S3 Ep05: Welcome Back, Charlotte Richards

(Nighttime at a security desk. A security guard is enthusiastically eating pudding from a cup.)

Lalo: Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. (Chuckles) Mmm! (Chuckles)

(Doorbell buzzes)

Lalo: Mmm, mmm. Mmm? Mmm! (Chuckles to himself then notices someone has walked into the lobby.)

Lalo: Simon. Working late, huh?

Simon: Orders went up again. Got to make another batch.

Lalo: Hmm.

Simon: If you don’t eat it all first, Lalo. (Touches his face to indicate Lalo has something on his face.)

Lalo: (Chuckles) Have fun cooking.

(Footsteps echo. Simon pushes a cart of large ingredient bins into a production room. He wears a lab coat, hair net, and gloves. He climbs stairs to a catwalk where he works over a large boiling vat of white pudding. He adds ingredients and checks the mixture’s temperature. Then he thinks he hears something.)

Simon: Hello? Somebody there?

(Lalo comes into the room to see an alarm warning flashing on screen. He runs to the production room.)

(Alert blaring. Alert blaring louder. Lalo climbs to the catwalk, looks over the edge, and sees Simon floating face-down in the vat of boiling pudding.)

Trixie: Oh, hell.

Chloe: Trixie.

Trixie: But, Mom, I lost Wonder Woman’s lasso!

Chloe: No excuses. (She holds up a swear jar with money in it.) You know the rules.

Lucifer: (Comes in the front door without knocking.) Ah, good morning, Detective. Child. Your text said to meet you here.

Chloe: Yeah, I don’t think it said to barge in like you own the place.

Lucifer: (Chuckles)

Chloe: Anyhow, Pierce called from the hospital. Because apparently he never stops working. But we have a new case.

Lucifer: What, “The Case of the Missing Bedpan”? Riveting.

Chloe: No, an actual case. So, let’s get moving. (She puts the swear jar down on the counter.)

Lucifer: Ah. Well, hello. “Swear Jar”?

Chloe: Oh, yes. Trixie’s…

Lucifer: You give your child money every time she swears? Oh, bravo, Detective.

Chloe: No, no, no. She pays for every bad word she says.

Lucifer: Ah, well, then I’m even more impressed.

Chloe: Really? Thank you, Lucifer.

Lucifer: Impressed that you extort money from your offspring.

Lucifer: (Laughs) I mean, what a ridiculous idea. “Bad” words. Determined by a set of arbitrary rules. Just like my Father’s. Here, child. (Hands a number of bills to Trixie.) This should buy you plenty of juicy words. You swear away.

Chloe: (She rushes over and takes the money from Trixie.) Here, Trixie. I am trying to get her to stop swearing and teach her accountability. Ever heard of it?

Lucifer: (Takes the money out of Chloe’s hand.) Yes, I have, actually, and I happen to think accountability is overrated. I mean, take your almost getting shot at the ranch. At first, I felt bad I wasn’t there to protect you. Eh, what? (Chloe pulls Lucifer away from Trixie’s earshot.)

Chloe: (Clears throat. Sighs. Whispering.) You shouldn’t have felt bad.

Lucifer: Exactly. Because accountability is overrated.

Chloe: No, because you don’t need to protect me. And it wasn’t your fault, to begin with.

Lucifer: You’re right. It was my Dad’s fault.

Chloe: Oh… what?

Lucifer: I mean, I’m sure it was Him manipulating things like He always does. Try to teach me a lesson about responsibility or some nonsense like that.

Chloe: Right, because that makes more sense than someone sh**ting at me because I was about to arrest him.

Lucifer: I know! And I am so over Him getting in my head, so, as of today, I have decided I shall no longer be affected by my Father’s shenanigans.

Chloe: Really? Why do I doubt that?

Lucifer: But…

Chloe: (Walking into the other room to get ready to go.) Trixie, money in the jar, then off to school. (She goes into another room.)

Lucifer: (To Trixie, who is about to put money in the swear jar.) Uh, child, before you do that…

(Scene ends here.)

(The vat where Simon died has now been drained, and Simon’s body lies at the bottom. Ella is next to him collecting evidence. Dan, Lucifer, and Chloe are watching from above on the catwalk.)

Ella: Oy vay. Someone forgot to exfoliate.

Dan: Victim’s name is Simon Fisher, 42. Senior food chemist for Performance Pudding Plus.

Lucifer: And apparently a very clumsy one.

Chloe: This wasn’t an accident. The irregular scuff marks, those indicate a struggle. Ella’s working on cause of death.

Lucifer: Well, he obviously drowned in this vat of semen. (Chuckles)

Chloe: It’s pudding, Lucifer.

Lucifer: Sure, I’ve heard it called that, too.

Ella: Poor dude didn’t drown. And, aside from his Freddy Krueger makeover, no other wounds, so, my money’s on death by scalding.

Lucifer: Oh.

Ella: Can’t be sure, though, until we get him cleaned up and autopsied.

Lucifer: Well, I’m sure our resident pudding fan must be loving this.

