Perhaps they just need the right kind of motivation. As a former addict and ex-con, I’m living proof that people can change. Our kids graduate to better lives.

Ella: Sorry to get all interrupty, but they just found this tool belt in the victim’s office. Looks like an item’s missing.

Jerry: Pruning saw’s gone.

Chloe: Let me guess… four to five inches, serrated blade? It’s our missing m*rder weapon. Whose tool belt is that?

Jerry: One of the residents. Only they receive them.

Lucifer: Oh, well, game, set, match moi. It appears one of your pupils has just graduated to m*rder one.

(They are looking up in a journal the tool belt number to see who it belongs to.)

Chloe: “Nine five four four.” – We keep strict records of all the equipment issued to the kids.

Jerry: Taking care of your gear is the sixth stepping stone on the Firehawk Path to healing.

Lucifer: Ah, is stepping stone seven, “Use said gear to k*ll someone you hate”? Uh, excuse me. What is that? The badge.

(Lucifer is pointing to a gold eagle pin a young man is wearing.)

Jerry: Uh, those are Colin’s Firehawk wings. Highest honor here.

Lucifer: (laughs) Wings as an honor? Is this a joke?

Jerry: No. It’s part of the reward system. The better the residents behave, the more benefits they earn. Wings are only given to those who have truly reformed. They get the most sought-after privileges, like… computer time, phone calls…

Lucifer: So, h-hold on. You curtail the free will of these rebellious souls by making them follow your rules, and then you trick them into thinking they’ve changed by giving them wings?

(horses neighing excitedly)

Lucifer: A most vile manipulation. And completely unoriginal, I might add.

Chloe: Lucifer…

Young Man: Tyson Chase. The tool belt… it was assigned to Tyson Chase.

(horses huffing, neighing)

Chloe: Where can we find Tyson?

(birds singing) (Jerry opens the door. Chloe enters first with her g*n drawn.)

Lucifer: Well, it appears Tyson used his wings to fly the coop. (sighs) Still think people can change?

(crowd chatter)

(Amenadiel enters in a suit. He sees a woman standing alone, and he approaches her.)

Amenadiel: Tell me, what is it you desire?

Woman 1: (laughs) For you to move so I can talk to my boyfriend.

Amenadiel: Oh. S-S… (clears throat) Sorry about that.

(Amenadiel sees another young woman standing alone and approaches her.)

Amenadiel: Guess what?

Woman 2: What?

Amenadiel: You get to have sex with me.

(The woman throws her drink in his face and walks away. Amenadiel goes to the bar and leans against it, face still wet.)

Amenadiel: (to himself) Didn’t go as planned. (sighs)

(A woman hands him a cloth napkin.)

Woman 3: Hi. You want to buy me a drink?

(Amenadiel turns and smiles at her.)

(Chloe is reading aloud the suspect’s rap sheet displayed on her computer.)

Chloe: Tyson’s father in jail, mother’s dead. Foster care. In and out of juvie since he was seven. Record is sealed.

Dan: Judging by the size of his file, Firehawk Ranch was probably Tyson Chase’s last stop before a long stay at Chino or San Quentin.

Chloe: Hmm. You get something from MTA?

Dan: Yup. Camera caught him exiting a station in Hollywood. No sign of him after that.

(Chloe is looking at file photos.)

(footsteps approaching)

Marcus: Hey, Decker, how’s it going with the Firehawk case?

Chloe: Very well, sir. Uh, m*rder weapon still missing. Although we’ve identified the suspect. Tyson Chase. He’s a resident. There’s a BOLO out.

Marcus: So no one’s in custody yet?

Chloe: Not yet.

Marcus: Thought you’d be further along. (Marcus walks away.)

(Chloe sees Ella on the far side of the room making pelvic grinding motions to tell Chloe she sees the s*xual tension between Chloe and Marcus even though Chloe doesn’t see it.)

Dan: Wow.

Chloe: Why is Pierce such a d*ck to me?

Dan: Who cares? He’s a d*ck to everybody.

