S2 Ep17: Sympathy for the Goddess

(Lucifer is drinking and watching over his mother. Amenadiel arrives to talk to Lucifer.)

Amenadiel: Lucifer, we need to talk about something.

Lucifer: (annoyed) What… Can it wait? I’m busy keeping an eye on our mercurial mother.

Amenadiel: No, it’s important. I think you might be in danger.

Lucifer: Is it the Yakuza? The Nephilim? One Million Mums?

Amenadiel: It’s Maze. She’s angry with you, brother.

Lucifer: Well, is it Tuesday already? Anger is Maze’s default setting, sort of baked into her demon DNA.

Amenadiel: No, this is different, Luci. I think you really need to talk to her.

Lucifer: She’ll get over it; she always does. Right now, we have bigger issues to deal with, like whether or not Mum is wasting our time.

Amenadiel: If she believes her client has found another piece of the Flaming Sword, so do I.

Lucifer: Oh, such a loyal son. But Mum hasn’t adapted to this world as well as you might think. This chap could be conning her… I think I’m gonna go make sure…

Amenadiel: She seems to be doing just fine.

(The Goddess puts a briefcase on the table.)

Lucifer: That’s not the money, is it?

Amenadiel: Of course not. She wouldn’t bring it to the meeting.

Lucifer: Oh, no. Of course not. I mean, that would be absurd, wouldn’t it?

Amenadiel: She’s just showing it to him. I mean, it’s not like she’s gonna hand it to him before she… Gets the piece. That’s great.

(The guy takes the money and leaves.)

Lucifer: And now she’s letting him leave. Marvellous.

(Lucifer and Amenadiel join The Goddess.)

Goddess: Well, that went well.

Lucifer: Oh, you think so, do you?

Goddess: I do. He has what we need in his safe in the back room.

Lucifer: Oh.

Goddess: He’s going to get it right now.

Lucifer: Mum, you just handed him a briefcase full of cash with no proof whatsoever he has what we need.

Goddess: And?

Lucifer: You’ve been conned.

Goddess: He’s a client of mine, darling. I don’t think he’d be that foolhardy.

Lucifer: Oh.

Goddess: Well, I’m sure he’ll be right back… Maybe we should go check just to be sure.

Lucifer: I think that’s a good idea, don’t you?

Goddess: Oh.

(The three rush off in the direction of the con man.)

(Lucifer, The Goddess, and Amenadiel enter to find the con man dead on the floor.)

Goddess: Huh. See? He didn’t con me.

Lucifer: Look, instead he’s dead, and someone robbed him of what’s ours… Much better. Well, the good news is, after this spectacular bungling, I happen to work with a homicide detective.

Goddess: If you find the k*ller, then you’ll find our piece of the Flaming Sword.

Amenadiel: Hey, but, Mom…

Lucifer: The challenge is… Making sure we catch the case before some other detective.

Amenadiel: But what about…

Goddess: I may be able to help.

Lucifer: Really? I’m all ears.

(Lucifer and The Goddess leave Amenadiel standing and looking at the corpse.)

(Maze enters Dr. Linda’s office without knocking to see Dr. Linda behind her desk and a man standing in front of the desk. Maze, concerned, draws her demon blades.)

Maze: Is everything all right here?

Linda: Yeah, everything’s fine, Maze. You can, uh, you-you can put away the knives.

Nigel: We’ll be in touch, Dr. Martin… Excuse me.

Linda: Uh, Maze. Maze. Oh, my Lord.

Maze: Who the hell was that?

Linda: That was the chairman of the ethics review board.

Maze: Are you okay?

Linda: No. No, I am not. No, Maze. No, no, no, don’t, don’t. That won’t do any good.

Maze: What happened?

Linda: A couple of weeks ago, I maybe, sort of… Helped Lucifer break out of a mental institution… Using my own name. It’s my fault, really.

Maze: No, it is not your fault. It is Lucifer’s fault. It’s always Lucifer’s fault. First, I find out he’s ditching me to go to Heaven, and now he’s hurting you… Look, I’m gonna fix this, Linda. And then him and I are gonna have a little talk.

(At the station, Lucifer is sitting anxiously at Chloe’s desk. Chloe is working.)

Lucifer: Hey, I should get my own desk.

Chloe: Not happening.

Lucifer: Right next to yours would probably be best.

Chloe: Definitely not happening. Why are you hovering over me?

Lucifer: I’m not hovering. I’m just spending time with my partner.

Chloe: Oh, well, since you’re here, why don’t you help me with this paperwork? I could really get used to this, partner.

Lucifer: Right. Yes, on second thought, maybe a desk in the far corner might…

Chloe: Mm-mm.

(The Goddess arrives.)

