S3 Ep03: Mr. and Mrs. Mazikeen Smith

(Crowd partying at LUX. Lucifer is enjoying himself with a guest. Dr. Linda are at the bar drinking.)

Dr. Linda: (drinks a shot) Ah. How do you do this every night?

Maze: How do you not?

Dr. Linda: Fear of liver failure, mostly.

(Maze laughs)

Dr. Linda: We’ve been drinking for three hours. But I know you’ve been going since…

Maze: Tuesday.

Dr. Linda: Why do you always push yourself like this?

Maze: Because it’s fun, Linda. No rest for the soulless.

(They both drink another shot.)

Dr. Linda: Okay. I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. You can’t really mean that you don’t have a soul.

(Lucifer appears behind Dr. Linda.)

Lucifer: Ah, that she does. No demons have souls. That’s why they’re notorious for living in the moment.

Maze: Yeah, when I die, that’s it. Maze out. So don’t waste a single second.

Lucifer: You humans could learn a thing from her. And me. Well, mostly me.

Dr. Linda: That’s terrible. I’m so sorry, Maze.

Maze: I have no complaints. I just try and keep things interesting. I mean, I was getting a little bored with the constant drinking, violence, s*x. You know how it is.

Dr. Linda: Yes, of course. All those things, all the time, for me.

Maze: Yeah, but now I hunt humans, too. Adds a little spice to things. In fact, my next bounty should be here any minute.

Dr. Linda: You got your bounty to come to you?

Maze: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Linda: How’d you pull that off?

Lucifer: Let me guess. Blackmail. No. Promise of a threesome.

Maze: Drink coupon to Lux.

Lucifer: Coupon? Maze, this isn’t some sort of student disco. No one in their right mind…

(Just then, a young man pushes his way between them, holds up a coupon, and calls to the bartender.)

Criminal: I have a coupon for a free margarita.

(Maze, in one motion, slams the man’s head onto the bar, knocking him out, and he slumps to the floor.)

Dr. Linda: Oh.

Maze: Yeah. Though I have to admit, the job is losing its thrill. I don’t know. I think I need… more.

Dr. Linda: Maybe you should take a breath and appreciate all that you have. Slow down. Like I wish this spinning room would. The room’s not spinning, is it?

Lucifer: No.

Maze: No.

Dr. Linda: No. Okay. (puts her head down on the bar) Oh, this is cold. This is cold and nice.

Lucifer: (to Maze) Don’t listen to her. You take it from me, Maze. The best thing to do is always to follow your greatest desire. Burn brighter, Mazikeen. You should hunt the most challenging human you can. Sure the doctor will agree. (Dr. Linda groans) Once she wakes up.

Maze: Burn brighter it is.

Lucifer: Game on. Cheers.

(They clink glasses. Maze looks thoughtful.)

(Maze is watching an interrogation video of a security guard, Pete, on a large monitor with her feet up on the desk while eating chocolate pudding from a self-serve cup. A man walks in.)

Pete: “They were both screaming. He didn’t even seem to notice. He k*lled them like it was nothing. There was so much blood. I’ll never forget…”

Lt. Herrera: Excuse me. Is this your office?

Maze: Nope.

Lt. Herrera: Uh, didn’t think so. Pretty sure it’s mine. This is the part where you explain what the hell you’re doing at my desk.

Maze: You’re, uh… Lieutenant Herrera of Organized Crime.

Lt. Herrera: Yeah, I am. Was it the “at my desk” part that clued you in? What are you doing looking at old interviews of the Ben Rivers case?

Maze: I want to find him.

Lt. Herrera: What are you, an old girlfriend or something?

Maze: ‘m Mazikeen Smith.

Lt. Herrera: Oh. You’re that bounty hunter that works with Homicide. Impressive record.

Maze: This says that Rivers was in a small town in Canada a couple weeks ago.

Lt. Herrera: Yeah, he’s been moving around for the last couple months. Always three steps ahead of whoever’s gone after him.

Maze: Not anymore.

Lt. Herrera: Listen, if you’re serious about this, you need to know that Rivers is manipulative. He’s dangerous.

Maze: Oh, does he know kung fu?

Lt. Herrera: Uh… I don’t think so.

Maze: Mm. Too bad. You were getting me excited.

Lt. Herrera: Don’t. Don’t underestimate him. All right? He’s k*lled two people in broad daylight because he felt like it. Who knows what else he’s done? Every bounty hunter who’s ever gone after him has failed.

Maze: Perfect.

(Maze is getting her things together for a trip.)

Chloe: Maze, really? Do you even know what you’re getting yourself into? Uh, h-have you even been to Canada?

Maze: No. Come on. Same humans, different city.

Chloe: Country. Canada’s a country, and it’s very different from here. Okay, this, (picks up a pair of skimpy underwear) this is not – cold-weather clothing.

Maze: Yeah.

Chloe: You know it’s winter there, right? What’s this? Is this your cold-weather gear?

Maze: No, that’s my whips and knives.

Chloe: Uh… Well, your whips and knives are moving.

Chloe: Trixie.

Trixie: I can’t let Maze go alone. Someone needs to cover her back.

Maze: Thanks, little human.

(Maze and Trixie look at Chloe, silently asking for permission.)

Chloe: No.

Maze: Listen, I’m gonna be okay. Besides, I need you to stay here and watch your mom.

Trixie: That’s true. Without the two of us, she’s defenseless.