Chloe: No, but I seem to be getting extra helpings of his dickishness. I know he’s considered a rock star downtown with the suits, but if he’s got a problem with me, I want to find out, I want to fix it, and I don’t want it messing with my career.

Dan: Maybe you’re not the problem.

(We now see Lucifer has arrived and he is pouring alcohol from a flask into a cup of coffee.)

Chloe: Lucifer!

Lucifer: Mm. (sighs) (He offers the cup to Chloe) Well, looks like someone could use a single malt cappuccino.

(Chloe doesn’t take the cup, so he offers it to Dan.)

Lucifer: Single malt latte?

Chloe: I’d prefer if you helped us find Tyson Chase. Your focus has been all over the map on this case.

Lucifer: Well, I forget how much you’ve come to rely on me these days. Allow me to consult. Catching this little degenerate is quite simple. Whatever Tyson’s sin was in the past, he’s back at it. And you know why? People don’t change.

Dan: We don’t know his crimes. His record is sealed. Tyson’s a minor.

Chloe: Well, I’ll call a judge, get it unsealed. It may take a few days.

Lucifer: Or not. I may have a way to cut a few corners.

Chloe: Getting caught cutting corners is the last thing I need right now, Lucifer. It’ll be better if I handle it alone.

(The Judge is playing cards with a woman who is not his wife.)

Judge: (sighs) Go fish.

(Lucifer’s footsteps approaching)

Lucifer: Ah. Hello, Judgey. And this must be Marsha.

Judge: Uh, Lucifer. What do you want?

Lucifer: That favor returned. I need your help proving a young deplorable hasn’t reformed and never will. So… (to Marsha) your turn to pick from the pile, I think.

(A young man is hot-wiring a car. Car engine starts. Lucifer is timing him with a stopwatch.)

Lucifer: Bravo. Quick. I mean, not Vin Diesel quick, but impressive nonetheless. Scoot over.

(Startled, the young man moves into the passenger’s seat, and Lucifer gets in the driver’s seat and closes the door.)

Lucifer: Well. Tyson Chase. Your record said you liked to steal cars to pay for your drugs. Vintage muscle cars, to be precise. And you’ve been arrested here twice. I guess third time’s a charm, and by charm, I mean me.

Tyson: Yeah, but my record’s sealed. How’d you know?

Lucifer: I called in a favor. ‘Cause I need to prove to that charlatan at Firehawk Ranch that you are and always will be a criminal.

Tyson: Whatever, man. Look, if you a cop, I got nothing to say. Nothing matters anymore anyway. I’d rather die than go back.

Lucifer: Well, that can be arranged.

(tires squeal as Lucifer starts the car, backs it out of the parking spot, and then proceeds to drive way too fast for the curvy road they are on.)

Tyson: Oh! Whoa! Oh, oh, oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, man! Okay, okay. Chill out. Chill out. Chill out! Slow down. Slow down.

Lucifer: I’m not gonna slow down, Tyson. You said you wanted to die. Do you want a quick death, – or a slow death?

Tyson: No! I take it back. Stop. Stop.

(tires squealing)

(Lucifer stops the car so the passenger door flies open and Tyson nearly falls out and down a steep embankment into a canyon. Lucifer grabs Tyson so he doesn’t fall but is hanging over the edge precariously.)

Tyson: Hey, man, what… what you doing? (screams)

Tyson: Okay, look, I take it back, all right? I take it back. I don’t want to die. I’ll come with you, tell you anything.

Lucifer: Smells like you might need a change of underpants first, Tyson.

(Lucifer plops Tyson down in a chair as Chloe enters.)

Lucifer: I present to you one unreformable gnat – to answer for his crimes.

Chloe: Where did you find him?

Lucifer: I witnessed the little reprobate stealing a getaway car, so I carried out a citizen’s arrest. Like I said, once bad, always bad.

Tyson: Look, get this psycho dude away from me! He almost k*lled me!

Lucifer: (laughs) Hello, kettle. Pot calling. However, I must commend you on your choice of m*rder weapon.

Tyson: m*rder weapon?

Chloe: We found your tool belt in Emily Goddard’s office, minus the pruning saw that you used to k*ll her.