Dan: Don’t even joke, man. Pudding Plus is my favorite, okay? Twice as much protein as all the other brands.

Lucifer: Now with twice as much dead guy.

Chloe: Who found the body?

Lalo: I feel terrible. If only I hadn’t been in the bathroom so long, maybe I would have heard something, seen something. Maybe I could have prevented this.

Lucifer: (Looks at all the security cameras.) Quite a lot of security just for pudding.

Lalo: It’s big business. Thanks to the secret recipe that Simon created. Can’t just let anyone peek behind the curtain.

Lucifer: Right.

Chloe: Well, we need to. So, can you give us the access to your security footage?

Lalo: That’s above my pay grade. You’d have to talk to the big man upstairs.

Lucifer: God?

Lalo: Uh, no. The company’s owner.

Lucifer: Oh. Right. (Chuckles)

Chloe: His boss.

(Dan is peering into the mini fridge and looking at a number of cups of pudding.)

Dan: How can I even eat this after what I’ve seen? Is someone trying to tell me something?

Lucifer: Well, if He is, don’t let Him inside your head. Learn from my mistakes, Daniel.

Chloe: (She’s walking towards the conference room. )Lucifer.

Lucifer: Yeah? (He follows her.)

Chloe: Adrian Yates, the CEO of Pudding Plus, is in the conference room. He brought his security tapes.

Lucifer: Oh, excellent. Who says solving murders can’t be easy?

Chloe: Mr. Yates, thank you for coming. Your security footage will be incredibly helpful. Did you bring the tapes?

Adrian: Sorry, but no.

Chloe: What? Why not?

(A female voice speaks from behind them. They turn to see Charlotte Richards enter the room.)

Charlotte: Because I told him not to. I’m Mr. Yates’ attorney and the LAPD isn’t laying a finger on those tapes.

Lucifer: Mum?

(Distant siren wailing. Alarm clock buzzing. Charlotte sits up and sighs. She runs on a treadmill. While putting on makeup, she stops and seems to struggle with her thoughts. )

Charlotte: (Talking to herself in the mirror.) You are not crazy. No one knows you can’t remember the last few months. You will pretend that you do. Own it. (Sighs) You will not… (Chuckles) not give them a reason to put you in a padded cell.

Charlotte: You look surprised to see me.

Chloe: Charlotte, we… just didn’t expect to see you so soon. Thought your brush with death might have changed you.

(Briefcase pops)

Lucifer: It has. Hasn’t it? Back to being Charlotte Richards? Right? Why are you here?

Charlotte: Apparently, someone was trying to speak to my client without counsel. I am here to inform you that a stunt like that won’t stand, nor will your request for any security footage.

Charlotte: We just wanted Mr. Yates’ help. A friendly conversation, but this makes it seem like you’re hiding something.

Lucifer: Yes. An ulterior motive for being here, perhaps?

Charlotte: Excuse me?

Lucifer: It’s awfully curious timing, you back in my life with everything that’s happening. (Chuckles) This is about me, isn’t it?

Charlotte: If this was a social visit, you would most certainly know. And what we’re hiding is Pudding Plus’ proprietary recipe. Releasing those tapes would reveal how their pudding is made, committing their secret formula to public record, which could cost the company millions.

Mr. Yates: Besides, the k*ller’s not on any of the footage anyway.

Charlotte: Mr. Yates, it’s best if I do the talking.

Mr. Yates: But all that you can see is that there’s some sort of scuffle out of frame. The k*ller’s not visible from any of the angles.

Chloe: Okay, so, see, that there. That’s a clue. That means the k*ller knew how to avoid the cameras. This could be an inside job. Who-who has access to the lab? I’m assuming you’re at the top of that list.

Charlotte: All right, Detective, you can stop right there. Mr. Yates, not a word. We’re done here.

Lucifer: But (Chuckles) I’m not done with you.

Charlotte: Which part of my briefcase closing do you not understand?

(Charlotte and Mr. Yates stand, leaving Lucifer bewildered.)

Ella: Uh… Still waiting for Pudding Man’s autopsy. Cleaning that tasty treat off a boiled corpse… Tougher than you’d imagine.

Dan: I’d rather not imagine, actually.

(Ella sees Charlotte has come into the room talking to someone, but she is behind Dan, who can’t see her. Ella tries to get Dan to leave so he doesn’t have to deal with Charlotte.)

Charlotte: Adrian, I’m telling…

Ella: Oh, hey, let’s go somewhere that’s not here, like… over there. I hear over there is really nice.

(Dan sees Ella looking behind him; he turns and sees Charlotte, gets up, clears his throat, and stands to talk to Charlotte, who is now walking by him.)

Dan: Hi.

Charlotte: Hello.

(Charlotte simply walks by him and leaves. Dan sighs. We see that Charlotte knows something is going on between her and Dan, and she’s concerned, but she doesn’t know what it is.)

Dan: Did you see that?

(Ella pats Dan on the shoulder and leaves just as Lucifer walks up behind Dan.)

Dan: She barely even looked at me. It’s like she’s a completely different person.