Chloe: I don’t know if I like what you’re whispering about.

Trixie: Here. Take Miss Alien with you, at least.

Maze: Knuckles.

(Maze and Trixie share a secret handshake that ends with throat-slitting gestures.)

Chloe: Ugh. Come on. (She helps Trixie out of the duffle bag.)

Chloe: Good luck, Maze.

Maze: Get some while I’m gone, won’t you, Decker? (She picks up the duffle bag and leaves.)

Chloe: Hey, Monkey. Maze is gonna be just fine.

Trixie: Then why do you look worried about her?

Chloe: I’m not worried about Maze. I’m worried about Canada.

(Maze steps out of a lodge and gets her first experience of cold weather. As she’s trying to be tough about it, a young male skier slams the door as he exits past her, causing a cascade of snow to hit Maze. He points and laughs at her. She is not happy. Next, we see her happily wearing the young man’s parka, and he is face-first in a garbage can with his legs sticking up.)

Skier: Help! Hey, give me my coat! Hey! Come back here! Help!

(Chloe is on the phone)

Chloe: Mm-hmm. Yeah, that sounds like her. Thanks.

(Dan walks up to her desk wearing a bright red Hawaiian shirt.)

Dan: Hey, hey, hey.

Chloe: Someone’s ready for their vacation.

Dan: Ah, so ready. This is my itinerary. I will be available by phone at all times. If anything happens to Trixie, I’ll be on the first flight back.

Lucifer: (just arriving) Daniel. Where are you off to? The ’80s?

Dan: Ha. Nice one. Hawaii.

Chloe: I want you to enjoy Hawaii, okay? You deserve it.

Dan: Thank you. Finally got enough points together. No crime scenes, no paperwork. I’m just gonna surf, I’m gonna do a little bit of hiking, and I’m gonna read a book.

Chloe: Good.

Lucifer: Self-help, I assume. Any man who chooses three layovers is clearly torturing himself.

Dan: I had to use travel points, man. Not everyone has cash to burn.

Lucifer: Well, you should. I mean, sometimes I’ll just light it on fire and throw it up in the air to see who… (thinks better of continuing his thought) That was a turn of phrase, wasn’t it?

Dan: Yeah. Well, I’m gonna catch you guys in a couple weeks. I’m out.

Chloe: Have fun!

(Dan leaves. Lucifer sees the tracking display on Chloe’s computer.)

Lucifer: Ooh, goody. New dots. So, where have you tracked Maze tracking her bounty to now?

Chloe: Yeah, okay. A taxi theft in Vancouver. A brawl with a curling team in Montreal. Oh, and the, uh, “bear attack” that happened in Prince Edward Island I think was her, too.

Lucifer: Sounds like she’s having a splendid time. I’m glad I suggested it.

Chloe: So you’re the reason Canada’s in danger?

Lucifer: Look, this is good for Maze, Detective. She needs a change of pace.

Chloe: What Maze needs is our help before she does any more damage.

Lucifer: This isn’t about help. This is about you being an overprotective mother. Look, trust me, Detective. I’ve known Maze for eons. She’s got all of this under control.

(Chloe looks back at the screen still worried.)

(Maze enters the lodge and walks up to the man at the front desk who is just getting off the phone. )

Norm: (on phone) So… Okeydokey, you betcha. (hangs up phone and addresses Maze who just walked in.) Beautiful morning, eh? Welcome to the best ski lodge this side of the Saskatchewan River. No offense to the others, of course.

Maze: (holds up her phone to show him a photo) Do you know this guy?

Norm: Not much of a chitchatter, are you?

Maze: Do you know him?

Norm: Hmm.

Maze: “Hmm,” you know him or not?

Norm: Gosh, I’m sorry. I-I couldn’t tell you either way. We pride ourselves on our discretion. And Flapjack Fridays. Uh, would you like a room, or…?

Maze: Do you know how to t*rture someone… Norm?

Norm: Can’t say that I do.

Maze: Well, I do. I know how to find a human’s weakness and use it against him. For maximum pain.

Norm: Oh, I can’t see a nice lady like you doing something like that.

Maze: What’s your weakness, Norm? Money?

Norm: Golly, no.

Maze: Kink?

Norm: That a band?

Maze: How about I break your fingers?

Norm: Oh, no. If you did that, I wouldn’t be able to give my wife her back rubs. Though I suppose I could use the old elbows in a pinch.

Maze: (Maze smiles knowing she found his weakness.) You love your wife, don’t you, Norm?

Norm: Oh, more than anything. Yeah, I’m one lucky son of a biscuit.

(Maze begins to crawl over the desk to get closer to Norm.)

Norm: What-what are you doing?

Maze: You’re a good husband.

(She sits on the desk in front of him.)

Norm: Um…

Maze: A faithful…

(She takes one foot and pushes him backward so he falls into a chair.)

Norm: Oh.

Maze: Husband.

(She straddles him and sits in his lap.)

Norm: Uh…

Maze: How sweet. I would hate for anything… (She messes his hair and pushes his face into her chest.) to get in the way of that. (A woman takes a photo of them with her phone.)

Norm: This… th-this is not nice at all. No. L-Lady, please don’t. Please don’t take a photo.

Maze: (mockingly) Oh, no. Now there’s proof.

Norm: No, there’s no proof. Th-There’s nothing happening.