Tyson: Wait. Emily’s dead? Oh, my God.

Lucifer: (exhales)

Tyson: You think I k*lled her?

Lucifer: Yes.

Tyson: No. Look, I loved Emily. I’d never hurt her.

Chloe: People heard you fighting, Tyson.

Tyson: Because she wouldn’t talk to me. I just wanted to talk.

Chloe: About what?

Tyson: (sighs) Look, I turned 18, and didn’t have to stay at the ranch anymore. I wanted her to come with me. Look, we kissed one time… but she said it was… she… she said it a mistake. She wouldn’t leave.

Lucifer: Oh, no. She rejected you? So you k*lled her!

Tyson: This is all my fault.

Lucifer: Oh, finally, we’re getting somewhere.

Tyson: No. Look, if-if I hadn’t left, Emily would still be alive. I could’ve protected her.

Chloe: From who?

Tyson: Uh, she was worried about expelling a resident. Said everything had gone to hell. That’s why she wouldn’t talk with me. That’s why we fought. Look, please, you have to believe me.

(Lucifer, Chloe, Marcus, and Dan are watching Tyson, who is still in the interrogation room.)

Lucifer: Filthy liar.

Chloe: I believe him. My gut tells me it’s not him. And I want to explore this mystery resident that Emily wanted to expel.

Lucifer: How much walking and talking like a murderous, sociopathic duck is necessary for us to realize the k*ller is sitting in our laps?

Dan: (chuckling at something he is looking at on his phone.)

Marcus: Something you’d like to add here, Espinoza?

Dan: Uh, no. Sorry. I just… I need to go help a friend who’s in trouble.

Marcus: Well, don’t let your day job keep you.

Dan: (exhales) I’ll have the victim’s files sent over. Maybe we can get a lead on whoever she wanted to expel. (Dan leaves.)

Marcus: I doubt I could be less impressed by the lack of consensus here. All we have now is no m*rder weapon and a possible motive?

Chloe: We got to cut him loose.

Lucifer: (scoffs)

Chloe: Without a m*rder weapon, we don’t have enough evidence to keep him.

(Lucifer leaves the observation room and goes back into the interrogation room where Tyson is waiting.)

Lucifer: Hello, Tyson. Just me again. Now, why can’t you embrace your true self, hmm? You’re a bad seed. Just celebrate the darkness inside.

Tyson: No, please! Just leave me alone!

Lucifer: I won’t leave you alone until – you tell me the truth.

Tyson: Look, please don’t hurt me. I promise I’ve changed.

Chloe: (Pushes button and talks over the intercom from the observation room.) Lucifer, let him go! (to Marcus) I take full responsibility for his actions. This won’t happen again.

Marcus: Why not? Kid turns out not to be the m*rder*r, your friend just scared him straight. (Pushes button to talk to Lucifer over the intercom. )Well done, Lucifer. Way to be a good influence.

Lucifer: How dare you say that? (to Tyson) Do you see what you’ve done now? (scoffs) (sighs) I’ll show them a good influence.

(A large group of teenagers is doing work around the barn when Lucifer arrives.)

Lucifer: Good morning. Good morning. Right, gather ’round, children. Gather ’round. Come on. Don’t be shy. Don’t be shy. I don’t bite. (laughs) Ah.

Carly: Who’s the suit?

Lucifer: Lucifer Morningstar, your substitute counselor and resident bad influence.

Carly: Is this some kind of reverse psychology?

Lucifer: (laughs) I assure you, my budding miscreant, nothing of the sort. No, the lesson I’m about to teach you is pure deviance. Yes, come on. Room for everyone. Come on, you at the back. Right. Okay, before I start, I’d humbly like to ask you guys a little about yourselves, so, tell me, what is it you all desire?

Carly: Get rich.

Woman: Instagram model.

Man: Make people feel good.

Lucifer: Oh.

Woman: I just want to be alone, man.

Woman 2: Be my own boss.

Man 2: Play video games!

Man 3: My father’s love.

Lucifer: Oh.

Man 4: Easy money!

Woman 3: I just want to get high, man.