Lucifer: Yes, very perceptive, Daniel. What worries me is… Why is she here? What’s her angle?

Dan: Dude, I cannot deal with your weirdness right now.

Lucifer: Yeah.

(Lucifer is distracted looking at his phone as he and Chloe walk by a trailer.)

Chloe: So, I found seven Pudding Plus employees with keycard access to the lab. Unfortunately, all seven, including Adrian Yates, have solid alibis.

Lucifer: You don’t say.

Chloe: But I did find one other person with a keycard, an old one… Adrian’s former business partner, Grace Foley. She left the company two years ago to start her own rival pudding company, Heavenly Pudding.

Lucifer: Fascinating.

Chloe: Yeah, they’re sh**ting their ad campaign here on Stage 69. Should be just past the creepy flasher.

Lucifer: That’s nice.

Chloe: Lucifer, I know you’re not listening to me. Creepy flasher? Stage 69?

Lucifer: 69? What… where?

(They are now inside a hallway inside the building.)

Chloe: I reversed the numbers to get your attention. And what is so important on your phone?

Lucifer: I’m trying to reach Charlotte Richards. She won’t answer my calls or respond to my texts.

Chloe: Why are you so obsessed with your stepmom?

Lucifer: I need to talk to her, get to the bottom of why she’s returned.

Chloe: Well, to represent her client. That’s why.

Lucifer: (Sighs) No, no. It has to be more than that. I mean, right when I’m dealing with… with complications my Father’s thrown my way? No, her return has to be another one of His grenades.

Chloe: Well, I thought you were done being affected by your father’s “shenanigans,” over him “getting in your head.”

Lucifer: You’re right. I did say that, didn’t I?

Chloe: Yes.

Lucifer: Okay. Okay, fine. I am not thinking about Dad. Not thinking about Charlotte. It’s not working. Why is it not working?

Chloe: Maybe you need a distraction. Something else to focus on.

(Just then, a beautiful woman wearing a white bikini and flowy robe walks by them.)

Lucifer: Detective. You have never been more right.

(Lucifer follows the woman who smiles at him.)

Chloe: But… No, I meant the ca… To focus on the case.

(In the next room, a sound studio, the woman drops her robe, an assistant puts white angel wings on her, and she proceeds to join other women dressed as angels on stage. Photographer speaking indistinctly)

Photographer: That’s it.

Chloe: What the…?

Lucifer: Not at all accurate, but… I approve.

Lucifer: Unless Dad has something to do with this as well. Ugh! So conflicted, but… can’t look away. (Exhales)

(Filming of Heavenly Pudding commercial continues.)

Grace: No! No, no, no, no! More! More! Oh, come on. I need more pudding! More. I want pudding everywhere. This is a pudding commercial. I can’t sell the pudding if I can’t see the pudding. And I want more pudding in… what’s her name… Blondie’s mouth. I don’t care if she can’t breathe. Go, now.

Chloe: Excuse me.

Grace: Geez.

Chloe: Grace Foley?

Grace: Wha… why are your clothes still on?

Lucifer: I ask myself that all the time.

Chloe: LAPD. We have some questions for you.

(A few minutes later on the side of the set.)

Chloe: How well did you know Mr. Fisher?

Grace: Simon? I’d been trying to poach that genius ever since I started my own company.

Lucifer: Then what? You got tired of him rejecting you, so you snuck into his lab and…

(Just then, one of the woman/angels walks by licking pudding from her hand.)

Lucifer: ..licked the pudding off every inch of his beautiful… (happily chuckles)

Chloe: Please. (Inhales)

Lucifer: You… sorry.

Grace: You think I k*lled him?

Chloe: Vengeance, corporate sabotage, all in one fell swoop? It makes sense.

Grace: (Laughing) Okay. Even if I did k*ll him, which I did not, you really think I’m dumb enough to admit it? Especially without my lawyer present? Speaking of, let’s get her down here, shall we?

(Chloe nudges Lucifer, who is distracted by a beautiful woman near him.)

Lucifer: What?

Chloe: She wants her lawyer here.

Lucifer: So?

Chloe: So, maybe you should find out what she desires more?

Lucifer: Oh, you want me to…

Chloe: Just, yes.

Lucifer: Okay, then. Why didn’t you just ask? Ms. Foley.

Grace: Personal space. Ever heard of it?

Lucifer: You don’t want to call your lawyer, do you?

Grace: What are you doing?

Lucifer: Come on, tell me what you really want. What’s your greatest desire?

Grace: My greatest desire… is to… stop sh**ting this exploitative garbage.

Lucifer: Garbage? What are you talking about? What you’re doing is art.

Chloe: Is it, though?

Lucifer: Well, despite the unwelcome reminder of Dad and my wings, I’ve never wanted pudding more in my life.

Grace: Exactly. Because we’re selling s*x… Which has absolutely nothing to do with pudding… To distract people from the fact that my pudding tastes like crap.

Lucifer: Ooh, that’s an odd choice of flavors.

Chloe: Well, even more motive for you to sneak into the lab, steal the secret recipe. What? Did Simon just get in your way?