Lucifer: Oh! Ms. Richards.

Goddess: Detective Decker. Just the woman I was hoping to see.

Chloe: Well, I feel the opposite. If you’ll excuse me.

Goddess: Hear me out. A client of mine called. He sounded very worried. I think he might be in terrible danger.

Lucifer: Oh, that’s awful. Detective, we should do something.

Goddess: He’s at a bar downtown. Would you come with me and make sure that he’s okay?

Chloe: Nope.

Goddess: Nope?

Chloe: I’m a homicide cop. I do not go around checking on worried criminals like a nanny, The Goddess. So if we’re done here…

Goddess: I heard… Things… On a… On-on the phone call.

Chloe: Like?

Goddess: Fingers… Pointing.

Chloe: You heard… Fingers pointing?

Goddess: Very angrily. Yes… Also, a g*nsh*t. Sounded like he was… Dying, or, um… Melting? It’s hard to tell.

Chloe: The Goddess…

Lucifer: It sounds worth our time, actually.

Chloe: Agreed. Why didn’t you just lead with that?

(Chloe, Lucifer, and The Goddess enter the crime scene. Chloe has her g*n drawn. They see the dead man on the floor.)

Chloe: The lock’s damaged.

Lucifer: Is it?

Chloe: Looks like you’re right. He’s been dead about an hour.

Lucifer: Oh? Impressive guess, Detective. Uh, I’m assuming from the… Discoloration… Well, that wasn’t a complete Dumpster fire, but now that we’re finished, you can see yourself out.

Goddess: I’ll do nothing of the sort.

Lucifer: Fine. I’ll show you out, if you insist.

Goddess: I’m not going anywhere.

Lucifer: But the detective and I have got everything handled now.

Goddess: This is far too important to leave to just the two of you. I will stick around.

Lucifer: Mum.

Goddess: Besides, we’ll get to work together. Won’t that be fun?

(Police have arrived. Ella is examining the body.)

Ella: We’re running tests for g*nsh*t residue and cocaine. Should have those in, like, five minutes.

Chloe: Okay. Good… Oh, The Goddess. You’re still here, huh?

Goddess: Well, he was my client. I thought I might be of help to the case.

Lucifer: But if not, we could always get her to shoo along, and we can carry on with our business.

Chloe: No. I’m sure she could be very helpful. So tell me, why does Zeke Moore, a manager at an import/export company, have you representing him?

Goddess: Because I’m the best.

Chloe: At getting criminals off.

Goddess: Well, that’s not true. I haven’t slept with any of my clients.

Chloe: What? You represent the worst of the worst. So why was Zeke a client?

Goddess: Because he works for Bianca Ruiz.

Lucifer: What? The tequila magnate?

Chloe: Bianca’s tequila empire is a front. She uses the distribution routes to sell g*ns, drugs, and, oh, yeah, people. So we’ve been after her for a long time.

Goddess: Who do you think did this? A rival of some sort?

Chloe: Well, that’s actually a good question. Ella, what do we have?

Ella: Well, no smoking g*n, but poor Zeke here got shot twice. First in the thigh… b*llet winged him… And then another went through his hand, hitting him in the chest. Probably trying to defend himself. Too bad you can’t catch b*ll*ts.

Lucifer: Well, he can’t maybe.

Chloe: I don’t think this was a professional hit. Maybe a robbery gone wrong.

Goddess: Any idea of what was taken?

Ella: Well, trace elements point to cash, cocaine, gunpowder residue, indicating weapons… All your basic bad guy stuff. No sign of forced entry, though.

Chloe: Which means the k*ller either knew the combination, or he just waited for the vic to open it to strike.

Ella: Mm-hmm. Hey, I got something here. (crawling to reach under a cabinet) Cell phone. No dust on it, so it hasn’t been there long.

Chloe: Well, Zeke had his phone on him, so this one could be the k*ller’s. Maybe he dropped it during the fight or just didn’t have time to retrieve it.

Ella: Passcode protected, of course. But the home screen is… Two eyes?

Goddess: Human female breasts.

Lucifer: No. That is a woman’s perfectly freckled rump.

Chloe: So our lead on the k*ller is a pair of butt-boob-eyes. It’s a great start.

(At the station, Dan sits at his desk studying Bianca Ruiz’s file. The Goddess walks up to him.)

Goddess: Hello, Daniel.

Dan: (annoyed) What are you doing here?

Goddess: Ms. Ruiz there… Is my client.

Dan: Well, she’s a real piece of work.

Goddess: Trying to make me jealous?

Dan: What do you want from me? You seduce me, you betray me, now you’re back. You have to want something; I just can’t figure out what.

Goddess: I do want something, you’re right. And I’ll tell you. Just somewhere private.