Maze: Tell your wife that, hmm? I’m sure she’ll agree. (talking loudly to the guest who took the photo) Hey, lady, can I get a copy of that?

Norm: He-He’s in Whistler with some rich lady named Beauregard. Now-now please get off my lap.

(Maze gets off Norm)

Norm:

You are one terrible… “B,” lady.

Maze: You’re not so bad yourself, Norm.

(Maze leaves. Norm straightens his hair and clothes.)

(A woman is making loud semi-screams as Maze is massaging her leg. We see behind her there is a man, tied up and blindfolded in a closet behind a curtain.)

Muffy: That’s the spot. I am so glad the regular guy took the day off. You are finding every single place I hurt.

Maze: It’s what I do. Roll over. So… tell me more about this guy you’re seeing.

Muffy: Oh.

Maze: He sounds charming.

Muffy: He is, but that’s not all. I really shouldn’t tell you this, but he has a secret.

Maze: That he’s a dangerous k*ller on the run?

Muffy: (laughs) You are so funny. No. He is a prince. He doesn’t want anyone to know. He’s so humble.

Maze: Mm.

Muffy: Finally, I have found a guy who doesn’t just want me for Daddy’s money.

Maze: Sounds… too good to be true.

Muffy: I know. Can’t wait to see him tonight.

Maze: Tonight? So he’s here?

Muffy: He is. And he’s gonna take me to this castle this weekend.

Maze: Oooh.

Muffy: How amazing is that? Oh, I can’t wait. Um, is it normal for you to massage my boobs?

Maze: I can stop if you want.

Muffy: Didn’t say that.

(Maze smiles.)

(A woman is seated at the table as Chloe and Lucifer enter.)

Chloe: Uh, Athena Burns? I’m Detective Decker. So you are Ben Rivers’ attorney?

Athena: I was, but I haven’t heard from him in two years ago, since he disappeared, so I’m not quite sure how much help I’ll be.

Chloe: Hmm, that’s interesting, ’cause we know that you’ve been communicating with him over the phone.

Athena: I don’t know what you’re talking about. And if you have been illegally wiretapping me, this’ll be a fun lawsuit.

Chloe: Nope, no wiretapping. We’ve just been tracking him through a friend.

Lucifer: More stalking, if you ask me.

(Chloe shoots Lucifer a look to be quiet.)

Chloe: I noticed that wherever he’s been, there’s a corresponding phone call to your office. Look, I want to bring him in safely, and as his attorney, you should know that that’s in his best interest.

Athena: This conversation is over.

Lucifer: Oh, good.

Athena: Good?

Lucifer: Yes. Well, the longer it takes, the angrier Maze is going to get.

Athena: Who or what is Maze?

Chloe: Maze is the bounty hunter that’s about to catch Rivers.

Lucifer: Yes, and when she finally catches up with the poor fellow, she is going to tear him limb from bloody limb. It’ll be fantastic.

Athena: She can’t do that.

Lucifer: Oh, no, she definitely has the strength for it, doesn’t she?

Chloe: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean…

Lucifer: Actually, do you have to bring a bounty back alive? Would just the head suffice? ‘Cause that is her thing.

Chloe: Mm.

Lucifer: Maybe we could just super glue him back together on delivery.

Athena: You can’t hurt him.

Chloe: You seem to care about him quite a bit.

Athena: Of course. He is my client.

Chloe: Mm-hmm. (She and Lucifer exchange a look. The nod and in the silent exchange, Chloe gives Lucifer permission to use his power of desire.).

Lucifer: But…

Chloe: Mm.

Lucifer: (Stands up and walks over to Athena.) Marvelous. So, tell me, Ms. Burns, why is his safety so important to you, eh? Hmm?

Athena: I… I don’t…

Lucifer: Oh. You’re as formidable as your power suit suggests, aren’t you? But don’t worry, you can tell me. I know you want to.

Athena: (Not being able to continue resisting.) I love him.

Lucifer: Oh.

Athena: I helped him elude the police, and I have been sending him money ever since.

Lucifer: Have you now?

(Athena can’t believe she admitted that.)

Chloe: He’s a cold-blooded m*rder*r. How could he get you to do all this?

Athena: Obviously, you’ve never met him. He’s not what you’d expect. He’s charming. And handsome and… when he looks you in the eyes, I don’t care who you are. You are defenseless against him.

(Rivers approaches a blond woman who has her back to him. He thinks it’s Muffy. He walks up beside her and stops short when he sees who it is.)

Rivers: Oh. I’m sorry. I thought you were somebody else.

Maze: (She’s wearing a blond wig, making her look like Muffy from the back.) Yeah, that’s kind of the point.

(Rivers tries to leave only to find he is now handcuffed to the bar railing. He’s surprised, then softly chuckles. He looks around the room, then at the bartender.)

Rivers: Whiskey, splash of water.

Bartender: Right away.

Rivers: And for the lady?

Maze: We don’t have time for a drink.

Rivers: Well, there’s always time for a drink.

Maze: (Thinks a few moments, then says to the bartender…) Make mine a double.

Bartender: My pleasure.

Rivers: That’s more like it. I mean, you should celebrate. After all, you did just catch one of the greatest fugitives in the world.

Maze: Did I? ‘Cause I kind of expected a little more k*lling with my dangerous k*ller.

Rivers: Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Oh, don’t get me wrong. Tracking you down wasn’t easy, but I thought you’d at least put up a fight, or run. Still holding out hope you know some kung fu.