Lucifer: I hear you. I hear you. Right. So what I’m getting is that you all want to get back to your true selves. (laughs)

(Lucifer is in front of a whiteboard with a diagram on it about mar*juana marketing. The teens gather around him, listening intently.)

Lucifer: I mean, yes, micro-nutrients in the soil are important, but the key here, people, the key here is vertical integration. And it all starts with solid distribution. Right. Now, I’m partial to the Paraguay corridor, mainly because…

Hair Boy: Oh, oh, uh?

Lucifer: Pl… Yes. Hair boy.

Hair Boy: Uh, but what about hands-on experience?

Lucifer: (laughs) Oh, right. Well, I do happen to know some wonderful CEOs down in Sinaloa, Mexico. Perhaps I could arrange some internships.

Group: Yeah, yeah.

Lucifer: Oh, well. The way to hell really is paved with bad acne-prone intentions. So much potential here! But… Sorry. Am I boring you, darling?

Carly: Yeah. Screw Paraguay and micro-nutrients. The only things you need to be your own CEO is irrigation and a south-facing slope.

Lucifer: Ah.

(Carly pushes some tree limbs aside. )

Carly: Here’s your dru, Teach.

(Lucifer now sees a large field of mar*juana plants.)

Lucifer: Well, then. It appears someone’s gunning for extra credit. (inhales and exhales deeply)

(The barn has been transformed into a mar*juana production line with all the teens working in the process. Lucifer rides in on a white horse smoking weed.)

Lucifer: Don’t get high on your own supply.

All: Don’t get high on your own supply.

Lucifer: Snitches end up in ditches.

All: Snitches end up in ditches.

Lucifer: Hugs, not drugs. (laughing) No… Sorry, sorry. Reverse that one. Drugs, not hugs.

All: Drugs, not hugs.

(Chloe arrives.)

Chloe: Lucifer?

Lucifer: Detective.

Chloe: What is going on here? And how did you get that horse?

Lucifer: What horse?

Chloe: Ugh.

(Lucifer is now standing and someone is leading the horse away.)

Lucifer: Bye! Ah, they should award him his wings. Then he’d look like Pegasus. (laughs) What are you so upset about? I mean, it was a valuable teaching moment for the children. They are our future, after all.

Chloe: You’re teaching them to grow drugs.

Lucifer: No, no, no, I’m teaching them to sell drugs. Regardless, what brings you here?

Chloe: Our job. Which is to find the kid that Emily was about to expel. In her files, it said that she had recently busted one of the residents for apparently running a drug operation.

Lucifer: No. Oh. Right. (laughs) So… Well, it appears I’ve been doing our job, too. Carly, front and center. My prized pupil. She had her own weed operation already up and running.

Chloe: Oh. So, this is all yours?

Carly: (Looks at Lucifer before saying…) Not saying a word without my lawyer.

Lucifer: (laughs) Sorry, I taught her that. But I have to say, Detective, this young lady really is going places.

Chloe: Mm-hmm. Yeah. All the way to jail.

(Dan arrives and walks along a large, barred holding cell to where Amenadiel is being held.)

Dan: Yo, buddy. What the hell happened, man?

Amenadiel: Detective Espinoza. It’s good to see you.

Dan: (laughs) When I heard the charges, I mean…

Amenadiel: Listen, we had just performed the act of love, and then she demanded money.

Dan: (chuckles)

Amenadiel: At first, I assumed it was for bus fare, but then she wanted quite a large amount. And then her cousin showed up, who shared very little familial resemblance, by the way, and then he also demanded money.

Dan: Right, right. So when he wouldn’t take no for an answer, you got into a fight, and you beat him up.

Amenadiel: Uh-huh.

Dan: You do realize she’s a call girl, right?

Amenadiel: I know what a prost*tute is! I just didn’t know she was one. And then, her cousin… well, he wouldn’t listen to reason.

Dan: You mean… her pimp?

Amenadiel: (Now realizing who the man really was.) Yes, of course.

Dan: Look, I don’t need any of the details, all right? The important thing is, the watch commander’s my old training officer, so I pulled some strings. You’re cut loose.

(Amenadiel looks concerned.)