Dan: I’m not having sex with you here.

Goddess: But I need something to pass the time until we get a lead.

Dan: I don’t understand you. All right, whatever this is between us.

Goddess: Well, it’s simple, Daniel Espinoza… I like you.

(Music comes from the lab)

Ella: You guys, it’s a record label. The symbol on the phone we found is the label’s logo.

Lucifer: And they choose to publish this music of their own free will?

Ella: It’s a vanity label. It exists only to make this one guy’s music.

Chloe: Okay, well, who owns it? And can you please turn it off?

Ella: Chet Ruiz.

Goddess: Bianca’s youngest son. Half our billing goes to keeping him out of jail.

Chloe: So Bianca’s own son robbed and k*lled one of her most loyal soldiers?

Dan: The files barely mention Chet. I didn’t know he was actually part of the family business.

Goddess: He’s not. Bianca tries to keep him as far away from it all as possible.

Chloe: Maybe he started to resent that, decided to make a play?

Lucifer: And then dropped his phone, proving just how right his mother was about him.

Chloe: Well, if Chet is the k*ller, this could be our chance to take down Bianca, as well. Cut off the head of her entire operation. This could be huge.

Ella: Yeah. Bummer is the phone proves that Chet was in the room but doesn’t definitively tie him to the m*rder.

Chloe: Dan, why don’t you work on hacking the passcode. I’ll have a chat with Chet. And, The Goddess, thank you so much for your help. But now that one of your clients is our main suspect, it’s best you go.

Goddess: I don’t think I have to go quite yet.

Chloe: Maybe not, but I think you should.

Goddess: Bianca’s having a party today. It’s the launch of her new tequila. I’m sure Chet will be there, and… I’m invited.

Chloe: Why do you want to help us now?

Goddess: Because we all want the same thing… to find out who robbed and k*lled Zeke.

Dan: You know, Chloe, it would be a good chance for us to go undercover. Gather some intel before they even know we’re onto them.

Chloe: All right.

Lucifer: Fine. Good. It’s settled. The Detective and I will go, so thank you so much for your help.

Goddess: I don’t think so. The invitation is under my name. I will go. Perhaps Detective Espinoza should join me.

Lucifer: No. Yes, that’s not happening. Uh, very well. I’ll go with you…

Chloe: No, I’ll go with The Goddess.

Lucifer: But, Detective…

Chloe: No more argument.

Goddess: Very well. But I suggest you go shopping. This isn’t the kind of place you can attend in pajamas.

(The Goddess leaves.)

Lucifer: This is ridiculous.

(Lucifer leaves with Chloe and Dan not far behind.)

Chloe: Pajamas?

Ella: (half under her breath but loud enough that others could hear) What if Ella goes to the party? That sounds like a great idea. Oh, my God. Thank you so much for thinking of me. But you know what? I’m so busy.

(Lucifer enters Linda’s office without knocking. He’s already talking and not looking at who is sitting behind the desk. Maze is waiting for him.)

Lucifer: I have been sidelined by my own mother and the Detective. It’s absurd. I won’t stand for it. I am gonna find a way into that party.

Maze: Do you always whine like this? (now Lucifer sees Maze) I don’t know how she puts up with it.

Lucifer: Where’s Dr. Linda?

Maze: Suspended. Because of you. Because you have been a terrible, selfish friend… To her. Now you’re gonna fix it.

Lucifer: Well, gladly, once I figure a way back onto the case.

Maze: No, Lucifer. Now!

Lucifer: But I suppose they can handle things without me for the time being. What’s the plan?

(Maze purposefully bumps into him as she walks by)

(Dan is on the phone at the station.)

Dan: It’ll take two hours to scan the phone… I’ll come to you. I’ll k*ll some time till it’s done. See you soon.

(Dan sees Amenadiel.)

Dan: Hey, man. You looking for your brother?

Amenadiel: Or my m… Um… Charlotte? Listen, um… Are they here? Because I haven’t been able to reach them.

Dan: No, they took off. Couple hours ago.

Amenadiel: Of course they did. And why would they bother to let me know?

Dan: I could try to call them for you.

Amenadiel: Don’t worry about it, Dan. I mean, with a brother like Lucifer, I really should be used to this, right?

Dan: Hey. What are you doing right now?

(The Goddess arrives at the party.)

Goddess: Charlotte Richards. Have you seen my plus one? She’s a tired-looking blonde. Probably dressed in something freshly plucked from the floor. Mm-mm. Hmm?

(Chloe enters.)

Chloe: Let’s get this pajama party started.

(Chloe and The Goddess are talking.)

Chloe: I still don’t understand why you’re helping us. Bianca’s your client.