Rivers: Hey… I know when I’ve been beat.

(Their drinks arrive.)

Maze: You don’t seem worried, for a guy who just got caught after two years on the run.

Rivers: Oh, well, I knew it would happen eventually. Always wondered who’d get me. I got to say, I wasn’t expecting someone so…

Maze: Crazy hot?

Rivers: Familiar.

Maze: We haven’t met.

Rivers: No, I don’t mean like that. I mean, I recognize that look in your eye. You’re a runner. Just like me.

Maze: (She pauses, thinks, then laughs.) Is that your endgame? Try and get into my head? Trust me, it ain’t gonna work.

Rivers: What’s your name?

Maze: Mazikeen Smith.

Rivers: What’s your real name? (Maze doesn’t answer.) Fake name. Which means you’re running from something.

Maze: Is that so?

Rivers: Best way to pretend you’re not running away from something is to run towards something else. Take it from a guy who knows.

Maze: Is that what you do? Run into the arms of wealthy women?

Rivers: It is not a bad way to live. You didn’t hurt Muffy, did you? I assume that’s how you found me.

Maze: Ah, she’s fine.

Rivers: She means well, poor thing.

Maze: And she’s great in the sack.

Rivers: (chuckles) That she is.

Maze: Well… (She finishes her drink.) It’s been fun. But now it’s time to bring you in. Or fight. Please… fight.

Rivers: You’re right. Time to go. Oh, wait. There’s a problem. How are you gonna get out of those cuffs?

(Rivers dashes for the door. Maze realizes he’s slipped out of the cuffs and put them on her. She looks around, then with a quick motion, breaks the cuffs and frees herself. She smiles, anticipating the chase.)

(Chloe is still tracking Maze and decides to call her. Maze sees the caller ID and answers.)

Maze: (Still at the bar.) I don’t know who punched a hole in the bathroom wall.

Chloe: That’s not why I’m calling, but good to know.

Maze: What, you’re checking up on me?

Chloe: Uh, I was just calling to see if you’re okay, that’s all.

Maze: Mm. I’m fine, okay? In fact, I’m great. This Rivers guy is a lot harder to catch than I thought.

Chloe: Ah, so you haven’t found him yet?

Maze: Oh, I found him. And he got away.

Chloe: And that’s a good thing? What if he comes after you now?

Maze: (Intrigued at the idea.) You think he would?

Chloe: Maze… Rivers is dangerous in ways that I don’t think you’re prepared for. He’s emotionally dangerous.

Maze: I don’t even know what that means.

Chloe: I know, and that’s the problem. If…

(Suddenly the phone disconnects. We see that Lucifer has disconnected the call. Maze shrugs and goes back to her drink.)

Chloe: (to Lucifer) What the hell are you doing?

Lucifer: Reminding you that you are not Maze’s mother. She’s got her big-girl pants on. She’s fine.

Chloe: Really? Because she caught Rivers, and he got away.

Lucifer: (Tapping her on the nose.) Oh, I doubt that.

Chloe: Don’t touch my nose. It’s true. Lucifer, if he already got in her head…

Lucifer: He hasn’t. He probably just came at her with a flamethrower or something, which’ll just piss Maze off even more. Now, did you tell her we found out where Rivers has been staying?

Chloe: I didn’t. I don’t know if I’m going to. I’m worried about her.

(Lucifer takes out his phone and starts texting.)

Chloe: Clearly, you’re not.

Lucifer: No, I’m not. I just sent her the address.

Chloe: Lucifer…

Lucifer: A flamethrower, Detective. Or maybe even an U*i. Either way, it’s nothing Maze can’t handle. I’m sure.

(Lucifer walks away. Chloe is still concerned.)

(Rivers is packing a duffle bag with clothes. He looks at a variety of passports and puts them in the duffle. He then is surprised by the sound of classical music from the downstairs living area. He walks down the stairs to find Maze relaxing on the sofa, having a drink in front of the fire.)

Maze: Nice place. Wish you had some rock and roll, though.

Rivers: Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ll run down to the store, pick up a couple records, – be right back.

Chloe: Stay. There’s always time for a drink.

(Rivers chuckles and makes a dash for the door on the other side of the room. And is stopped short to find Maze already in front of the door. She quickly handcuffs him.)

Rivers: Wha…? Come on. Didn’t we do this already?

Maze: It’s not going to be so easy this time. (We now see the handcuffs are high-tech with a security locking system.)

Rivers: That’s a new one. Look, I really don’t want to fight you.

Maze: Mm, I really do. (She punches him in the face.)

Rivers: Okay. Play time’s over. (Using his free hand, he draws and points a g*n at her face.)

Maze: I don’t think so.

(She quickly disarms him; the g*n falls to the floor. They begin to exchange blows. He holds her from behind.)

Rivers: I get it now. The handcuffs, the music. You wanted to dance with me.

Maze: Or I wanted to cover the sounds of screaming.

(They fight some more. He pins her with her back on a table.)

Rivers: I know a little kung fu. I’m beginning to think you wanted me to escape that bar. You like chasing me, don’t you?

Maze: I like a challenge. Shame it’s not you.

(She grabs a small picture frame from the tabletop and hits him over the head with it. They fight again. She flips him on his back and pins him to the floor. He grabs the g*n.)

Rivers: I don’t want to sh**t you.