Grace: I didn’t need to steal their recipe. Simon offered to sell it to me three days ago.

Chloe: What?

Grace: But then, before I could agree to his terms, he was m*rder*d and not by me. More than anyone, I needed Simon alive.

(A couple minutes later, Lucifer and Chloe are talking about the case. Bell rings)

Chloe: If Simon was selling the secret recipe, then this may not be about corporate sabotage as much as corporate espionage. If Adrian found out, he’d want to stop Simon and…

(Lucifer is not listening to Chloe. He has walked over to talk to one of the women/angels.)

Lucifer: Hello.

Angel: Hi again.

Lucifer: What’s your name?

Chloe: Ugh.

(Model speaks indistinctly. Chloe scoffs.)

Lucifer: Really?

Angel: Good to see you.

Lucifer: You, too. It suits you, that name, doesn’t it?

(Lucifer speaking indistinctly. Chloe sees the man in a trench coat that she saw earlier. She thinks about something.)

Lucifer: (Laughing) Really? Can I?

Chloe: Lucifer. Can you come here? One moment.

Lucifer: Yes?

Chloe: So, I’m gonna ask Grace a follow-up. Why don’t you take your new friend and escort her back to her trailer?

Lucifer: Her trailer? Are you suggesting…? (Chloe nods.) Who are you and what have you done with the detective?

Chloe: (Takes off her jacket and hands it to Lucifer.) Put this on her. She looks cold.

Lucifer: Copy that. (He takes the jacket over to the angel.) Darling, would you like to take five in the trailers?

(Lucifer is talking to the angel as he walks her to her trailer.)

Lucifer: And that’s really why I just need to speak to the woman whose body once housed my mother’s soul. I don’t believe it. He’s doing it again, isn’t He?

Angel: Who?

Lucifer: Dad. He’s in my head, ruining this moment that you and I could be having. I do apologize.

(The man in a trench coat is following Lucifer; Chloe is behind, following the man.)

Chloe: LAPD. Don’t move. Let me guess. You work for Adrian Yates.

The Fixer: Think you’ve got me confused with somebody else, lady.

Chloe: I don’t think I do. Saw you watching us earlier.

Lucifer: Detective, what’s happening?

Chloe: Sometimes big corporations, they have fixers on their payroll to prevent corporate espionage.

Lucifer: Or clever detectives from learning about said espionage.

The Fixer: I’m not saying anything more without my lawyer.

Lucifer: Ah, wonderful. Well, if he works for Yates, that means his lawyer is Charlotte Richards, right?

(Chloe is annoyed that Lucifer is still obsessing over Charlotte Richards.)

(Dan is sitting in the lobby, waiting. Charlotte walks up to the woman at reception, who points her toward Dan.)

Charlotte: You said there was someone to see me. Oh. (She walks over to Dan.) I’m sorry to keep you waiting. Is there something I can help you with?

Dan: Yeah. Answers. What’s with the cold shoulder, Charlotte? Not just back at the precinct, but my calls… You haven’t returned any of them.

Charlotte: I’m sorry. I’ve been incredibly busy.

Dan: All that time, what did you think we were?

Charlotte: What did you think we were?

Dan: (Scoffs)

I have no freakin’ clue. I… You seduce me. You hack into my phone. You become a suspect in a case. You tell me I’m your-your favorite human, whatever that means. You almost die, and then you ghost me for weeks. Nothing about any of that makes any sense to me.

Charlotte: I’m sorry, Detective Espinoza. Dan. It doesn’t make any sense to me either.

Dan: Whether you understand it or not, you don’t just pretend like it… never happened. You know what, I’m just… I’m gonna let it go. I’m gonna let Lucifer deal with you, because he’s the only one who ever really… I guess, understood what you were up to anyways. (He turns and walks towards the exit.)

Charlotte: So, Lucifer and I were close?

Dan: Oh, in ways that I’ll never understand.

(Elevator bell dings. Chloe and Lucifer enter the upper level staircase above the main squad room floor. Chloe is on the phone.)

Chloe: Yes, I-I completely understand, and I will definitely talk to Trixie. This won’t happen again. Thanks. (She gets off the call then talks to Lucifer.) That was Trixie’s school calling. Apparently, she’s been using some very creative language today.

Lucifer: Oh. Do tell.

Chloe: Well, she called her math homework a “cluster duck” and her teacher a “mother flunker.”

Lucifer: Did she not call anyone a “sock sucker”? (Chuckles) What? It’s just someone who sucks socks. (Chuckles)

Chloe: I can’t believe you’re teaching my daughter loophole swear words.

Lucifer: In my defense, “mother flunker” was entirely the little deviant’s creation. And very clever of her, I might add.

Chloe: That’s not the point. I’m trying to teach my child a lesson, and you just made my job that much more difficult.

Lucifer: You parents, always with your lessons. Or as I like to call them, mind games. Well, I’m about to get to the bottom of my Father’s latest.

(Lucifer bursts through the double doors of the interview room.)

Lucifer: It’s Charlotte time! (Sitting at the table is the suspect and a middle-aged balding man.) You’re not Charlotte.