Goddess: I’m not the same woman I was when she hired me.

Chloe: Hmm. Did you have a change of heart?

Goddess: No, the same heart. Completely different soul, though.

Chloe: Hmm. There’s Chet. I’ll go talk to him.

Goddess: You know, that’s wise. You seem more his type than me, and you’re not particularly intimidating, so that should help.

Chloe: Help what?

Goddess: Well, in seducing him, of course.

Chloe: I’m not gonna seduce him, Charlotte.

Goddess: Not with that posture you’re not. Fine. I’ll do it.

Chloe: No. No. There’s gonna be no seducing. We just need to get Chet to talk, have him incriminate himself, then we can arrest him and flip him on Bianca.

Goddess: You expect him to betray his own mother? One that’s given him everything he’s ever wanted?

Chloe: Not all kids appreciate what their parents have given them.

Goddess: Well, that I agree with.

Chloe: I just think with a little pressure, he’ll crack. Oh, bodyguard. Maybe he’s not as easy to get to as I thought.

Goddess: Why would an overprotective mother bring her murderous son to a tequila-fuelled party?

Chloe: Well, if her son k*lled Zeke, she has no idea… Okay. I’ve got an idea.

(Chloe moves away with The Goddess following)

(Maze and Lucifer are talking to the chairman of the ethics review board.)

Maze: Dr. Linda Martin is an amazing therapist and an incredible woman. You can’t do this to her.

Nigel: Well, I’m afraid that she brought this on herself. So, unless there’s something… Specific that you can tell me, there’s very little that I can do.

Maze: Hmm. Well, how about proof of all the good she’s done? Like this guy. Lucifer Morningstar.

Lucifer: Oh, that’s quite flattering.

Maze: The worst patient anyone could ask for. He is a back-stabbing, selfish, narcissistic little devil. He’s greedy…

Nigel: Is there a-a point to this?

Lucifer: Yes, I’m wondering the same thing.

Maze: The point is, despite all of that, she went out of her way to help him.

Lucifer: Yeah, she’s right. The doctor has seen a side to me that I hide because it’s, well, terrifying. But she accepted me nonetheless, and she’s helped me through issues that I thought insurmountable.

Nigel: I appreciate the testimonial, and I will include it into the notes.

Maze: That’s it?

Nigel: Unless you have more evidence to submit.

Lucifer: Well, she’s generous. As a, as a therapist, as a lover, a friend…

Nigel: Wait. You slept with your therapist.

Lucifer: What? O-only in the beginning. Then she decided that I shouldn’t pay for therapy with sex. So, such strong morals, don’t you think?

Maze: (grabs Lucifer by the arm and heads for the door) Let’s go!

Lucifer: What the…? Oh, no, no, she saved my life. I mean, granted, she k*lled me first, but I did ask her.

Maze: Oh, my God. Lucifer.

(At the party, The Goddess goes to speak with Bianca.)

Bianca Ruiz: We actually have been trying to get the formula for… The Goddess. Excuse me. Oh. So glad you can make it. How are the children?

Goddess: They’re angels. (speaks in hushed tones) But speaking of children… What did Chet do now?

Bianca Ruiz: Run out on another tab?

Goddess: The police suspect him of k*lling Zeke Moore.

Bianca Ruiz: That’s impossible.

Goddess: I have it from a very good source.

Bianca Ruiz: I’ll get to the bottom of it. Thank you, The Goddess.

Goddess: As always. Of course.

Bianca Ruiz: Enjoy. (She walks away. The Goddess watches her walk up to her son.)

( Bianca is going to speak with her son.)

Bianca Ruiz: What did you do?

Chet Ruiz: What could I do? You won’t let me drink, my bank account’s pretty low lately…

Bianca Ruiz: Zeke Moore. What did you do?

Chet Ruiz: I took care of a problem. You’re welcome.

(Chloe is eavesdropping nearby)

Bianca Ruiz: You don’t work for me.

Chet Ruiz: But I should. Look what I can do.

Bianca Ruiz: Yeah, remove one of my best earners?

Chet Ruiz: You see, this is why you need me, Ma. I found out that Zeke was building up his own business. Smuggling rare artifacts on the side.

Bianca Ruiz: And I was making 30%.

Chet Ruiz: Oh. Well, I would have known that if you had just given me…

Bianca Ruiz: How do the police know it was you?

Chet Ruiz: I may have… Dropped my phone.

Bianca Ruiz: Chet, what was on your phone? Let’s go somewhere quieter.

Chet Ruiz: No, Mom. Mom, Mom.

(She firmly pulls him away to a quieter part of the room.)

Bianca Ruiz: The whole business?

Chet Ruiz: I was just trying to learn how the financial part worked, Ma. You know, prove to you I could be a part of this.