Maze: Yeah, well, you had no problem k*lling those two people in cold blood.

Rivers: Look, I’ve done a lot of terrible things in my life. That’s not one of them. I was framed.

(They struggle, and Maze knocks the g*n from his hand. She still has him pinned to the floor.)

Maze: I don’t care.

Rivers: Yeah, well, you should. ‘Cause Herrera’s gonna betray you next.

(Lt. Herrera is standing in front of Chloe at her desk.)

Chloe: Lieutenant Herrera?

Lt. Herrera: And you must be Detective Decker.

Chloe: Uh, yes.

Lt. Herrera: Pleasure.

Chloe: Pleasure. I know what this is about, and I-I didn’t mean to stick my nose in another cop’s case.

Lt. Herrera: Wait, wait. You think I’m mad? Are you kidding me? You got me a new lead. I’m here to thank you.

Chloe: (relieved) Oh.

Lt. Herrera: Uh, you know, but now that you cracked it open…

Chloe: Mm-hmm?

Lt. Herrera: If you don’t mind, I want to carry this one across the finish line.

Chloe: Are you sure? I’m happy to help.

Lt. Herrera: Don’t worry, I’ll give you all the credit. It’s just that this one means a lot to me. The one that got away, you know?

Chloe: Right. Yeah, of course. Absolutely. (Herrera looks at the files she is holding.) Oh. Yeah. (She hands him the files.) Yeah.

Lt. Herrera: Thanks, Detective. (He walks away with the files.)

(Maze still has Rivers pinned to the floor.)

Rivers: Yeah, I used to work for Herrera, just like you. He sent me to track people down, or worse. Then, one day, I quit. He didn’t like that.

Maze: That’s a really nice story, but like I said…

Rivers: You don’t care.

Maze: I don’t.

(Knock on door.)

Joan: Room service.

Rivers: Never run on an empty stomach.

Maze: Say one word, and I’ll break your arm. (She pulls him off the floor.)

Rivers: Ah! Okay, all right. Whatever you say.

(They stand next to each other in the middle of the room as the room service person wheels in a cart. Maze positions his arm behind him so the handcuffs can’t be seen.)

Rivers: We’re just a happy couple. Mr. and Mrs. Mazikeen Smith.

(As Maze now looks at the woman who brought in the food, she recognizes her as the woman who took the photo of her and Norm, the desk clerk.)

Maze: I’ve seen you before.

(Joan, posing as room service, now pulls out a large automatic weapon from under the cart and points it at Maze and Rivers. Maze runs and pulls Rivers after her. They run to the far side of the room, jump over a very thick-topped wooden table, and knock it on its side as they fall behind it, protected from the bullets being fired at them.)

(Chloe makes a call on her cell phone.)

Chloe: Hi. All right. Come on, Maze, pick up. Pick up.

(We see that Maze’s phone is on the floor with the caller ID showing.)

Maze: (She doesn’t pick up but talks out loud to the air.) Huh, not a good time, Decker.

Chloe: Hey, it’s me again. I-I know you think I’m just being a worrier, but there is something strange going on with this case, so call me back ASAP.

(Chloe hangs up. Thinks a moment. Then makes another call.)

Chloe: Hey. Look, I have a favor to ask you.

(Joan reloads the automatic weapon.)

Joan: Hello? Hello? Everyone in here dead? No? Didn’t think so.

(Joan cock the g*n and starts firing again.)

Rivers: All right, we got to get the hell out of here. We can’t just wait for her to mow us down.

Maze: Oh, I’m not waiting.

(Maze pulls out a large, double-sided curved blade.)

Rivers: Seriously? Knives to a gunfight? What the hell was that suppo…

(Without looking, Maze calculates the woman’s position and throws the knife over the table. Joan grunts.)

Joan: Ow. (Joan has a knife in her chest. She turns to leave.)

Maze: And you’re welcome.

(Joan takes the g*n and staggers out the door.)

Maze: See? I don’t need a g*n to save your a*s. Come on.

(She pulls him to get up. He grunts and doesn’t move.)

Rivers: Well, define “saved,” exactly.

(We now see he is holding his side where he is bleeding from a g*n shot wound.)

Lucifer: I’ve never seen the detective quite like it. She’s afraid that Maze will get bamboozled into helping this handsome con man. It’s preposterous.

Dr. Linda: And you’re not concerned?

Lucifer: Oh, please. Maze and I have been through the plagues, the floods, the Dave Matthews Band. She can handle a measly bounty, I’m sure.

Dr. Linda: What if it’s not a bounty she’s after? What if she’s trying to prove something?

Lucifer: What, that she can scare an entire country?

Dr. Linda: Or that her life has meaning. With or without a soul.

Lucifer: (Laughs, thinking she’s being ridiculous.)

Dr. Linda: Every one of us wants to connect to something, Lucifer. Or someone.

Lucifer: Oh, come on. She’s a demon.

(Dr. Linda’s phone rings.)

Dr. Linda: Oh. Apologies. One sec.

(Dr. Linda walks behind her desk to find Maze on a video call.)

Dr. Linda: Uh, I-I can’t talk right now, Maze. I’m with a patient.

Maze: Yeah, well, so am I.

(Maze adjusts her phone to show Rivers’ wound. Lucifer has come around to stand next to Dr. Linda and is also looking at the computer screen.)

Dr. Linda: Is that a g*nsh*t wound?