Larry: And yet people get us confused, like, all the time. (Chuckles) Hi. Larry. Charlotte is busy at the moment, so Richards and Wheeler sent me.

Lucifer: (Sighs) Mother flunker. (He walks out of the room.)

Chloe: Where are you going?

Lucifer: Well, I only came to see Charlotte. Besides, having me here would just make your job “that much more difficult,” wouldn’t it?

(Siren wailing in the distance)

(Lucifer enters and goes towards the bar to get a drink when he notices a woman standing on the balcony looking out over the city.)

Lucifer: Well, hello. (The woman turns around. It’s Charlotte dressed in a s*xy silk dress.) What… what are you doing here?

Lucifer: (Chuckles) I knew it. You are back for a reason, aren’t you? Hmm? Hey? Come on, tell me. Why are you here?

(Charlotte moves close to Lucifer and reaches out and passionately kisses him.)

(Charlotte moans. Lucifer is shocked, then pulls away.)

Lucifer: What in Dad’s name are you doing?!

Charlotte: (Chuckles) Don’t pretend you didn’t like that.

Lucifer: Well, I most certainly did not.

Charlotte: Lucifer, I know we were close.

Lucifer: Not that close.

Charlotte: Oh, no sense in being coy. We’re all alone here. Mm!

(He is backing away from her; she is pursuing. She kisses him again. He is pushed back against the piano. Discordant notes. Then half climbs over the piano top to get away from her.)

Lucifer: (Muffled protesting) No, no, no, no, no! No!

Charlotte: I… (Chuckles) I don’t understand. You couldn’t keep your eyes off me at the precinct. Your desperate messages, needing to see me. D-Detective Espinoza… heartbroken because we were close. For the f… first time since I woke up on that beach, I thought, “Finally, something that makes sense. Of course I’m sleeping with Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome.” Uh… uh… But now you’re saying that’s not… not even that’s the case?

Lucifer: (Pouring himself a drink.) Look, I can assure you that you and I have not or will not ever, ever, ever… sleep together.

Charlotte: Well, if not lovers, then what were we, friends?

Lucifer: More like… (Panting) family.

Charlotte: (Sobs) I can’t ta… can’t take this anymore. (Exhales) (Sighs) I’m… I’m missing time. Months… and months of time. It’s like… someone else was living my life. Ruining it. My work… my relationships, my… my family. I have no idea… why my husband got custody of the kids. Or why I’ve been… denied visitation rights. But ever since I woke up on that beach… I’ve been pretending… like I remember it all, (Laughs) because otherwise everyone would think that… that I’m crazy. Maybe I am.

Lucifer: (Handing her a drink.) You’re not crazy. (Sighs) You’re just an innocent, aren’t you? Caught up in a game not of your own.

Charlotte: Oh, believe me, I’m not innocent. (Exhales) But I don’t think I deserve…

Lucifer: What?

Charlotte: In my m… my missing time… it feels like I was… trapped… in some… horrible nightmare, reliving it over and over and… over again. (Lucifer realizes what she’s really talking about.) It feels almost like I was in…

Lucifer: Hell?

Charlotte: (Laughs softly) Now you probably think I’m crazy, too.

Lucifer: Do you realize who you’re talking to?

Charlotte: Right. Lucifer. (Chuckles, sniffles) The Devil. Yeah, well, if you believe me, then you’re just as crazy as I am.

Lucifer: Or perhaps you knew exactly where you were.

Charlotte: Why would I go to Hell? It’s not like I’m a bad person. I work hard. Pay my taxes. Don’t hurt anyone. (Chuckles softly)

Lucifer: Well, perhaps you feel more guilt than you realize.

Charlotte: Well, on the ridiculous… off chance that Hell actually is possible… how do I make sure I never go back?

Lucifer: (Chuckles) Well, uh, this is your second chance, correct? So perhaps avoid doing devious and dastardly things from now on. I mean, it’s boring, I know. (Chuckles softly)

Charlotte: Does… knowingly impeding a homicide investigation count?

Lucifer: Oh.

(Dan is standing and eating pudding from a cup while Ella works on something on the table.)

Dan: Uh… Why does stuff like this always happen to me?

Ella: Because you are a softie, Dan… it’s one of the many things I love about you.

Dan: No, what I am is a dummy. She acts like I barely exist, so what do I do? I go to her office to get rejected again.

Ella: You’re being too hard on yourself. And eating your emotions? I thought you were giving that stuff up.

Dan: I can’t just quit cold turkey, Ella. Not at a time like this.

Ella: Hey, it could always be worse. You could end up like our vic here. Guess what his autopsy found. Couple of kidney stones the size of golf ba*ls.

Dan: Ouch.

Ella: Dude was suffering from intense renal failure. I mean, even he hadn’t been pudding’d alive, he would have died within days from urinary sepsis.

Dan: What are the odds, two horrible ways of dying hitting the same person around the same time?

Ella: That’s a good point. What are the odds?

(Chloe is interviewing The Fixer and his lawyer.)