Bianca Ruiz: So you saved it on your phone, which the police now have.

Chet Ruiz: (brushing her off) Don’t worry. I’m already taking care of it. Won’t be a problem… (Blanca leaves; the bodyguard sits in closer to Chet and stares him down) What?

(Bianca Ruiz surprises Chloe, who, again, is nearby and turning to leave.)

Bianca Ruiz: (to Chloe) Hello.

(Daniel and Amenadiel are having a drink at the bar.)

Amenadiel: Improv? Really?

Dan: Come on, man, you promised me you wouldn’t laugh. I went through a lot this last year. And improv sort of helped me reorient myself.

Amenadiel: How?

Dan: Well, it took stepping outside of myself to figure out who I really was. You know, stop defining myself by other people… Chloe. Lucifer.

Amenadiel: I see. So you think I’m defining myself by my brother, yeah?

Dan: Well, I know from experience, the dude casts a pretty big-a*s shadow.

Amenadiel: Well, if there is one constant in the universe, it’s that Lucifer’s the favorite. No matter what I do. No matter how hard I work or how much he screws up…It’s never gonna change.

Dan: You guys must have competed over everything, huh?

Amenadiel: I mean, he would never admit it, right? But yeah. Yeah, everything.

Dan: Even women? Eh, I just noticed that you and Lucifer have a weird relationship with The Goddess Richards. I just thought maybe you guys…

Amenadiel: No, Dan, we are not competing over The Goddess. Trust me. At least, not in the way you think. And if we are, well, obviously I lost. Because I’m here, with you. No offense.

Dan: Yeah, none taken. Oh, man. (cell phone chimes. Dan looks at text) They couldn’t crack the passcode. But, uh, for what it’s worth, I like you a hell of a lot more than I like your brother. (pats Amenadiel on the shoulder and leaves)

(Amenadiel is happily surprised)

(At the party, Bianca, backed up by some of her bodyguards, asks Chloe some questions.)

Bianca Ruiz: I know everyone here except you. What are you doing here?

Chloe: I, uh… I’m… Uh, was… I came because, well… I love your son’s music. Hi, Chet. Chet, you’re so good. You’re amazing.

Bianca Ruiz: Oh, please. I’ve seen the sales. Nobody actually listens to that… Stuff.

Chloe: Oh, I listen to it, big-time.

(Chloe starts to sing and dance.)

Bianca Ruiz: I’ve heard enough.

Chloe: Yeah.

Guard: That’s enough, ma’am.

Chloe: Chet, you’re so good. You’re dope!

Guard: (pulls Chloe away) Let’s go.

Chloe: I love you. I…

Chet Ruiz: I love you more.

(Minutes later at the launch party’s bar, Chloe phones Dan.)

Chloe: Dan. Hey. Look, that phone… I think it is way more important than we thought. It might be the key to taking down Bianca.

(Maze and Lucifer are walking in the street.)

Lucifer: Great. Now that we’ve solved that, I can get back to the case and…

(Maze hits Lucifer in the stomach.)

Lucifer: Ooh! God! What?!

Maze: What? You just made everything worse. Why am I surprised? Just leave. Since that’s been your plan all along anyway.

Lucifer: Is that what all this has been about? Amenadiel told you about our trip back to Heaven, didn’t he?

Maze: Don’t you blame him. You…

(She hits him again.)

Lucifer: Aah!

Maze: Should have told me.

Lucifer: Well, if you understood the full picture…

(She punches him in the face.)

Lucifer: Oh! Stop hitting me.

Maze: Then explain.

Lucifer: Well, I’d like to, but you have a tendency to get emotional about things.

(She punches him in the face again.)

Lucifer: Aah! Case in point.

Maze: So I needed to be controlled, is that it? What the hell am I, Lucifer… A pawn in some plan of yours?

Lucifer: No, I wouldn’t put it like that.

Maze: Of course you wouldn’t, because that would actually require you understanding how you affect people. How you hurt them.

(She kicks him in the nuts.)

Lucifer: Oh! Aah! You seem to be the one doing the hurting at the moment.

Maze: You don’t care about anyone other than yourself. Unless they can be of use to you. Sound familiar?

Lucifer: Tread very carefully, Maze.

Maze: You’re just like your parents.

(They fight. Seriously fight.)

Lucifer: Aah!

Maze: Aah!

Lucifer: Oh! Maybe… Maybe we should just take a time-out so that… You can catch your breath.

Maze: Yeah, so you can catch your breath. And then, I’ll get back to kicking your a*s.

Lucifer: See, now… I had no idea that you were this mad at me.

Maze: You were gonna leave me.

Lucifer: I would never do that.