Lucifer: Oh, Mazikeen, you little rascal. Did you sh**t the fellow? Well done.

Maze: No, I didn’t sh**t him. Some psycho from room service did.

Lucifer: Well, so much for Canadian hospitality.

Maze: Look, I don’t have time to explain, okay? How do I stop this human from dying?

Dr. Linda: Take him to a hospital, that’s how. I mean, how many times do I have to tell you I’m not that kind of doctor?

(Rivers screams and we see he’s bleeding a lot.)

Dr. Linda: Whoa. Okay, okay, okay, okay. First things first, did the b*llet go all the way through?

Maze: I don’t know.

(Maze puts her finger in Rivers’ wound and digs around. He tries to get her to stop.)

Rivers: Ow! What are you doing?! Get… Stop it! Get… Will you s…

Maze: Oh, no, it’s still in there.

Dr. Linda: Good. Okay, all right. Well, in order to stop the bleeding, you’re going to have to remove the b*llet – and stitch up the wound.

Rivers: Oh. Oh, yeah, you know what, I’m good.

(Rivers tries to get up. Maze puts her hand on his throat and holds him down.)

Maze: Relax, okay? I’m great at dismembering humans. How hard can it be to fix one?

Lucifer: Maybe you should listen to him, Maze. I mean, it’s everyone’s right to refuse treatment.

Maze: He is my bounty, and I am taking him in one piece. Just tell me what to do, Doc.

Dr. Linda: Uh, okay. Uh, find the hotel sewing kit. You can stitch him up with that, and you’ll need alcohol for the wound.

(Maze leaves Rivers on the sofa to go get what she needs. That leaves Rivers, Lucifer, and Dr. Linda looking at each other.)

Rivers: What?

Lucifer: Well, you’re not that handsome.

Rivers: That’s helpful. Thank you.

Lucifer: You’re welcome.

Maze: Got everything.

Rivers: What…

(Maze returns. She has a bottle of whiskey and takes a swig.)

Maze: Next.

Dr. Linda: Well, you’ll have to… fish out the b*llet.

Rivers: Oh, you know what, I’ve grown kind of attached to it. I think I’m gonna keep it. Thank you, though.

(He tries to get up; Maze once again pushes him back down.)

Dr. Linda: And if you have any sedatives, I highly recommend he takes them.

Maze: You got any drugs?

Rivers: What?

Maze: Too bad.

(She hauls off and pushes him hard in the face, knocking him out.)

Maze: Sorry.

(She looks at him softly. Grabs a pillow, puts it under his head, and then gently strokes his temple with her fingers. She then remembers that Dr. Linda and Lucifer are watching.)

Maze: You know, I-I got this. I’ll let you know if he dies.

(Maze slams the computer lid shut and turns back to an unconscious Rivers, looking concerned.)

Lucifer: Is it me, or did the most skilled torturer Hell’s ever known just fluff that man’s pillow?

Dr. Linda: It’s not you. Right. Then it’s true. He broke my Maze.

(Rivers awakens to find he is bare-chested and holding Trixie’s stuffed animal.)

Rivers: Well, this is different.

Maze: That’s Miss Alien. Nothing weird happened, if that’s what you’re wondering.

Rivers: I-I wasn’t. But thank you. Oh. Oh, my head hurts.

Maze: Yeah, pre-surgical knockout. Least I got the b*llet out, though.

Rivers: Oh.

(He looks at the stitched-up wound.)

Rivers: Is that a button?

Maze: Sure. Come on. Get ready. We’re leaving in five.

Rivers: You take me back, I’m a dead man.

Maze: Not my problem.

Rivers: You still think I’m guilty. Even after they tried to k*ll me.

Maze: Fugitives get shot at. Occupational hazard.

Rivers: I’m telling you, Herrera paid the security guard to lie.

Maze: It doesn’t matter.

Rivers: Yeah, it does. I didn’t k*ll those kids. They were teenagers. That’s why I refused.

Maze: Why? No challenge?

Rivers: No. ‘Cause when you k*ll, you lose a piece of your soul. I’m trying to hold on to what I got left of mine. I get the feeling you understand that.

Maze: Sorry. No soul here.

Rivers: Really? (He looks at the stitched-up wound and back at her.) That’s not what I see.

(There’s a knock on the door.)

Maze: Let me guess. More room service?

(The door starts to open. Before we can see who it is, Maze throws a knife that lands in the door frame next to Dan’s head.)

Dan: Whoa! Whoa! Seriously! You don’t look before you throw?

Maze: What are you doing here, Dan?

Dan: I don’t know, Maze, you tell me. I should be drinking a mai tai right now, but instead, I’m getting worried phone calls from Chloe asking me to check up on you.

Maze: And you did it?

Dan: I was on a layover in Vancouver, okay? It was a miles flight. I just… I shouldn’t have come here.

Maze: What is Decker so worried about anyway?

Dan: Something about this Rivers case. She thinks that something weird might be going on with…

Maze: With the lieutenant?

Dan: Yeah. Uh-huh. How’d you know?

Maze: ‘Cause my bounty just said the same thing. Rivers…

(Maze turns to see that the side door is open and Rivers is gone.)

Dan: Okay. Thanks. I filled Chloe in on Rivers’ story. Lying security guard? I don’t know, Maze. Sounds like a long shot.

Maze: You think I got played.

Dan: I think… Rivers is a con man.