Chloe: It says here that Pudding Plus employs you to handle their corporate security. And I know that Simon Fisher compromised that security by trying to sell your company’s most valuable secret to the other side.

The Fixer: So?

Chloe: So… would you consider Mr. Fisher “handled”?

Larry: My client doesn’t need to respond to that.

Chloe: You’re right. I guess we’ll just leave it to a jury.

The Fixer: There is no “other side.”

Chloe: Excuse me?

The Fixer: I guess Grace forgot to mention, as of a month ago, Pudding Plus and Heavenly Pudding decided to merge. (To his lawyer.) Tell her.

Larry: It’s true. And also not illegal… Last time I checked. Richards and Wheeler are representing the merged company.

The Fixer: So whatever threat Fisher posed by selling his recipe to the “other side,” gone. No motive for m*rder.

Chloe: Then why were you following me?

The Fixer: I didn’t know where your investigation was going. Couldn’t let Fisher’s death threaten the merger. Do you know how much money is in pudding?

(Door opens. An officer enters.)

Officer: Detective. You’re needed in the conference room.

Lucifer: Ah. Detective, look who I found. And she comes bearing gifts.

Charlotte: The security footage you requested.

Chloe: Why are you handing this over now? You seemed so opposed to it earlier.

Charlotte: Well, it’s recently come to my attention that I need to make a change. So I’m trying to do what’s right. If I can prove my client is innocent and help you find your k*ller… clean conscience, here I come.

(Chloe takes the thumb drive to a computer. Lucifer and Charlotte exchanged knowing looks.)

Chloe: Huh.

(Chloe plays the video on a large TV screen. Dan is still eating pudding. Ella is also watching.)

Chloe: You can’t see the k*ller here.

Charlotte: Just as my client said.

Chloe: All this video shows is what we already know… That someone familiar with the cameras went into this room and pushed Simon into the vat.

(Ella, curious, steps closer to the screen to get a better look.)

Dan: Yeah, but everyone with access had alibis.

Lucifer: Oh, you’re not suggesting a m*rder*r actually lied about where they were? Daniel. (Lucifer touches his face to indicate Dan has pudding on his. Dan wipes at his face.)

Dan: We double-checked them, okay? They’re all pretty ironclad.

(Ella looking back and forth between Dan eating pudding and the still image on the TV screen.)

Ella: Hmm. Oh, my gosh. Of course. What?

(Ella knocks the pudding out of Dan’s hand. )

Dan: What the hell, Ella?

Ella: You’re welcome. I just saved your life. Check it out. Two other secret ingredients, right? Melamine and cyanuric acid. Separate, both are harmless. But when combined, they create a hard-to-detect toxin that, over time, can cause… Drumroll, please… Renal failure.

Dan: The kidney stones you found.

Ella: Yeah. Looks like the “plus” in Pudding Plus… is poison.

Dan: Poisonous pudding? Are you kidding me?

Chloe: So, Simon must have gotten sick from his constant exposure to it?

Lucifer: Well, what kind of idiot would intentionally put poison in their own product?

Ella: These two chemicals have been known to fake the appearance of a higher protein content.

Dan: Which is Pudding Plus’ biggest selling point.

Chloe: But wouldn’t people eventually realize that it’s poisonous? I mean, the company would lose everything.

Charlotte: Not necessarily. If you have hundreds of millions of dollars, and you get sued for a couple of million, you still have hundreds of millions of dollars.

Chloe: But people die.

Charlotte: Yeah, well, it’s the same calculation the car manufacturers make when they find out they have faulty airbags. Which costs them less, recalling the car or enduring the lawsuits?

Ella: Yeah, but why would Simon try to sell the formula to Grace if it was k*lling him?

Chloe: Unless he didn’t. Maybe when he found out what he created, he was just trying to stop it.

Lucifer: And who better to expose Pudding Plus’ dirty secret than their biggest competitor?

Charlotte: But Simon didn’t know. The two companies were merging. Soon they won’t be in competition.

Dan: Suddenly, everyone has a motive to keep Simon quiet.

Charlotte: Adrian, Grace and the fixer. Three potential K*llers.

Lucifer: And as the merged company’s counsel… you represent all of them.

(Charlotte realizes the implications of representing a killer and runs out of the room.)

(Lucifer is following Charlotte.)

Lucifer: Charlotte, where are you going?

Charlotte: To join the Peace Corps or donate my entire savings to an orphanage or build a shelter for blind, one-legged puppies.

Lucifer: Well, as long as you’re not being overdramatic.

Charlotte: I thought delivering those tapes would help clear my ledger. But instead, it just revealed that I’ve been defending three guilty people?

Lucifer: Uh…

Charlotte: If that’s true, how guilty does that make me? (Exhales)

(Charlotte gets into the elevator but before the doors can close, Ella puts her hand between them and the doors open.)

Charlotte: This isn’t a good time.

Ella: I know how you’ve been treating Dan. Okay? And I want you to know that I got his back.

Charlotte: What’s that mean?

Ella: I used to see a light in you. But now, I don’t know, something’s different. All I see now… is darkness.