Maze: But you told Amenadiel and your mom that y… You were going with them to Heaven.

Lucifer: Well, I didn’t say how long for. Huh? Or what I was gonna do when I got there.

Maze: You’re playing your own angle… And you didn’t tell me… Because you needed me to be angry with you so you could sell your story.

Lucifer: Exactly! So, all this… Was for nothing.

Maze: Lucifer, that’s even worse.

(At the station, Ella, Chloe and Daniel are talking about the phone.)

Ella: This phone could be the key to taking down the entire Ruiz empire.

Dan: Yeah, but how do we crack it if cyber couldn’t even do it?

Ella: Time. That idiot didn’t install a program that can remotely wipe the phone. And it’s an older phone with just a four-digit code.

Dan: So, what, we just keep trying till we get in? How long will that take?

Ella: There are only 10,000 options. Well, actually, 9,996 now… I took a couple stabs. So, hey, making progress. I would say maybe a month.

Dan: Well, we can’t arrest ’em till we know what’s on that phone. And if they decide to make a run for it…

Chloe: All right. Let’s just try to speed it up. Let’s look into Chet’s background, let’s try and come up with number combinations that might be meaningful to him, all right? Let’s go.

(Maze and Lucifer are sitting on the sofa, still bloody and beat up from their fight.)

Linda: Did you guys… k*ll the chairman of the review board? Please tell me you didn’t k*ll him. Not that he didn’t deserve it, the smug, insufferable…

Lucifer: No, no. No one’s dead. We did this to each other. Though… When it comes to your case, I fear I may have, um… Complicated things.

Maze: Lucifer told him you used to screw. Among other things.

Linda: Oh? Oh. Well, I guess that’s that.

Lucifer: No, that isn’t that. I want to know why she’s still upset with me.

Linda: Since I’m not currently a practicing doctor of psychiatry, I don’t have to lead you on this path of realization; I can just tell you. Maze is pissed at you because you used her.

Lucifer: Sure. But for the greater good of our debauchery here in L.A.

Linda: Did you even once think of how this affected her?

Lucifer: Of course I did. Thought about how she might ruin everything by disemboweling my mum or castrating my brother.

Linda: I meant her feelings.

Lucifer: What?

Linda: She thought… You abandoned her. That you didn’t care how that affected her.

Lucifer: But those sort of things never bothered her be…

(Maze is tearing up.)

Lucifer: Before. Oh… Mazikeen. I didn’t realize… I should have realized.

Linda: Well, my work here is done… Literally. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find a very stiff martini.

(Lucifer and Maze get up to leave. Maze stops to speak to Dr. Linda.)

Maze: Linda… I’ll take care of this. I promise.

(Bianca enters The Goddess’s office.)

Goddess: Bianca. Has something happened?

Bianca Ruiz: Yes. My son robbed and k*lled Zeke, as you know. But then he showed me what Zeke was smuggling. And for whom. Now I have it. And I think it’s very important to you, isn’t it?

Goddess: It is.

Bianca Ruiz: Then let’s make a deal. I’ll give it to you if you get my son’s phone from the police.

Goddess: That’s not possible.

Bianca Ruiz: You’ll find a way. Otherwise, I’ll make sure that what you want… Disappears forever.

(The Goddess nods; she understands. Blanca turns and leaves.)

(Ella is trying to find the passcode of Chet’s phone. The Goddess enters.)

Ella: Birthday reverse. Nope. Double 69. Oddly relieved that’s not it.

Goddess: Ms. Lopez. We haven’t really had the chance to meet.

Ella: I know. I’ve been looking forward to a formal “hey-ya.”

(Ella tries to hug The Goddess, but she puts up her hand and blocks Ella’s approach.)

Goddess: S… Uh… Uh, no, I see you’re still working on the phone. I knew Chet well. Perhaps I could borrow it, maybe try some combinations?

Ella: I see through you… I know you are waiting around for my boy Dan.

Goddess: Oh. Caught me red-handed.

Ella: And even though most everybody is all like, “She a shark, those dead eyes, don’t trust her,” when I look at you… I see a light.

Goddess: (checking her wrist) Did my bandage come undone?

Ella: So, for now, benefit of the doubt. But if you ever hurt Dan again, I’ll have someone break your legs.

(Ella’s phone rings.)

Ella: Oh, that’s my brother. I’ve been trying to get a hold of him forever. Can you watch the phone?

Goddess: Sure.

Ella: Thanks. (She starts to leave the room, then turns) See? Light. (She leaves)

(The Goddess picks up Chet’s phone, and she’s about to leave the lab, but Chloe is in the doorway.)

Chloe: Start talking.

Goddess: (grunts)

(Lucifer is playing the piano; Chloe enters.)

Lucifer: Ah!