Dan: Don’t worry. (laughing) Don’t worry. I didn’t say a word to Lucifer.

(Lucifer has the munchies and is still a bit high and eating chips. Chloe is updating Lt. Pierce on the case.)

Marcus: How we doing on the investigation?

Chloe: Well, this investigation has… (clears throat) smoked out Carly Glantz. Rap sheet a mile long. Made no progress at reform. Working theory is that she found out Emily was about to expel her.

Marcus: So she k*lled her to protect herself and her drug operation.

Chloe: And then, Carly lawyered up before we could get to her.

Marcus: Still no m*rder weapon?

Chloe: And no evidence tying her to the scene.

Marcus: Lucifer, any thoughts?

Chloe: Lucifer is not in the state of mind to offer any constructive advice right now.

Lucifer: Reach for the unexpected and allow yourself to be surprised. Like crisps and chocolate. The results can be quite pleasing. Mm.

Marcus: That’s good advice. Decker, throw out the manual. Think outside the box.

Lucifer: Yes, Lieutenant.

Chloe: What? I’m sorry. What are you asking me to do? Because Carly isn’t gonna talk.

(Just then, Carly and her father arrive.)

Carly: I want to talk.

Lucifer: Ah. Allow yourself to be surprised indeed.

Chloe: So, you want to make a statement?

Carly: Yeah. So… I guess I’ve been enlightened by the Firehawk Path. And I know I can’t find my happiness if I don’t present my truth. The night of the m*rder, I saw Tyson Chase digging by the sundial, burying something.

Chloe: Burying what?

Carly: Don’t know. It was dark, and I was looking through a window. Geez, do I have to do all your work for you?

Carly’s Dad: Carly, tone.

Carly: Should I roll over and fetch, too, Dad?

Lucifer: Parents. Am I right?

Chloe: So, how do I know you didn’t k*ll Emily?

Carly’s Dad: Because Carly has an iron-clad alibi. (Pushes some papers across the desk to Chloe.) During the m*rder, she was in the shared room… on the computer, video chatting with her boyfriend. Now, instead of harassing my daughter any further, I suggest you go see what’s under that sundial.

(Ella is using a trowel to move dirt.)

Lucifer: I don’t mean to backseat dig, but aren’t you a bit far from the sundial?

Chloe: I’ve got it. Thanks. (Under her breath to Ella.) At least, I hope I do. (Louder) Hey, Ella, you’re kind of, sort of friendly with the lieutenant. What’s his deal?

Ella: Regarding what?

Chloe: Well, no matter what I do, it seems Pierce wants to be a complete jerk to me.

Ella: Oh, this isn’t about that crazy vibe between you two?

Chloe: No, this is about professional respect, which I’ve earned. I have the best close rate in the department, and it seems like, no matter where I turn, Pierce is there, questioning my judgment.

Lucifer: Are you talking about the new lieutenant? I like him. Very good judgment.

Ella: Totally agree. Spot on. (Chloe shoots her a look.) What? It’s true. Okay, you got it all wrong. Look, at first, I didn’t think Pierce liked me, either, but then, a couple of days ago in the kitchen, he hands me the creamer and the sugar. And I didn’t even ask for it. I know, right?

Lucifer: Right.

Ella: See, Pierce had noticed how I liked my coffee. Just pay attention to his actions, not his words. And regardless, Decker, you are a total badass.

Chloe: Thank you, Ella. (sighs) (shovel clinking)

Ella: You got something?

(Chloe digs a bit more then pulls out a metal object.)

Chloe: “Nine five four four.” It’s Tyson Chase’s number.

Ella: I guess he is our k*ller.

Lucifer: See? What did I tell you? Once a bad guy, always a bad guy.

(An officer leads Tyson away in cuffs. Chloe, Lucifer, and Marcus discuss the case.)

Marcus: The blood on Tyson Chase’s pruning saw matches the victim’s. Carly Glantz puts the bloody saw in his hands after the m*rder. So Tyson Chase equals homicidal maniac. What am I missing?

Lucifer: Nothing. (chuckles, yawns) Oh, sorry. It’s just exhausting being right all the time, isn’t it? (laughs) I’m kidding. It’s amazing.