Maze: I’m not an idiot, Dan. I know. You said it yourself… there’s something weird going on with this Herrera guy.

Dan: If Rivers is so innocent, why the hell did he run?

Maze: ‘Cause who would believe him? Even I didn’t. Either way, psycho room service chick is out there. We need to get to him before she does.

Dan: How?

Maze: What, with my knives and your g*n? Piece a cake.

Dan: One small problem. I don’t actually have my g*n.

Maze: You’re a cop, and you don’t have your g*n?

Dan: I’m supposed to be on vacation.

Maze: A boring one, apparently.

Dan: You want to help this guy? The best thing to do is to turn this case over to the Canadians. Let the Mounties handle it.

Maze: Why? So they can nice the bad guys to death?

Dan: We don’t have any jurisdiction here, Maze. This whole thing can get real messy real fast.

Maze: Fine. Have it your way.

Dan: Really?

Maze: Yeah.

Dan: Well, I’m just, uh, I’m surprised you actually agreed. It… shows growth. It’s healthy.

Maze: Nice.

Dan: (His phone rings and he answers it.) Uh, yeah, this is Detective Espinoza from the Los Angeles Police Department. I need to report a fugitive. Yeah, yeah, one second. Hey, what was Rivers… (Dan turns to see that Maze is gone.) …wearing?

(Lucifer finds Chloe getting coffee.)

Lucifer: All right. Ah! There you are. Okay, you were right. It seems this Rivers fellow may have indeed hoodwinked Maze.

Chloe: Or maybe I was wrong.

(She takes her coffee and walks back to her desk with Lucifer trailing behind her.)

Lucifer: Okay, who are you and what have you done with the detective?

Chloe: Turns out Maze spoke to Rivers. He claims the security guard was lying, that he was forced to pin the m*rder on him. That’s why Rivers is on the run.

Lucifer: And you believe that preposterous story? An innocent man wrongly accused? I mean, where did he escape from, Shawshank? Did he crawl through a mile of sh…

Chloe: (yells) Hey!

(Lucifer stops short, Chloe continues.)

Chloe: It’s not like Maze to reach out with a lead.

Lucifer: I know. This is much worse than I thought. I mean, first she fluffs the man’s pillow, and now she’s trying to clear his name. Do you know, I never thought I’d say this, Detective, but we need to go to Canada. Now.

(Lucifer rushes towards the exit. Chloe runs behind to stop him.)

Chloe: Wait. Hold on! Hold on. I can tell you’re worried… And that’s actually really endearing… But Dan’s there.

Lucifer: That’s worse.

Chloe: Right now, Maze needs a different kind of help.

Lucifer: What, some strong drugs and a lobotomy?

Chloe: She needs us to trust her.

Lucifer: (laughs) You’re actually serious, aren’t you?

Chloe: You’re the one who said Maze can handle herself, and I think you’re right. She trusts us enough to ask for help. We owe it to her to follow her lead. Oh, boy. Unless this is about you being the overprotective mother.

Lucifer: Oh. Low blow, Detective.

Chloe: Well…

Lucifer: Fine. Let’s speak to the security guard, if only to prove that this Rivers is indeed a con man so I can freely punch him in his smug, mildly handsome face.

(Maze is crouching, having found blood in the snow. She looks around, smiles, and heads off in pursuit.)

(Pete, the security guard, sits at the table. Chloe and Lucifer enter.)

Chloe: Thanks for coming in, Pete. We just have some questions about the Rivers case and to clarify some things about your testimony.

Lucifer: I.e., tell us what we all already know. (He walks behind Pete and whispers in his ear.) Guilty.

Pete: Anything I can do.

Chloe: Thanks. Is it true that you saw Rivers sh**t those two kids at point-blank range?

Pete: Sadly, yes.

Lucifer: See? What did I tell you? Guilty. Now can I go to Canada?

Chloe: Not yet.

Lucifer: Uh…

Chloe: (to Pete) How many times did you see him fire, exactly?

Pete: Oh. Uh, it was a few years ago. Hard to remember now.

Lucifer: Oh, come now, Peter. Think about it. I mean, a rotten apple like Rivers would sh**t every b*llet he had, wouldn’t he?

Chloe: (Trying to stop him.) Lucifer.

Lucifer: How many’s in a clip? 12? 15? 20?

Chloe: Please…

Pete: Yeah. That sounds about right.

Lucifer: He’s a vile predator, – that one, isn’t he?

Pete: The worst.

Lucifer: Bet he shot those poor kids right in the back, didn’t he?

Pete: He totally did.

Chloe: Really? ‘Cause in your testimony, you said it was the other way around.

Pete: (stammering) Oh. Uh… You know, I… By… I assume by “back,” you meant, like… the opposite.

Chloe: Oh, so you’re just telling us what you think we want to hear, huh?

Pete: I thought that’s what you wanted. Aren’t you working with…

Chloe: Herrera?

(Pete nods yes.)

Chloe: Not exactly.

Lucifer: Wait. What just happened?

Chloe: Maze is right. Rivers is innocent. Which means she’s in more trouble than she knows.

(Chloe rushes out of the room with Lucifer a little confused but chasing after her.)

(Maze is hiding. She smiles because she has found Rivers. He’s standing behind some trees. He then kneels down, and Maze now sees a g*n with a silencer pointed at the back of his head. Joan is holding the g*n. She walks around in front of Rivers, and we see three other armed men also pointing their weapons at his.)