Chloe: What happened to you?

Lucifer: Oh, this. It’s just a little fisticuffs between friends.

Chloe: I just had a very enlightening conversation with Charlotte Richards.

Lucifer: Ah. Well, I’ve had my fill of enlightening conversations for today, thank you.

Chloe: Lucifer, she told me who she really is, and how you two are related.

Lucifer: I somehow doubt that.

Chloe: No, it all makes sense. Why you were so disgusted when I suggested you two had slept together. Why you act so weird around her in general.

Lucifer: She… Really told you. What did she tell you?

Chloe: That she’s your father’s ex.

Lucifer: Right, yes, no. That’s-that’s true.

Chloe: Right, yeah. I mean, the way she talked about your dad and-and what he put her through.

Lucifer: Mm-hmm. Betrayal, t*rture, Hell, et cetera. All true.

Chloe: Mm-hmm. I just cannot imagine raising kids with someone like that.

Lucifer: Sympathy for the Goddess, Detective?

Chloe: Why didn’t you just tell me she was your step-mom?

Lucifer: Well, it didn’t seem that simple to explain. I mean, how did this all come about, anyway?

Chloe: Well… I… I caught The Goddess trying to steal evidence for Bianca Ruiz.

Lucifer: What? Why would she do that?

Chloe: Well, apparently Bianca figured out that Charlotte and I were working together at the sting. Bianca threatened Charlotte’s family. I mean, she threatened you if she didn’t help.

Lucifer: Well, that sounds plausible, yes.

Chloe: I don’t know. Something about it doesn’t feel right. I don’t know if I can trust her.

Lucifer: Well, I mean, I know I’m biased, but one thing’s for certain, Detective… Charlotte Richards will stop at nothing to protect her children… You can trust that.

Chloe: Hmm.

(The Goddess is in Bianca’s office.)

Bianca Ruiz: Did you bring me what I asked for?

Goddess: Mm. As promised.

(The Goddess puts Chet’s phone on the desk. Blanca pushes the phone towards the man standing near her.)

Bianca Ruiz: Make sure it’s real. That it wasn’t cloned.

(The guy takes the phone and connects it to a laptop. Blanca pours two shots of tequila and hands one to The Goddess.)

Bianca Ruiz: To the things a mother will do for her children.

Goddess: I’ll drink to that.

(Chloe and Lucifer are listening to the conversation.)

Bianca Ruiz: I can’t even count the times that Chet has come close to destroying everything I’ve built.

Goddess: Children always find new ways to test us.

Lucifer: (to Chloe) She’s talking about Amenadiel.

Goddess: Put us through… Hell.

Lucifer: (to Chloe) That one’s me.

Bianca Ruiz: And yet we still protect them.

Goddess: Always.

(The man finishes the phone diagnostic that comes back clean. He gives Blanca a half-smile and nods. Blanca nods back.)

Bianca Ruiz: Now for your side of the bargain.

(The Goddess pours her drink on the bug that’s inside her blouse to short it out.)

Chloe: We lost the feed. She’s up to something.

Lucifer: Well, no, no, no. She may have just shorted the bug.

Chloe: No. Charlotte Richards is either screwing us over, or she’s in trouble. Guys, get ready to go in. And she better be in trouble.

(In the office, Bianca slides a key across the desk towards The Goddess.)

Bianca Ruiz: This opens a safety deposit box. Inside you’ll find what Zeke was smuggling for you.

Goddess: This isn’t what we agreed to. How do I know you’ll hold up your end of the deal?

Bianca Ruiz: Because I always do. And quite honestly, I don’t see why you put so much value in…

(The police crash through the door and into the office.)

Cops: Freeze! See your hands!

Chloe: LAPD. Bianca Ruiz, you’re under arrest.

Bianca Ruiz: This is absurd. Charlotte. Charlotte!

Goddess: Will no longer be representing you.

Bianca Ruiz: You’re making a terrible mistake… (police put her in handcuffs) Don’t touch me.

Lucifer: Charlotte, are you okay?

(Lucifer and Charlotte momentarily touch hands)

Goddess: Yes.

Chloe: Lucifer, don’t. Step away. I need to search her.

Lucifer: Well, I don’t think that’s necessary, Detective.

Chloe: Well, I do.

Goddess: It’s okay, son.

Lucifer: Fine.

Chloe: Arms out.

Goddess: Hmm. Oh, you’re being incredibly thorough… I like it.

Chloe: She’s clean.

Lucifer: Well, I told you, Detective, she’s got nothing to hide.

Officer: (stepping into the room, he says to Chloe) The phone was still unlocked. We have everything.

Chloe: Seems like we do. Let’s, uh…

(Chloe leaves the room. Lucifer turns slightly to show The Goddess he has the key in his hand.)