Chloe: Wait a minute. What if Lucifer really is right?

Lucifer: Oh, go on.

Chloe: Then if, per Lucifer, people really don’t reform, that would also apply to Carly Glantz. Once bad, always bad, right?

Lucifer: Right. Finally you get it.

Chloe: So, then, how the hell did the worst kid in the program, on the verge of expulsion, earn highly-coveted computer privileges to video chat with her boyfriend?

Lucifer: I don’t know. Sexual favors?

Chloe: Well, I want to go back and talk to Jerry Blackcrow, ask him some more questions. Something doesn’t add up.

Marcus: You think Blackcrow’s involved?

Chloe: (sighs) I don’t know. Maybe. I want to know why Carly is getting these privileges. Lucifer, you coming?

Lucifer: Oh, I can’t. Sorry. Duty calls.

Chloe: Oh. What’s duty’s name?

Lucifer: Lexy, if you must know, a judge’s soon-to-be ex-wife. It’s a long story.

Chloe: Great. Are you really not coming?

Lucifer: I made a promise, Detective. And who am I if I’m not a devil of my word? Besides, we both know this case is already solved.

Marcus: Lucifer, go. You’ve earned some private time.

Lucifer: Ah, well, thank you, Lieutenant. See? Great judgment.

Chloe: I don’t care what you say. I’m gonna keep digging on this.

Marcus: I think it’s time I ride along with you.

Chloe: Frankly, Lieutenant, just because you and I disagree does not mean I need a babysitter.

Marcus: You coming, Decker?

(Amenadiel and Dan are at the bar having drinks and talking.)

Amenadiel: My father is trying to teach me a lesson about Lucifer. Problem is, I don’t know what it is.

Dan: And he didn’t tell you?

Amenadiel: He’s a bit, uh… – enigmatic, my dad.

Dan: Ah. Sounds complicated.

Amenadiel: You have no idea. So I’ve been, um, walking a mile in Lucifer’s shoes to learn more about him, to try and understand him.

Dwn: Bro, what’s there to understand? The guy does what he wants, he says what he wants, he gets away with it. He parties constantly, he apparently has an endless supply of cash, drives a sick-a*s ride. (to bartender) Thanks. (to Amenadiel) And he gets to have sex with a different hot girl every night.

Amenadiel: What a terrible, lonely existence.

Dan: Oh, yeah, yeah. Sounds awful.

Amenadiel: Anyway, Dan, thanks for bailing me out.

Dwn: No problem, man. We all need someone to have our backs every now and then.

Amenadiel: You’re right. We do.

(crowd chatter)

(Chloe is walking ahead of Marcus, who is on his phone texting with someone.)

(crickets chirping)

Marcus: You sure this is the right way?

Chloe: Positive. (long pause) I’m a badass, you know.

Marcus: Excuse me?

Chloe: Even though you don’t trust me.

Marcus: What makes you think I don’t trust you?

Chloe: Oh, let’s see. You’ve only been breathing down my neck this entire case. Any time Lucifer sneezes, you praise him; you berate me. You chose to ride along just so you could check up on me. Oh, and you shot down my request to be union rep without even considering it.

Marcus: (laughs)

Chloe: What? You think this is all a joke?

Marcus: I’m laughing because you think me turning you down for that union rep job was a bad thing.

Chloe: How is it a good thing?

Marcus: That job is for has-beens. I’m not gonna waste one of my best detectives while you attend useless meetings. And the only reason I came here was so I could finally – see you in action firsthand.

(They are standing in front of a cabin. Behind them, Jerry Blackcrow comes out of the door with a shotg*n.) (door creaks open)

Chloe: You think that I’m one of your best detectives?

(Marcus is facing the cabin; Chloe has her back to the door. Marcus sees the g*n and pushes Chloe out of the way.)

Marcus: Decker, g*n!

(g*nsh*t, Marcus is shot and groans) (g*nshots) (g*nshots)

(Chloe fires back. Jerry’s gun jams and he runs.) (panting) (truck door closes) (engine revving. Jerry gets away.)