Maze: (yelling) Hey! Room Service! That’s my bounty, b*tch.

Joan: Well, well, if it isn’t our clever little friend with the knives. So nice of you to join us.

Maze: Back off. He’s mine.

Rivers: Okay, first off, ladies, I don’t belong to anyone. And, secondly, I got these guys exactly where I want them. This g*n to my head? I like it there. And these big scowly dudes, harmless. So you should go before you get in the way.

Maze: (Clasps him by the neck and bends down to speak face-to-face.) What part of “you’re my bounty” do you not get?

(Maze straightens up and faces Joan.)

Maze: I’m not going anywhere.

Joan: Actually, that part’s true. See, you saved us a trip. After all, we weren’t about to let you live after you threw a damn knife at me.

Maze: Oh, well, thanks for bringing backup. More fun for me. Oh, and he’s cute, too. Bonus.

Joan: k*ll her first.

(A snowball hits Maze in the side of the head. Then Dan runs and jumps on one of the three-armed men. Maze jumps and kicks Joan in the chest with both feet. Rivers gets up and charges one of the armed men. Dan hits the largest g*nman in the face, who isn’t phased by the blow.)

Dan: Oh, crap.

(The large man throws Dan off the side of the path. Maze dives towards Rivers, avoiding bullets. She then fights two of the men using their own guns against them. When she looks up, she sees that Joan has her g*n pointed at Maze and is about to shoot when Rivers hits Joan with a log, knocking her out.)

Rivers: Well, well, well. Look who saved who. (Shows Maze he has gotten out of the handcuffs.) I told you I had ’em.

(He winces in pain. Goes down on one knee, holding his side. Maze goes to him, hand slaps him on the shoulder.)

Maze: You opened your stitch, didn’t you?

Rivers: I hope I didn’t lose the button.

(River is able to stand. Dan crawls over the side of the snowbank and walks up to them. We hear sirens and helicopter blades in the distance.)

Dan: I’ll handle this. Go.

Maze: (Maze pulls Rivers in the opposite direction from the sirens.) Come on.

(Lt. Herrera walks in to find Lucifer sitting at his desk with his feet up, reading files.)

Lt. Herrera: Okay, seriously, this is getting old. Why are you in my office now?

Lucifer: Uh, correction, it was your office. Turns out murderers aren’t allowed to masquerade as lieutenants anymore.

Lt. Herrera: What are you talking about?

Chloe: He’s talking about how you had those kids k*lled, how you framed Rivers, and you almost k*lled our friend who was trying to clean up your mess.

Lt. Herrera: (laughing) Okay, wait a minute, all right? Wait. This is absurd. You can’t possibly believe a-a con man’s story.

Chloe: We don’t have to. We have testimony from the guard you forced to lie. Uh, and the hit man you hired is currently in Canadian custody. But don’t worry, they gave you all the credit. You’re under arrest.

Lt. Herrera: Oh, come on. Really?

Lucifer: Yes. Really. And if it’s any consolation, I suggested we beat you to death with our bare hands, but the detective insisted we do it by the book. And considering I know where you’re eventually going to go, that’s fine by me.

(Lucifer and Chloe exchange looks. Chloe nods.)

(Maze is on the phone with Chloe.)

Maze: Thanks, Decker. (to Rivers) Well, looks like all your whining finally paid off. Herrera just got arrested for the m*rder of those two kids. So…

Rivers: So… so I’m not a fugitive anymore.

Maze: Yeah, which kind of screws me, ’cause you’re also not my bounty anymore either.

Rivers: Mm.

Maze: No good deed.

(They both chuckle.)

Maze: Did you hear what I just said? You don’t have to run anymore. You can… come home.

Rivers: Yeah, you don’t get it. This doesn’t end with Herrera. He’s just a cog in the machine. The people he works for, they’ll never stop chasing me.

Maze: Okay. Dramatic much?

Rivers: If you worked for Herrera, they know about you, too. Everything about you.

Maze: I sincerely doubt that.

Rivers: Yeah, well, you don’t know them like I do. I can never stop running, Maze. But what if… what if you came with me? We can do this, Maze. You and me, we’re the same. No roots. No family. We can… hit a new city every week, see the most beautiful places, live every day like it’s our last. And all you got to do is… join me.

(She kisses him. He kisses her back.)

(Maze, Dr. Linda, Chloe, Trixie, and Lucifer are together and celebrating Maze’s return.)

Dr. Linda: Welcome back, Maze.

Chloe: Welcome home, lady.

Trixie: Missed you, Maze.

Lucifer: Didn’t doubt you for a minute.

Trixie: Forgetting something?

Maze: Oh. I, uh, can get you a new one. She kind of got a little… dirty.

Trixie: Is that… blood?

Maze: Oh, yeah.

Trixie: Awesome!

Chloe: No, why don’t we put Miss Alien in the wash?

Trixie: You won’t change her, right?

Lucifer: Maze. Hmm? You all right?

Maze: I’m exactly where I want to be.

(Flashback)

Rivers: You’re not coming, are you?

Maze: You may not have roots, but… turns out I do. And I may even… miss them.

Rivers: And here you thought you didn’t have a soul. Remember what I said, Maze. Be careful. They know more than you think.

(Rivers touches her face then walks away.)

(Gloved hands are putting photos of Maze and Rivers into a file folder and slipping it into a drawer that has files on everyone.)