(Ella motions with her hand to her eyes and then at Charlotte to say, “I’m watching you.”)

(Lucifer enters as Chloe is working at her desk.)

Chloe: Oh, there you are. Where’d you run off to?

Lucifer: Just needed to clear my head. Do you think Charlotte will be all right?

Chloe: Yeah.

Why wouldn’t she be? That woman’s like a rock. Like a very mean, scary, hot, well-dressed rock.

Lucifer: Yes, well… you’d be surprised, Detective.

Chloe: Okay. Well, now that we know all three suspects have the same motive… money… I looked into the company’s financials to see who had the most to lose if the merger failed. And get this… It’s none of our three.

(Lucifer and Chloe are interviewing Lalo.)

Lalo: You really think I k*lled Simon?

Chloe: Lalo, we know you stood to gain hundreds of thousands of dollars in vested stock options once those two pudding companies merged.

Lucifer: That’s a lot of money. For you. Obviously. But, uh, it all would have disappeared had Simon revealed the truth behind his illness.

Lalo: You… you mean Simon really was sick?

Chloe: You knew about that?

Lalo: Sure. He said he was gonna die. But I didn’t take it seriously. He said a lot of things that night.

Chloe: What night?

Lalo: About a month ago, we went out drinking. Simon got wasted. He started going off about how Mr. Yates wasn’t listening to him, and that people were gonna suffer for it. He said something about how it was his own fault. Simon said that… maybe he should just end it.

Lucifer: End what?

Lalo: His life.

Lucifer: Huh.

Lalo: I had no idea what he was talking about.

Chloe: And you didn’t think to tell us this sooner? Like when he showed up dead?

Lalo: A bunch of drunken nonsense? It’s not like he jumped into that vat. I mean… boiling pudding? There’s easier ways to go.

Chloe: But none so revealing.

Lucifer: What?

Chloe: What if this was Simon’s Hail Mary? A way to expose the truth that he felt so guilty about.

Lucifer: Oh, so you think the man actually k*lled himself to lead us to the toxin?

Chloe: Well, if he did, it worked.

Dan: The suicide version’s looking more and more likely. Day before his death, Simon changed his will. He donated all his possessions to charity. He even gave away his pet turtle.

Chloe: Huh. And the scuff marks on the platform… He must have faked a struggle to make it look like a homicide.

Dan: To keep us investigating the companies.

Woman: Hello, Charlotte Richards’ office.

(A little ways away, Lucifer calls Charlotte.)

Lucifer: Charlotte, good news. It was a suicide. So no need to worry. You won’t be representing any murderers.

Voice on Phone: Charlotte just left. She went to meet some clients.

Lucifer: Why do I get the feeling Charlotte’s about to do something very stupid?

(The Fixer, Mr. Yates, and Grace are waiting as Charlotte arrives.)

Grace: So, what’s this about? Why the last-minute meeting?

The Fixer: Yeah, and why here?

Mr. Yates: Didn’t we agree to delay merger talk until after the LAPD ends their investigation?

Charlotte: We did. This meeting is about other business. Personal business.

Grace: What the hell does that mean?

Charlotte: No one’s leaving here until I figure out which one of you m*rder*d Simon Fisher.

(Charlotte takes out a hand g*n and puts it on the table.)

Charlotte: Um… So, a funny thing happened a couple of months ago. I sort of died. And apparently there’s a chance I went to Hell. Oh, I know. I was… I was as shocked as you are.

(She picks up the g*n and starts walking around the table.)

Charlotte: I’m feeling much better now. Thanks for asking. (Chuckles) Though there might be a slight chance that I’m having a nervous breakdown as we speak. Anyhow… I’ve had some time to think, and I’m pretty sure that my sin was a lifetime of defending known criminals and murderers. Apparently nobody bothered to tell me that all the blood that they shed is on my hands, too. (Chuckles nervously) Now, here I am with a second chance, and one of you… is screwing it up. So, speak. Which one of you k*lled Simon?

Mr. Yates: Charlotte, none of us did it.

Grace: He’s right.

Charlotte: No, I know that Simon was about to blow the whistle on your little secret. So one of you must have done it.

(Lucifer arrives at the pudding factory looking for Charlotte.)

The Fixer: Why are we still sitting here? I’m done listening to this crazy b*tch.

Charlotte: Sit down!

The Fixer: Why don’t you make me?

(Charlotte fires a warning shot next to him. Lucifer hears the shot and runs towards the sound.)

Lucifer: That can’t be good.

The Fixer: What the hell? You could have shot me.

Charlotte: Very easily. Now sit.

The Fixer: Look, lady, all I did was intimidate Simon. And I stopped as soon as Adrian called me off. I was just doing what he paid me to do.

Mr. Yates: W-We didn’t need to k*ll Simon. We kept him quiet.

Grace: A-And just sped up the merger.

Mr. Yates: We were all set to make record profits despite Simon’s nitpicky safety concerns.

Grace: Yeah. Why would we go k*ll him after all of that?

Charlotte: Well, I don’t know. Loose ends, maybe? I’m gonna make this right one way or another.