Chloe: (gasps. Puts her g*n in holster and takes out her phone to call for help.)

Chloe: Lieutenant, come on. Stay with me. (over phone) Unit 831. Officer down! Officer down!

(siren whoops. Marcus is being wheeled away on a stretcher. Lucifer arrives and looks desperately for Chloe.)

Chloe: (to an officer) Get their statement and get back to me, please.

Lucifer: Detective?

Chloe: (to officer) Thank you.

Lucifer: Are you okay?

Chloe: Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I mean, thanks to Lieutenant Pierce. He saved my life.

Lucifer: Jerry Blackcrow tried to k*ll you. I don’t believe it. Wait. What am I saying? Didn’t he say he was an ex-con himself? More proof there’s no such thing as transformation.

Chloe: Hey, can we talk about this later? I got to get to the hospital.

Lucifer: I…

(She hurries off, leaving Lucifer standing alone. Dan is nearby.)

Dan: (to an officer) Have ’em notify Union Station, too.

Lucifer: Daniel?

Dan: Yeah.

Lucifer: Have you located the reform guru? I’d like to have a word.

Dan: Yeah? Well, get in line, pal. We put out a statewide APB, we’re checking bus stations, airports. So far, nothing. Look, man, Chloe’s fine. Luckily, Pierce was with her. (Pats Lucifer on the shoulder and walks away.)

Lucifer: (scoffs) But I wasn’t.

Dan: Hey, guys, I want you to check all local ATM cameras. If Blackcrow is fleeing, he’s gonna need cash. That’s the only way to get any at this hour.

Lucifer: (He overhears what Dan is saying to other officers and has a thought.) Unless he’s got a stash somewhere.

(Birds squawking. Jerry is on a boat dock. He pulls a rope, hauls a waterproof sack out of the water, opens it, and starts transferring stacks of wrapped bills into a leather bag.)

Lucifer: (Walks up behind Jerry.) (sighs) So, this is where the Firehawk Path leads. A soggy stash of coke-dusted twenties and a boat ride to Mexico.

Jerry: How did you find me?

Lucifer: My prized pupil mentioned using her dad’s beach condo as a stash house. Of course her partner would know that.

Jerry: What do you want, Mr. Morningstar?

Lucifer: To see the look on your face when you finally admit it was all a scam, a ploy to bilk desperate parents into falsely believing that you could fix their malevolent offspring.

Jerry: I did a lot of good for those kids.

Lucifer: So I was right about people not changing, just wrong about who.

Jerry: I warned Emily, but she wouldn’t listen to reason. It was her own fault.

Lucifer: What about the detective?

Jerry: She was just in my way, man. (He picks up a shotg*n and turns around to shoot Lucifer.) I’m not going back to jail! (But Lucifer has already gotten to the other side of him and surprises Jerry from behind. Lucifer knocks the g*n from Jerry’s hand and takes him by the throat.) (groans) (grunts) (choking)

Lucifer: Your punishment will be far worse than jail.

(With one hand, Lucifer throws Jerry to the other side of the dock. Jerry groans. Lucifer walks over, holds Jerry’s shirt in one hand, and punches him repeatedly with the other.)

Amenadiel: Lucifer, stop!

Jerry: (groans)

Amenadiel: You’re gonna k*ll him.

(guttural gasping)

Lucifer: So what? Once evil, always evil, right?!

Amenadiel: No, Luci. You’re not evil. You’re the Devil. You punish evil. Your words.

(groans, pants)

(indistinct female voice over P.A.)

(Chloe enters room with a get-well basket of goodies and tries not to wake Marcus.)

Marcus: (sighs) You gonna say hello, Decker, or just creep around the room?

Chloe: Sorry, Lieutenant. I didn’t know if you were sleeping or not. I wanted to say thank you for what you did.

Marcus: It’s just part of the job. It’s no big deal.

Chloe: No, it’s a huge deal. You saved my life. I’m so grateful.

Marcus: And you saved mine. We’re even.

Chloe: So have you ever been injured on the job before?

Marcus: (reflective) I’ve had a few scrapes. The possibility of death has never felt… so real before.