(The Goddess, Amenadiel, and Lucifer are at the penthouse. Lucifer loudly drops a large old book on the piano top.)

Goddess: A book? That’s what Zeke smuggled for me? Is this a joke?

Lucifer: Well, if it were, I would have chosen something funnier, like Douglas Adams or Freud.

Goddess: Are you certain… That this is all that was in the safety deposit box? Well, how is a book supposed to ignite the sword?

Amenadiel: Maybe it’s an instruction manual.

Goddess: In an ancient language I can’t read. Wonderful. Here.

Lucifer: Wh… I can’t read it.

Goddess: But you speak every language.

Lucifer: Speak, not read. I’ve always found tongues much more useful than books. So whatever language this is…

Amenadiel: It’s Sumerian. Unlike some of us who had everything handed to him, I actually spent my youth studying.

Goddess: Excellent. (touches Amenadiel’s face) My smart boy. How-how quickly can you translate it?

Amenadiel: Um, should only take me a few days.

Goddess: (anxious and insistent) Days? I don’t have that kind of time.

Lucifer: Mum, why have you got your knickers in such a twist?

Amenadiel: Is there a reason why you’re in such a rush lately?

Goddess: I-I’m just anxious to see the rest of the family. Please start translating.

(The Goddess leaves.)

Amenadiel: There’s something going on with her.

Lucifer: Yeah. Or it’s just that time of the millennium… (Amenadiel looks exasperated) What?

(Maze is standing outside the chairman of the ethics review board’s office when he opens the door to leave.)

Nigel: Excuse me.

Maze: Not this time.

(She pushes him into the office and closes the door.)

(Daniel goes to speak with Chloe, who is sitting at her desk.)

Dan: Hey.

Chloe: Hey.

Dan: Congrats on nabbing Queen Tequila.

Chloe: Well, Chet’s still out there, so this isn’t over until I find him.

Dan: You and The Goddess Richards… That is the most awkward team-up of the century.

Chloe: Actually, it wasn’t as bad as I expected. I learned a lot of eye-opening things about her. That’s for sure. Like her being Lucifer’s step-mom. Had no idea…

Dan: Wait a minute. She… Step-mom?

Chloe: Yeah. Yes.

Dan: That makes a weird amount of sense, actually.

Chloe: Dan, I want you to be careful with her. There’s something about her I don’t trust.

Dan: I’m gonna be fine, Chloe.

Chloe: Wait. One more thing.

Dan: Yeah.

Chloe: If you married her, you’d kind of be like Lucifer’s dad.

Dan: Oh, my God.

Chloe: Right? It’s so, so messed up.

(The Goddess is waiting for Chet Ruiz to arrive.)

Chet Ruiz: I’m glad you agreed to meet me.

Goddess: Well, of course I did. I knew that book couldn’t be it… Well, come on. Hand it over. I need what Zeke really smuggled… Now.

(Chet draws a knife.)

Goddess: Mm. A knife. We already have…

(He stabs The Goddess once in the abdomen.)

Chet Ruiz: My life is ruined! I don’t want to go to prison. This is all your fault!

(The Goddess slowly pulls the knife out, and her light burns Chet. He’s dead.)

(At the penthouse, Lucifer plays the piano while Amenadiel translates the book.)

Lucifer: Who knew translating could be so exhausting.

Amenadiel: Listen, I think I found something.

Lucifer: Huh?

Amenadiel: God shattered the Flaming Sword into three distinct pieces. “The Blade of Death.”

Lucifer: Azrael’s.

Amenadiel: “The Medallion of Life.”

Lucifer: Johnson’s belt buckle.

Amenadiel: And the key that binds them all together.

Lucifer: Well, keys don’t bind; they unlock. I think someone needs to go back to translation school.

Amenadiel: And guess who has the key.

Lucifer: Well, don’t leave me in suspense. Who is it, brother?

Amenadiel: It says that God entrusted the key to his favorite son… Of course he gave it to you… It’s always you, isn’t it?

Lucifer: Well, what are you talking about? The only keys I’ve got are these. (he plays a few random notes on the piano)

Amenadiel: What else did you bring with you to Earth, Luci? Your ring. I’ve never seen you without it; maybe that’s the key.

Lucifer: Well, the key to completing my ensemble, maybe.

Amenadiel: Here. Try and attach your ring to this.

Lucifer: Brother.

Amenadiel: Just do it. And we’ll confirm what we already know.

Lucifer: Brother…

Amenadiel: That Father’s favorite, despite everything that you have done, is and always has been you.

Lucifer: Look down. Is that the key around your neck, or are you just happy to see me? He entrusted it… To you, brother.