(Lucifer arrives.)

Lucifer: Charlotte. Wait.

Charlotte: Lucifer?

Lucifer: They’re telling the truth. None of these scoundrels k*lled Simon. He k*lled himself. A dying man’s plan to expose the company and its crimes.

Charlotte: (Scoffs) That doesn’t make any sense.

Lucifer: Charlotte… they’re innocent.

Charlotte: No. No, they’re not.

Lucifer: Did you not hear what I just said?

Charlotte: Oh, I heard. So they didn’t k*ll Simon. What about everybody who eats their stupid pudding? They all knew their product was poisonous. Innocent people are gonna die because of them. I’ve lived my life finding loopholes, ways of evading responsibility for my clients. Myself. Turns out… there are no loopholes. If you’re guilty, you’re guilty.

Lucifer: I understand that you want to clear the red from your ledger. But believe me, Charlotte, this is not the way to do it.

Charlotte: Then what am I supposed to do? I can’t go… I can’t go back there. Can’t.

Lucifer: Then here’s what you need to do, Charlotte. Trust me.

(He reaches out his hand. Charlotte softens, then gives him the g*n.)

Lucifer: Thank you.

Charlotte: What about them?

Lucifer: Well… whilst I was lurking in the shadows, they said quite a few incriminating things.

(Lucifer pulls out his cell phone that is already on and recording.)

Lucifer: Detective, was that enough for a proper perp walk of shame?

Chloe: Yep, plenty.

(A little while later, Mr. Yates, Grace, and The FIxer are being led away in cuffs.)

Chloe: FBI’s gonna have a field day with these recorded confessions. You may not have pushed Simon to his death, but you’ll pay for your role in poisoning him.

Chloe: Nice win, partner.

Lucifer: Thank you very much. I’m just surprised you let me enter the factory first.

Chloe: Oh, I figured it was your turn to get shot at.

Lucifer: Oh. (Chuckles)

Chloe: You know, you were right about Charlotte. There’s more to her than I thought. The things she said…

Lucifer: Sounded loony?

Chloe: No. Sounded like somebody wrestling with their demons.

(Dan walks up to Charlotte, who is waiting on the side of the room.)

Dan: I couldn’t help but overhear what you said back there. Sounds like you’re… going through a lot. I’m sorry you’re struggling.

Charlotte: You’re right. (Chuckles) I am going through a lot. But that’s no excuse for how I’ve treated you.

Chloe: Well, I appreciate that.

Charlotte: Maybe we could meet for coffee sometime.

Dan: Maybe.

Lucifer: Hope I’m not interrupting anything, Daniel. Charlotte, ready for that ride home?

(Charlotte sighs and leaves with Lucifer.)

Chloe: Trixie, can you come out here?

Trixie: Hi, Mommy.

Chloe: Monkey, I want to talk to you about what happened today at school. Did you tell Miss Morgan to “go to shell”?

Trixie: I didn’t technically break any rules.

(Trixie sighs and reaches in her pocket to put money in the swear jar. Chloe stops her.)

Chloe: You know what? Lucifer was right. The swear jar, it’s… It’s a dumb idea. Mommy gave you a bunch of rules without explaining things. The real reason that we shouldn’t swear is that bad words make people feel bad. And I know you don’t want to make people feel bad, right? ‘Cause the truth is if you go looking for loopholes, you’ll always find them. And I can’t force you to do the right thing. You’ll just have to learn that on your own. So no more swear jar. Okay?

Trixie: So does that mean I get my money back?

Chloe: Nice try.

(Chloe and Trixie hug.)

Charlotte: Would you like to come in?

Lucifer: You’re not gonna pounce on me again, are you?

Charlotte: Because that was a smashing success last time. Come in, scaredy-cat. After today, I need wine stat. This whole “being good” thing? Tougher than I thought.

Lucifer: It’s a nice place you’ve got. Though, uh, could stand to nest a bit more.

Charlotte: I don’t even remember getting this place. I hope you like red. I’m a rosé girl, myself. Apparently, while I was away, I bought 30 cases of Merlot.

Lucifer: (Chuckles) Yes. Sorry about that.

Charlotte: Why would you be sorry? You’re not responsible for my lost time.

Lucifer: No. Yet I can’t help but feel… (Chuckles) somewhat accountable.

Charlotte: Is that why you’re here?

Lucifer: Well, this strange, inexplicable compulsion to make sure you’re okay? Very possibly. Dad be damned.

Charlotte: You spent time with me when I… wasn’t me. What was I like?

Lucifer: Well, you were… quite the handful, actually. Intense. Jealous. Hair-trigger emotions. Prone to making cosmically epic mistakes. (Chuckles) But everything that you did… The other you did, I… I know that it came from a place… of love.

Lucifer: I will miss her. More than she’ll ever know.

Lucifer: But that isn’t you, is it?

Charlotte: No. No, it’s not.

Lucifer: No. Right. Well, then… I look forward to getting to know the real you.

Charlotte: And I you.

Lucifer: Welcome back, Charlotte Richards.