Chloe: Yeah. You know, when I was shot, I was completely freaked out. I kept thinking, like, how could it all end so suddenly? But the best thing I did was, I went back to work, and I just kept at it, you know? ‘Cause you really do realize life is so short. And you have to just live it while you can.

(Marcus nods but it seems like something else is going on with him.)

Chloe: Speaking of work, I-I should get back and, uh, finish up Blackcrow’s arrest sheet. Um, I-I don’t know if you heard, but he turned up half-beaten, hogtied in Malibu. Karma, I guess. Anyhow, thanks again for the… whole lifesaving thing.

Marcus: Couldn’t let anything happen to my best detective.

Chloe: So now I’m your best detective?

Marcus: I didn’t want you to get all full of yourself. I can see why Lucifer’s so affected by you. It’s because you’re special, Decker.

(They have a moment. Then Dan arrives and knocks on the open hospital room door.)

Dan: Hey, Chloe.

Chloe: Hi.

Dan: Uh, Lieutenant, I just wanted to say that, um, I hope you feel better soon.

Marcus: Thanks, Espinoza.

Dan: I also wanted to thank you for putting me up for the union rep position. Sorry, Chloe. I know you wanted that one, too. And I… I won’t let you down, sir.

Marcus: I know you won’t. You earned it, buddy.

Dan: (laughs)

Chloe: Congratulations.

Dan: Thanks.

(Dan leaves. Chloe looks at Marcus because of what he said about the union rep position being for has-beens. Marcus half-shrugs. Chloe taps the bed frame and leaves.)

(Lucifer and Amenadiel arrive via the elevator.)

Lucifer: So, my guardian angel, I think this calls for a celebration. I was lucky you turned up when you did. How did you find me, by the way?

Amenadiel: Location service on one of your dating apps.

Lucifer: (laughs)

Amenadiel: Maybe luck had nothing to do with when I showed up, Luci. Maybe Father wanted me there.

Lucifer: You give him way too much credit, Brother. (laughs)

Amenadiel: What’s so funny?

Lucifer: Well, nothing. It’s just, it took you walking a mile in my shoes to prove my point to me.

Amenadiel: Okay. And what point is that?

Lucifer: That I haven’t changed. Wings, no wings, unable to show my true face… it doesn’t matter. I’m exactly who I always was. A punisher. And for reminding me of that, I salute you.

Amenadiel: Oh, that’s very kind of you. But, you see, I don’t think it was the human that you were trying to punish today.

Lucifer: Well, who else would I be trying to punish?

Amenadiel: Yourself, Luci. For not being there for Chloe when she was in danger because you care about her deeply.

Lucifer: (scoffs)

Amenadiel: And if that truly is the case, then you really have changed from the old Lord of Hell. But this is good, Luci. This is so good. Because I’ve finally figured out how you are my test. You see, Father wants me to just… just be there for you. To have your back. Now that you’re evolving.

Lucifer: There was this, uh, soul that I used to t*rture back in Hell. And like a good masochist, he’d call the shots. “Burn me.” “Freeze me.” “Hurt me.” So, I did. And this went on for centuries until one day, for some reason, he missed his daily punishment. And when I returned… he was crying. “Please, my king,” he said. “Don’t ever forget me again. I promise I’ll be good.” It was then that I realized he was so full of self-loathing, void of any self-respect, that no matter the depth of my cruelty, whatever minuscule attention I paid… gave meaning to his… pointless existence.

Amenadiel: Why are you telling me this?

(Slowly Lucifer raises his eyes to meet Amenadiel’s.)

Lucifer: Because he reminds me of you. And you think I’ve changed? You… the former angel, powerless and pathetic, a disgraced failure with no better way to spend your days than yipping at my heels for scraps to remind you of a time when you once mattered.

Amenadiel: Hmm. (calmly) I know what you’re doing. And you can k*ll the messenger if you must. But just know that I am here for you.

(Amenadiel leaves Lucifer standing there shaken, and then angrily he throws his shot glass into a mirror, fracturing it and reflecting back Lucifer’s image in pieces.)

Lucifer: (yells)